Reception: My boy is 'underachieving' - what now?

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

DS1 is 4.7.
To begin with, we thought he had 'Selective Mutism' as he would't interact with his teacher or other adults.
He was 'disruptive' on the carpet and messed around with other boys during registration etc.

The last term in the run-up to Xmas he suddenly started talking freely to everyone and is doing really well now socially, making friends and participating in group activity etc.
He is not silly anymore and listens intently when the teacher is speaking to the class.

We had his parents evening progress whatsit last night and after getting a bit peeved his teacher was beating about the bush I asked her out right if he was achieving enough or not? She said no he wasn't and once I got that out of her, there was no stopping her....

'His attitude of late is not geared towards learning, he does not know his letter sounds, he does not know his 'th' 'sh' etc, he can't recognise numbers, he can't form letters correctly - he tends to just draw symbols and squiggles after one attempt to form the letter. He is not achieving what he should for reception year.'

After a few minutes pause and DH and I looking totally shocked at each other, she continued....

'Things are very busy at school and obviously very busy when he gets home too with the other boys being there.... (he is the eldest of 3 boys) when is the next baby due? April? Things are only going to get busier....'

DH then piped up to say that if he is coming out of himself socially then he is in fact achieving something and pointed out he is one of the very youngest. He can write his name which he couldn't do 2 weeks ago and he can infact recognise the numbers 2, 3, 4, 5 and 8. Not many, but he does know some.

I left feeling totally shite and guilty for having 3, soon to be 4 children as it is clearly my fault he can't do any of the things expected of him.

I went in this morn with the intention of speaking with her to find out what he needs to be able to do to be an 'average' kid and get by. She wasn't there.
TA told me he needs to recognise numbers 1-10, know his letter sounds and 'th' etc work on his writing.
Ok I thought, no big deal, but I can't see me being able to cram all that into his brain in 6 months.

Sorry for long post - anyone any experience?

he is so young. i think it is great that he has come on socially.

Sounds like he is doing fine to me..hes only in reception ..I wouldn't worry

he is not even 5 yet!
what are they expecting?

sounds like his teacher needs to chill

Her ranting about what "needs" to happen isn't going to make it so. She needs to work on giving constructive advice.

Sounds like he is making progress and IMO that it more important that exactly waht they are achieving.

Sorry to hear that you had such a bad time last night. Did the teacher say anything positive about your little lad? or agree that socially he is integrating well?

I would make an appointement to go back in and see the teacher. It is not soley your responsibility to teach your child, supporting your child is what we would like. But this can be covered in 5-10 mins of reading together, drawing squiggly lines, playing number snap, phonic snap,etc - just lots of fun games. Kids learn best when you can turn it into a game.

But i would have expected the teacher to explain what they have in mind for your little boy to help him, and any games at home you could play together.

Good luck, and you know that it is not your fault for having more than one child

He is reception he is supposed to be developing social skills

reading, writing can come later - for some children much later (like 2 or 3 years later)

early reading or writing is no sign of intelligence - they're all about the same by year 4

please do not worry. She is being a target-driven idiot - you and your husband have the right idea focusing on the social side

I would be most annoyed that halfway into the year, the teacher has made no effort to contact you regarding the fact that your son cannot recognise more than 5 numbers and isn't progressing with his learning!

Can he do these things at home? Is it the case that he clams up at school?

We had a parents session yesterday at DSs school that I and some other parents asked for as we do not really know what is expected and how to benchmark our DCs progress.

We were told that by the time they go into year 1, not right now, they should be able to: Recognise numbers 1-10, know their phonics sounds, be able to read small sentences and write letters and numbers. So what they are learning now.

It was also stressed that the children shouldn't be pushed too hard as it can end up having adverse effects and that there are 6 learning areas that all have to be given equal time, not just literacy and numeracy.

I wouldn't worry, your DS is one of the youngest and he sounds like he is doing just fine. September is still a long way away!

She is trying to decide if he can't be arsed or if he genuinely doesn't know.

Seeing as she said he recognises no numbers at all and I know he recognises 5 I think he can't be arsed.

Give him a hands on problem to deal with or a physical challenge and he's there..

He's only a baby ! Reception is mostly about learning how to be at scvhool.the fact that he is doing well socially and sit and listen are great strides.
The teacher is talking about things an average child might be achieving by the end of reception.We are not quite 1.5 terms in yet, let alone 3 !Silly woman !

When I hear this sort of thing I become more convinced each time that we send children to school too early in this country (imo)

He's not even 5! He sounds just fine. I too view Reception more as an adjustment to being at school. That alone is a big enough expectation at that age.

All this worry plonked on in one parents eveing. How can anyone 'under achieve' at 4?? I feel so for you.

I agree with all the others - he sounds fine to me. The social side is what's important in reception. Numbers, etc can come with time, so I think he's doing really well.

You could always point out that it sounds like it's the teacher who's underacheiving,not your DS.

I'd make an appointment to see her about a week after half term to discuss what he CAN do, rather than her ranting about what he CAN'T. That should give her enough time to observe and assess and come up with some useful comments

Silly woman, that teacher!

It sounds like he has come on a long way in a few months.

If you lived here your ds would have been in the nursery class last term and would only have started reception in January - and most of the Jan starters in ds1's class are still learning the important things, like how to sit still and listen, or get changed for PE. Some of them are working on s,a,t,i,p,n and 1-5.

Ds1 was a sep starter - he is 5 tomorrow - and he doesn't yet know all the phonics sounds, but the teacher showed me her little graph based on the Early Years Foundation Profile (or some assessmenty thing like that) and said he will be "well above average" by the end of the year.

Like Swill said, ask for an appt to discuss what he can do, and what their plan is to help him progress from where he is now. Your job is 5 minutes a day playing snap with letter cards or reading car number plates!

Her approach is negative and silly. I think your husband said great things - exactly what a good reception teacher would be saying -

"he is coming out of himself socially then he is in fact achieving something and pointed out he is one of the very youngest. He can write his name which he couldn't do 2 weeks ago and he can infact recognise the numbers 2, 3, 4, 5 and 8"

that's what the teacher should be saying to you!

For some kids, specially imho the summer born boys, it takes a long period for them to adjust to school let alone be ready for all the writing/number recognition etc

Next time you speak to the teacher, if she's so negative again, tell her that you'd like the SENCO to see your son. I think it is perfectly in order to ask that and to explain that you would like to know if he needs some extra help and more differentiated work at this stage. It's no good her just saying 'he can't do this or that' - once she's idenitifed that, she needs to put something in place to help him OR she needs to say to you "he can't do this yet but this is normal for his age and stage and not a special educational need"

Good luck

Thanks all.

I managed to see her briefly for a minute this morn - we were running late and I told her we had bought some number flash cards to begin with and he is keen to 'do his numbers' when he gets in from school. I lay them out on the floor and we count up and down then I ask him to randomly find a number I choose etc.

If I tell him to look carefully at the numbers and not rush, he gets them right 98% of the time, even the ones I didn't think he knew.
I think possibly he can do things but doubts his own ability. DH for example is not brilliant at english and asks me quite often how to spell things when he has in fact spelt it correctly himself anyway - that kind of thing. How could I work on that with him?
I give him lots of praise when he gets it right and tell him gently to try again, looking carefully, when he gets it wrong. DS that is, not DH!

When I told her this morn he was keen with the number cards she said that was good.

I agree with everyone else. Your DS is very young and Reception is about a learning how to listen, share, play as well as a bit of 'education'.

Ds2 started Reception in September. Well above average academically, struggled socially. Now making real progress in that area and tbh that was what was most important to me.

I feel for teachers as their work can be target driven, although some of the targets..... For example, one of DS2's 'targets' for this half term is: To be able to do up his zip . DS1 only achieved this last year and he is in Year 4 and even now he will walk around with his coat undone unless I remind him that it is Winter out there .

My DS is in reception and he cannot write his 4-letter name. His writing is behind. I had previously told the teacher I wasn't worried about it. But, last week I said I now felt it was potentially an issue and might hinder his development going into year 1 year. She offered to have him assessed and see if he needed some one-on-one each week outside of the class. If I were you, I would ask your school what they can do to give him some extra help.

It think it is outrageous for the teacher to sit down and tell you all these problems without presenting a plan for what she was going to do about in the school hours and what you could also do at home.

I would also ask why, if he is so behind, he does not have an IEP.

I haven't read all the posts, so sorry if I am repeating. But , nice teacher! Those are ambitious targets for a 4 year old. Some children could do those things, but many wont until there are 5+.

P'haps she was being a bit defensive? After all it is her job to teach those skills!

He doesn't have to reach all those targets by the time he leaves reception, its only a guide. IME it can take time for writing and phonics to click, but once a child understands it, they develop in leaps and bounds. Sometimes it's a confidence thing, and when that comes there's no stopping them!

And at commenting about your home life, that has nothing to do with her!

Just wanted to say that my DS2 is the youngest of three siblings and he was almost identical to your son in reception. Wouldn't talk at all or play with the other children and was definitely under acheiving. His school got the ed psych in who identified that he has issues with following and understanding long lists of commands ( Takes after his mother then ) He is now in year 2 and thriving, he actually deigns to play with a couple of the other children and talks a lot in class - think they preferred the quieter version tbh! As for underachieving, he has gone up three ability groups from the lowest achieving table to the high achieving table (school don;t call them that tho obv)

Oh ,yes, her comments about how busy your home life is and when is number 4 due was well out of line.