So, it it normal that children change beyond any recognition when they start reception ?

[Arsed]

My previously lovely 4 (very almost 5)year old has been replaced by a tantrumming stubborn pain in the arse. Her attitude is getting worse by the day and we dont seem to be able to have a convertaion without her throwing a strop over something.

She's sat on the stairs screaming at the moment because I asked her to go and take her uniform off and find something else to put on [tears hair out]

Is it normal ?

Does it get better ?

TOTALLY normal (see other thread).

She is, along with about 90% of reception kids, no doubt very, very tired and emotional at this stage in the term.

Roll on the xmas hols so we can (hopefully) get our 'normal' kids back as mine has definitely been replaced with some other child

Was saying this just the other day.

I was my 'original' DS back.

No tht eone that now stamps his feet in an attempt to get his own way and talks to me like a piece of dirt - both of which I have seen other children doing to their parents.

Sounds like we're all going through the sane thing

roll on the Christmas hols.

yes, it's normal. It improves with age.

Tired beyond belief.Most of them can't tell the time at this age, so shove her off to bed now, she won't know it's only 6.20

Its that combination of starting school and the Xmas build-up.

Nightmare

Oh yes, it's dreadful. They are tired out from term, over-excited about Christmas, possibly already over-full of junk from Christmas parties at school, brownies etc - and they have probably been forced to spend hours sitting in the school hall while everyone rehearses the nativity play!

Totally normal. 6 o'clock bedtimes are your friend.

We are doing very early bedtimes here as things get very emotional around dinner time.

I've put it down to Christmas, lots of parties, and general tiredness from school, but it is very tiresome to deal with, feel like I'm looking after a ticking bomb.

DD was exactly like this - the first tantrum of her life (she bypassed the terrible twos) was the week she started reception.

It doesn't have to be this way - she now does Mon, Tues, Thurs and Fri. Weds is a day of complete relaxation and she does what she wants (usually bimbling around the house). Things are much better and I'm planning on continuing this set-up until the summer hols.

I carried DS1 from the car having a 2 year old style screaming and kicking tantrum yesterday. He has always been volatile, but has not had tantrums like that for a while.

Calisto I asked for DS1 (july birthday) to have Wednesdays off, and had a very frosty response. They said he was fine, which he is at school. Just saves the hysterics for home

Its becuase they are all tired and don't get out enough becuase of the bad weather. It will be better in Jnauary when they go back.

Acebaby - it's a standard line. It really pisses me off. Yesterday DD was a bit wobbly and teary going in and the reception teacher blamed it on the fact that she is only in 4 days a week .

I had to stand my ground to get her off on Wednesdays and I know that the head won't be happy that I want to continue Wednesdays off until the summer hols. But I think family life is far more important that anything they will learn in reception and to be perfectly frank, I don't really give a shite what the head thinks because I know what is best for my DD and she is just worried about her school and attendance records etc.

See how it is in January (though I doubt 2 weeks is going to make much difference) and then tell them that your son will not be in school on Wednesdays as you feel he isn't coping. I'm afraid asking politely doesn't work. Good luck (and don't be afraid of giving your son days off for tiredness either).

Mine's ill at the moment with another school-acquired virus, but yes, I pick him up from school and he is totally manic and non communicative, nothing like my chatty friendly boy. I think it is all a bit much actually. And yes a lot more shouting NO! from him.

Callisto the head gave us permission to do half days this term but ds's teacher didn't like it and put pressure on us till we stopped.

This time last year I ended up breaking down into sobs in the school office, because ds2 (then in reception) was just horrid at home, ds1 had had an accident in the playground that required him being taken to A&E then lots of follow up appointments at the surgery, tons of events at school (including 4 dressing up days all requiring very specific outfits, not just mufti days).

I remember sobbing that the school got all the best bits of my children when the very nice reception teacher told me that ds2 was perfectly lovely in class (if not lovely at home), and the very nice office ladies made me hot cups of coffee and brought me biscuits.

I felt much better after.

It gets easier in January, I promise.

The thing you have to remember about reception, is that the children don't have to be there by law. So the bloody teachers have no right to put pressure on anyone to get children there all the time.

You all need to be a bit firmer with the teachers and heads - they are paid by us, the taxpayer, to do a job. Don't feel so in awe or grateful to them that your child's welfare suffers as a result.

I find that things can get a bit strange and startling here also.
Dd is 5 and started a mainstream school this September after being in a very small Montessori since she was 3yo.

Now we have a trampoline set up for her when she comes in from school, and she will bounce and let off steam physically, and vocally for 10 minutes or so when she comes in, and is so much the better for it.

We also try and get her to the local playground for a run around before she comes home, and give her a snack there, if weather permits.

I've also found that with limited toilet facilities, the teachers don't encourage drinking water during class, and tantrums can be the result of dehydration, so i always get DD to drink a large glass of water before we go off to school, and I have a large bottle of water for her in her school lunch box that she can sip during her breaks, and I also bring a large bottle of water to the park as well.

We talk a lot about feelings like frustration, anger, fear (and also co-operation team work and kindness) at dinnertime so that she can label what she's feeling and know that it's just a feeling, and needn't be anything more than that. We make funny faces of the feelings.

I find that when she's in a twist after school, and none of the above work, something has actually happened, like falling in the yard, or feeling unsupported about something (sharpening pencils or some other major event ) and with a little investigation, I usually find out what's eating her. Then we all talk about similar experiences at dinner time with a resolved outcome. We draw what happened and make stories out of events also.

Also, I try and remember that DD is being exposed to other peoples' bugs and her immune system is being challenged, so she might not feel 100% all the time, as her system is developing resistance.

All these factors contribute to a change in DD. She's doing the best she can, and I also am looking forward to 'having her back' over the hols.

Yes, forgot about the drink bit. A fair few of my associates equate foul tempers with being borderline thirsty at school.

ds is always terribly thirsty after school.
Callisto you are right, but when your teacher is telling you every day he won't settle in until he does full days like everyone else, it is hard not to buckle.

The irony is we are now considering HE until we can afford a smaller prep school, so they may lose us all together.

I don't understand the link between not going to school on Wednesday and not settling. I think splitting the week and having a rest day is a great idea.
DD is doing half days Tuesday and Thursday and I think that's unsettling for her - she's not quite sure when she's staying the full day. Of course we tell her - but a few times the school have got it wrong and either kept her when I went to collect her, or rang us and asked where we were at 1pm when I had been told she was staying all day.

Thanks very much for the thirst=tantrums connection, I had never heard that before.
At DD's school they are all issued with a water bottle with their name on so they can drink at any time. DD won't, she "hates water", and I had a feeling she was getting thirsty at school. Will try and think of an incentive!

It is really hard to go against what is perceived to be the norm, I know. I guess I'm lucky in a way, in that I wanted to HE DD from the outset but was talked into sending her to our local, very small and very good primary by DH. So I see things from a different perspective to most.

When I told the head that DD was getting far too tired and it was impacting negatively on our home life her response was 'Well, they all get really tired'. Not a great answer really and not a great argument for sending little children to school 5 days a week either. But her lack of valid arguement for keeping DD in school 5 days a week gave me more confidence to tell her that DD would only be in 4 days.

I think it is very hard for them to see the children as different with different capacities to cope with such a long week.