So, it it normal that children change beyond any recognition when they start reception ?

[Arsed]

My previously lovely 4 (very almost 5)year old has been replaced by a tantrumming stubborn pain in the arse. Her attitude is getting worse by the day and we dont seem to be able to have a convertaion without her throwing a strop over something.

She's sat on the stairs screaming at the moment because I asked her to go and take her uniform off and find something else to put on [tears hair out]

Is it normal ?

Does it get better ?

Callisto - thanks for your very helpful posts. DS1 is at a private school, so maybe I should put on my 'customer hat' and just stop sending him on Wednesdays. I have already kept him off a couple of days for tiredness (much to DS1's fury!). I really don't care if he misses music/rugby or whatever they do on Wednesdays. Apart from anything else, he will learn so much more if he isn't exhausted.

DS1 is very tired, but has blossomed since starting school.

I didn't even do a reception year when I was at school, because I'm an August birthday - and many countries don't even start formal education until the children are 6.

This is a long and very tiring term, add to which the excitement of Christmas = some out of character behaviour, tears etc. I certainly see this in my year 2 class, and many parents have mentioned behaviour at home being bad when I know they are angels in class.

I can't see anything wrong with occasional days off for tiredness, would def prefer this attitude to that of some parents who send their child in on death's door with some calpol and expect us to look after them!

IME (12 years) no-one in reception has had a regular, fixed day off and I can see, from the school's point of view, why it could be hard to manage, but I suppose as long as you don't mind them missing certain areas of the curriculum and having a shorter report/parents evening, being missed out of the class assembly, trips etc then it shouldn't really matter. Or pay for private nursery care which may have more flexible hours, I'm not sure.

Callisto the poor sods 'bloody teachers' are tax-payers too and not your employees. They are just trying to do a very tough job so maybe try and see it from their side? There are a million things to think about and plan for a class and having some children regularly missing does add to the pressure I'm afraid. I DO see your point but maybe take it up with the government?

Actually, I can't see why my 4yo DD taking a fixed day off a week would put added pressure on a teacher. I also think you're mad if you think that 'missing certain areas of the curriculum and having a shorter report/parents evening, being missed out of the class assembly, trips etc' is going to matter at all at this age. It is far more important that children are able to function within their family without constant tears and tantrums due to exhaustion.

You may be a tax payer too, but you work as a public servant, ie the public hires you to meet a need and do a job. It isn't my problem how you organise your working day, any more than it is your problem how I juggle my week to enable my DD to have a much needed mid-week break. I'm not sure why I should consider the needs of my DD's teachers. They certainly don't consider her needs when they tell me she would be better doing 5 days a week.

By pofacedandproud Fri 11-Dec-09 11:44:30
ds is always terribly thirsty after school.

He should have access to water at all times in school...ask about it. Juice was banned as part of the healthy eating initiative I'm afraid Allarmbells so now it is milk or water choice.

They have a water fountain which he doesn't like using, he says it smells and splashes his face.

Callisto I think you misunderstood my post. I don't think any of those things matter, as long as you don't expect the school to fit them in around a days absence per week for the odd pupil(therein lying the added pressure for the teacher, if you were to expect that).

I'm sorry if, as it sounds, your DCs teacher has been so awful about it that you are cross with them(you certainly sound it!),but it shouldn't be their problem any more than it is yours. I wouldn't care if you took your child out of my class for as many days a week as you liked, I just wouldn't do any extra work myself to accomodate that. I would feel a tad sorry for them if they missed some of the fun stuff, but if you and they don't care, then I suppose I shouldn't either.

At the end of the day, they are your child and you are only doing what you think is best, I support that. I'm sorry for you as it sounds as though you have had a hard time with your DCs first school/teacher, I just wanted to raise a few practicalities they would perhaps have to consider in the case of a fixed absence.

I have a 6yo DS in Y1, he has some additional needs such as ASD (amongst others) and the last 2 weeks have been a nightmare. He will not drink either milk or water, he does actually make himself dehydrated rather than drink water. He has the box of milk at school, but his water bottle is never touched, I have to give him juice as soon as he's out of the classroom. I solved it in the end by buying those flavoured waters to put in his bottle, the teachers never know, and he will actually drink it. That came about last summer when he actually got admitted to hospital as he was dehydrated (badly) as he'd refused the water in school and it was blisteringly hot. He has never given up his nap, he is so exhausted these last 2 weeks that we get in from the school run at 3.45, he has a drink, goes to the loo and is asleep by 4pm. He gets up at 6pm, has his dinner and is then in bed by 7pm, and has to be hauled out of bed at 7am. He's been horrid, especially with the change in routines with plays etc.

God why do we feel the need to send the poor wee things to school at 4

Is anybody (apart from the government) actually in favour of it?

We have a water fountain at school but also every child can bring in their own water bottle - think that may actually be law so check with the school poface. Bit it came to that loudlass how awful for you and your DS! I would have thought an exception would be made automatically for ASD children with drinks preferences. Hope you got it sorted, I would see the SENCO and get it written into their IEP.

As callisto has said, it isn't law to send them unitl year 1, so if you really feel your 4yo isn't ready for school, don't send them. Reception class sizes would be better off if they were much smaller and maybe only took the Sept-Feb birthdays, IMHO.

I can't speak for any other teachers but exhausted-child-tantrum-throwing isn't exactly my favourite thing to deal with and I have read many studies as part of my MEd that support starting school at 6. Don't think any of the civil servants who advise the government have read them though... and it seems they'd probably be sacked if they said they disagreed with a minister's decision anyway

Still can't agree with callisto on the taxpayers issue I'm afraid though. Teachers are professionals who are hired by the governing body of a school to work within the remit of the job description they are employed to do, which exists within the wider context of education as described by the current government (something they have no control over and shouting at them about it is pointless). The public don't hire them or get to tell them what to do (certainly on a 1:1 basis anyway!) because they aren't qualified to do so. You wouldn't tell a GP how to treat a patient. If the teacher in question is being a cow, I can see why it would be hard to respect their professional opinion, but it doesn't make us all evil and you can (as you have) ignore them anyway and do what you feel is best.

DD is in reception and is absolutely foul at the moment.
On a Sunday DH and DS go to rugby, and I stay home with DD and do nothing very much. Bit of tv, playing, drawing, sometimes she helps me make dinner. This seems to be working quite well and her behaviour improves a bit.
I remember DS being the same and he has turned out ok in the end.

Actually I think it can be law that your child is in school in Reception. Children becoming 5 years old between 1st September and 31st December are of compulsory school age from the beginning of the term after 1st January.Children becoming 5 years old between 1st January and 31st March are of compulsory school age at the beginning of the term after 1st April.Children becoming 5 years old between 1st April and 31st August are of compulsory school age from the beginning of the term after 1st September ( ie in Yr 1). So teachers are obliged to say something if a child of legal school age is absent, the choice however is then down to the parent. Certainly the Autumn Term is different, no child needs to legally be in school then and most teachers would be happy to accept absences ( but I would agree, parents can't then complain if their child misses out on trips/activities etc. We had one parent who insisted their child stayed at home every Friday-except when Mum wanted to go shopping when they were quite happy for DD to come to school!). There has to be understanding on both sides

Thanks primarymum that is very interesting. Also explains why I didn't do reception, being an August baby myself - just assumed things had changed since the 70s. I think some schools still do a Spring intake for younger ones too don't they? Although we don't, it makes sense I think.

There are "swings and roundabouts" about having different intakes.
Single intake ensures all children have the same input from teachers as historically younger children often missed a term or more which contributed to them being "behind" in reading writing and maths but some children aren't ready for the long school day and lack the maturity to cope with the rules and routines.
Multiple intakes allows children time to mature but some younger children are ready for school before their older class mates.

Personally I don't think one is better or worse than the other. Children are all different and often you are surprised by them.