Told off because he couldn't do something

[OrmIrian]

DS#2 told me tonight that he was told off because he couldn't do him sums or use the number square. Now I know he can use it more or less as we used on for hw recently. But apparently he couldn't in school. So he was told off. And made to sit in the cloakroom to do his work - even after the others had gone out to play

Problem is DS#2 is a stubborn little chap and he won't ever cry if he gets told off. He doesn't seem to know when to back down. His teacher is extremely strict - every child in the school knows Mrs C by reputation and she is not well-liked. To say the least.

He cries when he goes into school. Most days. He pretends he's ill.

Is it right to tell a child off for not being able to do something?

It's parents evening next week. What, if anything, can we say to her. Short of 'you evil witch, stop terrorising our son' ?

Orm (can I call you that?) I feel for you as I've got a DS with these stubborn tendencies. (understatement) At least you know that it isn't down to your parenting, I've only got one, and have spent many an hour trying to work out where I went wrong.
However, to get back to you original problem, I suggest you talk to the teacher and ask how are "we" going to motivate him to engage in classroom work. For some easily distracted, or chatterbox children, being sent out to work alone will work. For others, it just makes the stand-off more entrenched.

There is a famous story in my (big) family, about my brother who wouldn't go to bed. After a few nights of having to be carried protesting up the stairs, they hatched a plan. At his bedtime, all the older ones just went upstairs and left him. Cue brother scampering up and wailing "what about meeeee"

Hey choccy - you can call me anything as long as it's not too rude!

Thanks for the reassurance. Sadly I am not sure it's not down to my parenting - he's no 3, my PLB and unfeasibly cute. So there is a little cold voice that speaks in the wee small hours of the morning, insinuating he's been spoilt rotten. And then there's my mother of course who doesn't wait for the wee small hours

I really really hope that it's just a phase but it's a looooog one if it is.

BTW that plan sounds good but I suspect if that happened DS#2 would tear upstairs expecting an evening of partying with the lego and some teddy-fights

Last night I was so tired I burst into tears DS#2 was interested rather than concerned - in the way you would be by an animal exhibiting unusual behaviour . The other 2 mind you ran round looking after me, chivvying their brother and 'tidying up' for me. Which is lovely but it's a shame they have to look after their mum. I always feel like a failure when his siblings need to take up the slack.

Ha ha! Well that serves me right for getting all Mummy Tiger DH just went in for parents' evening and apparently he reckons she is brilliant. Apparently she thinks he is verbally very advanced, and a bright and likeable boy. But she has concerns about his hearing and his memory. And is sending him to the SENCO (something I wanted last year).

The incident with the cloakroom was because he was copying after she had clearly told them all not to copy.

Oh and he's too quiet in class although prone to fantastical 'riffs' on various arcane subjects such as dinosaur teeth.

DD appears to be a bit of a star. Even DS#2's teacher knows about her. Said to DH "I'll bet your DD had a wonderful report".

Orm - my stubborn one has yet to reach school age. I feel for the teachers when she does (I think she calls the shots somewhat at nursery )

Tonight she went to sleep sitting at the table because we said she couldn't get down until she had eaten the (token amount of) cucumber and tomato on her plate. She is just 3. While my little rule-follower (DS, 6) appears to be stressing himself to the point of illness about not always being the best at academic stuff [sigh].

Can the teacher give him a signal which he can use to show that he's unclear, rather than 'asking for help' I have a child in my class who has a set of 3 faces with which I can see with a quick glance that he's okay or not. Memory issues and organisational things with him. Very bright orally but finds it hard to show it on paper because of these issues.

It seems to be working as he's much happier, rather than sitting being worried about things. I've also had lots of chats with his mum as I'm concerned and want to help him as much as possible and she knows him best.

Just trying to think of practical things!

Thankyou owl.

She is worried that she can't tell whether he's being arsey or he doesn't understand. DH seemed to think she had a handle on it so I will try not to worry (DS desperate to go home again this morning ). SENCO will help identify if there is a more deep-seated problem.

I wish she would talk to me BTW. I would be more than happy to discuss but she seems to be a teacher who doesn't talk to the parents very much. The others were much more touchy-feeling and I felt happier but DH reckons this one is better.

Orm, that's fantastic though isn't it? That she seems to have a genuine take on your son rather than just being an ogre? Must be a huge relief. Here's an idea, but why not push her on talking to you. Different problem, but my in some ways similarly stubborn DS very recently started having daily meltdowns, so the teacher and I agreed to sit and talk to DS together. DS felt listened to and they sorted a strategy together. And all I had to do was sit and listen - was rather lovely in fact. Might be worth a try if she's up for it?

It is smee. It is wonderful !

I love this school. I have no real problems and this was the first time I felt concerned. So glad to know I was wrong. I will have to take her aside and have a chat - tell her how much DH and I appreciated that she is on side.