I am heart broken, upset and cross. Please help me.

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

I have posted about DS1 being bullied last night. The child has swung him around by his tie and pushed him on to the ground. He said he has also had his arm twisted and his legs are covered in bruises.

This morning I took a letter in to the teacher and I have spoken to his teacher. I came away very upset.

How do I deal with this as I want to just take him out of school.

I have to see the teacher after school today after she has spoken to the children involved.

All he has been told is to stay away from the bully. Nothing about speaking to the bully to tell him to pack it in.

I feel a rubbish parent who hasn't prepared DS for this.

Have to go and get DS2 now and try and hold it together.

Google kidscape. Lots of good advice on there.

Log everything. Every incident, every phone call, every conversation with every staff member.

Photograph all injuries.

Take your sone to GP, and ask for all injuries to be documented.

If, after one meeting withthe head, during which you take notes, put everything in a letter to the head, copied to the governers and the LEA.

Report injuries to the police.

Your son has been assaulted whilst the head was in loco parentis. The school has a duty of care to protect your child, and they have failed.

I went through exactly the same thing when ds1 was 9. Same sort of HT.

I took him out of the school in the end, but i realise not everyone can do this.

So sorry you are going through this.

Fab, do you mean you feel a bit happier after seeing the teacher? And is your son reassured at all? Really, really hope so. Am wishing you a large glass of wine and a hug from your DH.

I wouldn't say I feel happier. I will worry about DS every day. Tomorrow he is having his first swimming lesson and this other boy will be there too and it worries me so much that he could dunk my child and he get really upset/hurt.

DS seems to realise he has to tell us things but I don't know how long that will last.

DH offered me wine but I declined as I feel like there is so much pressure in my head already.

Fab how are you feeling today?

Don't worry Fab, at least you are taking action. Your son is lucky to have a mother like you.

The boy asked DS if he could sit next to him on the coach today and DS said yes. DS says he wants to be friends. He went with the teacher to point out the other boys but he doesn't seem to think anything is happening about it but I know the teacher wasn't going to tell DS everything that was said.

DS wouldn't let me tell the teacher when some things happened and I am really annoyed at myself that I didn't. What can you do though when your son says please don't mummy?

In future I will though.

And how do you feel today? Have you made up with your DH?

I know he offered you wine and that is often a man-apology...

Dh and I are fine.

We hugged and apologised as soon as we saw each other. We were both just so worried about DS.

DS is fine today so I am happy. Nothing happened. The boy asked to sit next to him and said bye to him and me when he saw us at home time.

hooray Fab. That's brilliant. Hope it continues, + horrendous though it was, maybe it's made your son see that his mum can sort things, so if anything ever happens again he'll come straight to you.

totally randam but i ahve seen other bullying posts on here and they have suggestted getting the bully round for a closely supervised but really fun play date - in the hope that this cements a new friendship. It may work in your case as yr ds and the other lad seem to be on civil terms

I just read this thread, hope things are on the up for him Fab. My ds1 was being bullied at his last school by two boys, it got worse and more regular. I spoke to the teachers many times and wrote in his diary etc but nothing seemed to be changing. It was implied that ds1 brought it on himself, he was 5. I was in the playground one day when I heard them say "there's xxx let's get him". My mum heard similar comments from them. We both told them to play nicely but they would wait till we were out of sight.

I lost my temper one day and told ds1 to hit them back . I don't agree with violence, in anyway but just felt so frustrated.

The headmaster had left the school and everything was in chaos. Eventually ds1 came home with footprints on his coat from the other boys stamping on him and the teacher had to do something, (although at first she tried to make out they had done it while it was dropped on the floor in the coat area).

She sat the three of them down and made them sign a contract that they would either play with ds1 or find him someone else to play with if he was alone and they would stop fighting. Surprisingly it worked. For the last month he was there there were no more torn clothes or cuts on my boy.

Then we moved school and in the year he's been there we've not had one problem. It breaks my heart thinking of him having to endure that everyday and being tarnished as a problem child when it was the schools inability to tackle the problem that led to it carrying on for so long.

I really hope things settle for your ds.

Not an option as I am not friends with his mother or any others at school tbh but thank you for the idea.

I didn't find befriending the parents helped as singly the children would play with ds nicely (we would meet up at park and they would play like best friends) but when the other two boys were together they would bully ds again.

Glad you and DH sorted it out

Fingers crossed this is sorted now but if something does happen it sounds like you're in a good place for DS to tell you and get it sorted out.

DH took the kids to school and the mum of the lesser bully came up with her son and made him apologise to my son specifying what he had done. DH said the mum was very apologetic. Clearly the teacher has done something and I hope the main one will leave him alone too though she has said she can't do a lot if he won't admit it.

If the messsage has got through to the parents, and that is how they reacted, I think there is a good chance it is sorted.

Can you befriend lesser bully and invite him round to tea or something? It sounds as though his mother would be amenable...

A different boy punched him in the stomach today because he said DS was in his place in the queue. DS told the teacher (not his class one) and the boy was told off. I have told DS that even if he was in this boys place it isn't acceptable that he punched him.

Lordy Fab, how is he? I know kids can be rough, but your poor DS. Is he okay? Does he feel good that he handled it and confident it was a one off? If someone punched in our primary they'd be on time out at the very least. Sounds like your school is maybe a bit too accepting of that sort of behaviour?

DS sais the boy had to go and sit in the head's office at 1pm for 2 hours. I am a bit that it was 2 hours but at least he was sent to the head. I reiterated to DS that he is was really good to tell and that is how we can stop it.

I mentioned it to his teacher today and then made a fool of myself asking her if she could tell if ds was lying and to find out if he did trip his sister up this morning.