Switching to private at year one - am i mad?

[daisypad]

Hi - newby here but I love the site so this is my tentative first post....!

My dd is just finishing reception at a local infants school - she has been really happy there and it is a great school - outstanding ofsted etc, but the class sizes are 30 with quite a few tricky kids. She is bright and is desperate to read and write as much as possible but the staff aim to read one to one only once a week and even then they don't often manage it, she is also fairly quiet and i am a bit worried about her getting lost in the class and left to coast.

the local junior schools are all pretty rubbish so we were planning on moving her to private from year 3 but now are wondering whether it might be better to move her now on the basis that she will get more support over the next couple of years and also that it might be easier on her from a social point of view as the classes won't have bonded so much now compared to in two years time.

the only downside of the private school (other than cost!!) is that it is a 20 minute drive away rather than 5 minute walk we have at the moment...

am i mad? am i turning into a pushy mother expecting too much from this stage of school? Should i just leave her where she is and move her when all of her class move on? am i going to damage her by taking her away from her friends?

any thoughts welcome...i'm getting too caught up in this i think i may have lost perspective.....

We must have crossed messages gladders! I think the school does have a big wait list for all years but even so i imagine it wouldnt look good for her. And btw she really doesn't know my dd or me so i am a bit sus about some of the things she has said!!

Hi Daisypad, how is the decision making going?

Have not read all threads, so apologies if already covered. You need to ask yourself 3 things:

1. Is your dd happy in her school?
2. Does she have good relationships with her peers?
3. Is she good with change?
4. Would she really benefit from being in private school at this stage?

Children will 'catch up' academically, but the emotional and social development is far more important at this stage in my very humble opinion. I have done both state and private schools for my children, so am aware of the dilemma.

The thing is the children at private are generally at least a year ahead, in some cases 2 of state schools so it's in her interests to move her now.
We had an awful year 3 with our daughter and the school talked me into giving it just one more year but now of course she only has year 5 and 6 to get up to speed before senior school. It may feel like you've all the time in the world but any parent of an 18 year old will tell you it flies by.
Are 100% sure of the private school, if so get on with it and get her in.

My DS's went to a large primary when they were little and were given 2 books on the second day and heard to read every 2 days from thereon in.
For the reasons you cite above ie getting lost in a big school , we moved them to a tiny village primary.To my horror when DD started there she was only heard to read once a week and only changed her book once a week unless I went in and asked to change it.
I really don't understand why.There wee only 15 children in the class so they should have had the time !

"is it really worth the extra money, time in the car, social upheavel etc to jump ship now rather than wait two years."

Oh yes. Those two years do matter. The classes at the indie school will bond more, and your DD will make closer friends where she is (which will make it more difficult to move her). Of course, children move schools all the time and adjust perfectly well. There's no reason why she should lose her local friends, even if after-school is more difficult. My DCs have lots of local friends despite going to an independent school. They see them at Beavers/Rainbows and a lot in the school holidays. I've found that if I get on with the mums, the children seem to see a lot of one another!! I see far more of our local friends than I do of school parents, who do tend to live in all sorts of far-flung places.

Academically, I'd be wary of switching from state to private at Y3. Your DD will almost certainly have to do quite a lot of catching up if she joins an indie in Y3. I'd have thought that changing schools was enough to cope with, without finding that you're 'behind' the rest of the new class. IME, indie schools that don't have a selective intake are still well ahead of their 'excellent' state counterparts.

Above all, though, I'd say it's best to go with your gut instinct on this. If you feel that the current school is generally better for your DD and your circumstances for the time being, that's the thing to go for. If you feel the independent school is the place where she would be happier (as well as learning something), I'd go for that. But only you know your DD, and only you know how you feel about the schools. FWIW, my local school is in the top 20 for state primaries, and I still chose the local independent one. In fact, there wasn't much choice - it was just outstandingly better in every way (friendly, polite children; the facilities aren't super-duper, but the whole school is suffused with warmth and kindness. They also cater fantastically well for all abilities).

Hi, I just came back to see what decision you've made.
I'm very surprised at what your headteacher said at your meeting. You are dd's parent and know her better than the Head and obviously have her best interests at heart.
My DD (5) and my DS (10) are both in a non selective prep school but are both working way ahead of their peers in the state sector.
My DS has in the past year (year 5) been studying what I have been teaching to my Year 7 students at my school (state secondary school) He will be starting to work for Common Entrance in Years 6,7 and 8 which is equivalent to GCSE work. He will be 13 when he takes his CE to get into senior schools.
This is all from a non selective school, I have no idea how far advanced selective preps are.
My childrens prep do take in children at Year 3 (the move from pre prep to prep) but have no idea if they are disadvantaged academically but they do integrate into the class/school with ease.
I still think that the move would be easier now rather than later
hth
CGM xx

Hi - sorry we have been away for a couple of weeks so have missed these latest posts.

We have definitely decided to go for the private option now. DD seems happy about it but I think she is actually a bit anxious (to be expected I guess) so will have to tread carefully in sept.

It really feels like the right decision now and I think all of your comments particularly from people who have seen both systems have been invaluable. I have also found out that there are two more girls starting in the class at the same time which I'm hoping will make things a little easier for her.

So fingers crossed it will all go well. No going back now - have just paid the first cheque!!!

thanks again

Children who have been read to at home will learn to read however much they are read with at school...they are designed to learn.

I've noticed with my dd that her reading and confidence in reading has improved over the summer holiday despite us never sitting down and doing any 'formal' work. (She is about to go into year 1).

Parents should be reading with infant aged children every other evening at least...it's a cheaper option than going private!

Plus, a state school does not want a bright child to fail...it doesn't help their league table position.

I really don't get how indie school pupils are two years ahead. When I was younger my indie friends seemed to be at pretty much the same level, with a bit of adjustment depending on how bright they were. And they had started school at 3.5 whereas I started at 5.

I just can't get my head round this claim that even pupils at non-selective independent schools are working two years ahead of their peers in even good state schools

Ds went into y6 at a highly academically selective independent school after being in the local state primary from half-way through reception. Half of the intake was from prep schools, half from state primaries. If what several posters are saying is true, the majority of kids in the top groups should have been the prep school kids, but that simply wasn't the case. My ds had no problems slotting in academically and was either ahead of, or keeping up with, kids who'd had an awful lot more spent on their education than he had ...

As a head I can honestly say if they are not being listened to every day in Reception to Y2 something is wrong. This is the crucial age to enthuse kids and ensure their reading skills are up to scratch. Both my ds's are in my private school and although ds1 has sen he is reading beautifully even with a 20 minute drive. If we invest in anything as parents its our ds education and although it is expensive, its worth it. The government needs to reduce class sizes and assist teachers in educating the kids. Off my soapbox now!!!

mimsum - but now you're spending lots of money - why?

dalex- indie head, I guess. We don't read with non-sen every day We involve all chidlren in the reading we are doing during lessons. They also have one or two guided reading groups (ability group) each week, in which we read (and discuss at length) books just above their home level. They do a task related to these books during the week, which will be followed up.

I think guided reading (group at same ability) / shared reading (with class) and home reading (with parents) works brilliantly - much better than 1:1 each day, even with low abilty children. Children are enthused by their peers and will always try to outdo each other. One of the best literacy ideas ever, and if you look at it, fairly revolutionary!

long story trickerg, but the school he's currently going to is the one that fits his needs best - it just happens to be independent - he has very complex special needs which I'm not going to go into here - I'd be only too delighted if we had a local, state option but we don't

DD's experience:-

Age 3- went to a beautiful private nursery
Joined state at reception & loved it
Year 1- started getting bored, some bad behaviour from key members of the class but overall not too bad
Year 2- Lessons became much more formal in the run up to sats which we originally thought would be good. However, because of league table pressure, school focussed attention on those who were struggling which happened to be the same children who were showing bad behaviour in year 1. Needless to say, more attention focussed on these particular children meant they thought their bad behaviour was being rewarded. Behaviour got much worse & DD saw these 'rewards' & her behaviour has deteriated & can't be bothered to work.
Year 3- Going private a year earlier than planned & hoping the change will help both her behaviour and education. Open day she was perfectly behaved for.
HOWEVER, her year 2 friends from her old state school have been absolutely horrid to her & wouldn't play with her once they knew she was changing schools making her very unhappy! I am hoping things will settle down, but DD hasn't wanted to see any of her old friends over the holidays & she may have lost many of them for good
Looking back on it, I wish we had done it earlier as 7 year olds can be very cruel. The only good thing about it is that she seems to have made some good friends on open day. It remains to be seen how she will get on when she officially starts next week.
Given experience, I'd change earlier rather than later!