Switching to private at year one - am i mad?

[daisypad]

Hi - newby here but I love the site so this is my tentative first post....!

My dd is just finishing reception at a local infants school - she has been really happy there and it is a great school - outstanding ofsted etc, but the class sizes are 30 with quite a few tricky kids. She is bright and is desperate to read and write as much as possible but the staff aim to read one to one only once a week and even then they don't often manage it, she is also fairly quiet and i am a bit worried about her getting lost in the class and left to coast.

the local junior schools are all pretty rubbish so we were planning on moving her to private from year 3 but now are wondering whether it might be better to move her now on the basis that she will get more support over the next couple of years and also that it might be easier on her from a social point of view as the classes won't have bonded so much now compared to in two years time.

the only downside of the private school (other than cost!!) is that it is a 20 minute drive away rather than 5 minute walk we have at the moment...

am i mad? am i turning into a pushy mother expecting too much from this stage of school? Should i just leave her where she is and move her when all of her class move on? am i going to damage her by taking her away from her friends?

any thoughts welcome...i'm getting too caught up in this i think i may have lost perspective.....

I think it depends on the two schools you are comparing and less on their private/state status.

DD1 is at local state school where they hear readers at least once a week. The best readers are definitely those who read a lot at home and/or are read to by their parents regularly.

Nearly all of DD1's out-of-school friends (mainly the children of my friends) are at private school. There is no clear difference between their academic ability in terms of writing and reading. However this is at Reception level - I know the local private schools really start pushing the boys in particular in Y1 to prepare them for the prep exams.

It's worth bearing in mind that though state school classes are large comparatively, they usually have far more helpers than the private schools (there's at least four in my daughter's class of 28). Therefore if your school is not hearing children read regularly, it's fair to ask why not and whether parents can go in to help with this.

IMVHO, and IME I would say that age 7 is the absolute worse time to change schools. Either do it now or wait until she is 11 and understands.

At 7 the gap can be wide and the friendships formed. Unless she is very clever and very confident, she may take a while to settle in.

Staranise, I have to disagree with your comment re helpers.

I've taught in infants with one p/t TA and no parental help. Out local primary has one teacher and one TA. Many schools share one TA in infants and another in juniors. At my son's independent school, in a class of 18 with one teacher, one f/t TA and one p/t TA on science days.

Most state primaries have nowhere near as much help esp in middle income areas where the majority of mums work f/t.

watching this thread with interest as DS1 is starting at village state infants in September, but we were/are planning on him starting at private school (also 20 minutes drive away) at year 3 when his DS2 starts reception at private school (so they'd start at same time).

how will she gst in at Yr 3?
will she need to sit an entrnace (for want of better word) 'exam'as kids in this borough end up being tutored which is madissimus

Both my 2 are at a private prep school. My dd is about to leave reception at the end of this week and I am so pleased at her reading level

She reads to the teacher every morning (there are 14 children in her class) and is now on the reading scheme for Year 1 pupils.

Her school day starts at 8.30 and finishes at 3.20, though some days she has to do late stay till 4.30 to tie in with her brothers finishing time.

Her class also has a TA to listen to them read as well.

I'd move your child now, In our opinion their education is worth every penny!

DS is in year 5 btw!

Hope this helps,

CGM xx

DS did three years did at our local primary before moving to prep school. We didn't have the option of moving sooner as the pre-prep was full, but I was perfectly happy for him to spend the early years at primary. TBH I have no idea how much time they spent hearing him read, but I listened to him read every day so I didn't see that as a problem.

He is bright (his Year 2 teacher told me he was one of, if not the, brightest children in the class). Perhaps as a result of this we had a few problems with him causing some disruption in class - there were 28 of them and 20 of them were boys!

Since moving, however, he has really flourished. The school is excellent and produces fantastic results, even though it is not academically selective. One of the main benefits is not just the advantages of smaller class sizes but all the other activities they can do - choirs, orchestras, drama, archery, climbing, sports. They have fantastic grounds to play in, and no nonsense about banning conkers etc. His previous primary school had a lovely climbing frame built by one of the dads, but the children were never allowed to play on it in case they hurt themselves!

As others have mentioned not all schools are better just because they are private. We have two in our nearest town, and I wouldn't touch the other one with a bargepole. A good way to judge is to meet the children in the top two years and judge the school by the 'product'. The 6th formers at DSs school are very impressive. They are not at all arrogant and stuck-up. They are polite and self-assured.

I think you will find a lot of other children will start at year 3 (in DSs case over half his year started at that time). I don't think she will be at any disadvantage by doing her three years at a state school, and she will have a shorter journey in when she is still little. She will soon catch up when she moves.

DSs school is a 20 minute drive, but we have a school run with some other parents who live nearby. Some parents drive 50 mins to get there, so I consider myself lucky!

DSs school day finishes at 5pm. Lessons until 3 then tea then sport. He used to go on Saturday until 4pm too, although the school is changing this from September. When he started I found that he was actually less tired and grumpy than when he was coming home at 3.30. Also the terms are much shorter.

You will find it impossible to keep up with old school friends outside the school holidays. DS was sad to leave his old friends when he changed, but he was so excited about the new school it was not really a problem.

If you are happy with her primary school then I would leave her be, but if not then move her.

Hope this (incredibly long!) rambling helps .

Hi Thanks so much for your advice. There seems to be a bit of a consensus about the best time to move being now rather than 7.

I think I will also keep finding fault in her exisiting school if we don't move - eg yesterday she was read to but only the first 3 pages of her book - and that was the first time for 2 weeks!! I read with her everynight so I know how long it takes and 3 pages is barely worth the effort!!

The school we are thinking of is non selective, small classes, orchestra, french etc - all the good stuff so I know it makes sense, now it is just the friends thing. I think after a whole week of long days she will be too tired to do much in the way of local clubs/classes and maybe the odd play with old friends at the weekend will be the way to go but these things easily drift so I guess it is down to me to make extra effort to keep those friendships going.

I really appreciate everyones comments - i am feeling a lot more comfortable with the decision now. Just got to go through that awful thing of telling people in her school and the reaction of other parents.... help!

Very tricky one! My dd is at private school and is thriving academically but because there are only 4 girls in class issues arise that I feel would not arise in larger classes as far as social development....friends etc. My main motivation for private school was social development etc and until I'd experienced it small classes would have always seemed the way to go but if there was a state school that was even average I would seriously consider it.....there aren,t any. I also travel a distance which apart from eating fuel means after school teas etc are very difficult.

Just to say that my son was also only heard reading once a week in reception (also an outstanding school). It has been far more frequent in year one - not always a teacher but often a teaching assistant and parents who go into help - he gets a book change every day he finishes a book but as he's on much longer books it sometimes takes 3 days to get through them (eg some have 48 pages). If that's all you're worried about I'd stick with the current school until year 3 and then move as planned. you also mentioned "tricky" children - will they be in the same class next year?

And I wouldn't worry about being behind at private school - your child will soon catch up - and anyway, what's the point of being so far ahead, they sit the same GCSE and A levels - there aren't separate exams for private school and state school children (unless they do International Bacc. etc but even then some state schools do it as well). What's more important is the extr-curricular stuff, which I suspect IS considerably better at private school - but there again, does it matter before the age of 7/8?

PS I don't agree with homework for primary school kids - and they get even more at private schools.

My instinct would be to keep her where she is for 2 more years and then move, assuming you even still want to by that stage.

I moved my child after two terms in a noisy but friendly reception class in state (OFSTED outstanding) and put him in to private where he thrived. I have never regretted it. He was four and made friends in the new place very quickly. Our main reason was that he was lost in the big class, was not reading or writing at all, and they had several changes of teacher. Yes, some of the parents were sniffy about what I did but I know I did what was best for my child.
It's not that I am against state education - my youngest is at the local nursery now and very happy, as am I.
Not sure if your child has seen round the new school, but their reaction can also help your decision.

hellywobs - the homework thing is not always the case. DD has about 10 minutes a night at more (Y2, prep school). A quick search on MN shows that tis is a lot less than many children in state primaries.

Got to be your decision based on your knowledge of your own child.

However, reading and writing at that age is (in my opinion) heavily connected with what happens at home / supportive parents. A bright child isn't necessarily going to suffer in a big, busy state classroom if they're getting lots of encouragement and support from their parents.

Personal opinion - primary school is about nurturing a love for learning, building a child's confidence in trying (and perservering at) stuff, and social skills. Social skills a BIG one.

My Ds just moved to private school for Y7 this year after a state primary education - did not do reception , learned to read aged 6 and I am just about to set off for prizegiving to see him receive the headmaster's prize in English for his year..
so my advice is chill, save your money and fuel and move at end of primary

Hi there, I have been reading all of this with great interest. My DH & I have been discussing whether to pull our DS1 out of his school. He is just about to finish reception. The school has just had an OFSTED report which has given them notice to improve. Weren't expecting great report due to lack of head for over a year. New Head just in place who does appear to be good & has come from an outstanding local school. DS1 is still on same level books as when he started and apparently they are only read with once every 6 weeks!! I think we could afford private but only just. It is such a dilemma. Also have a DS2 who will start in Sept next year. What would you do and how do you make the decision????

You have to make sure you can afford it before you start, as it is harder to take them out at a alter stage IMO.

Bear in mind that school fees usually go up most than inflation - we were todl to be prepared for 10% a year. It hasn't actually been that so far, but some schools do go up this amount.

deste - my DD came home from her state primary with a reading book/folder on her first day there in Reception, even though she was 'mornings only' for 2 whole terms. She was heard at school every day in Reception (and at home too).

Childrenknowyour limit

Negotiate on fees if it'll be a struggle, tell the school, lots of people are not sending their DC's due to redundancies, if you think your job is secure but it'll be tight and you have two customers to send them then ask for a decent discount, it worked for us.

Hi, newbie here too, but in the exactly same position, as daisypad. My dd is at local nursery school where the teaching has been fantastic, but the main school has class sizes of 30, some disruptive children and they "try" and read with each child once a week. We have a private school about 10mins drive away compared to a 3 minute walk and lots of friends made. We have made the really difficult decision (financial and leaving friends behind) to send her to private school. I think friends change a lot at 4 and it's easier than at 7. The new class size is 13 with a TA. I haven't said much to other parents as when I did mention to one mum who I know from different year group she stopped talking to me! Just waiting to get to Friday when school breaks up. Good luck daisypad!

The important thing is to read with your children at home. Putting the time in there could save you thousands!

You may find that the teachers aren't reading with your child that often because they are happy with their progress.

Hi - don't want to push my luck asking for more advice on this thread but could really do with some more!!

We were all set to go for the private - DH very keen to go down this route, told DD and she is happy about it but then I popped into to tell the head at her exisiting school on the last day of term and she did a complete number on me!!

Her attitude was that this was the absolute worst time to move her and that we should wait till everyone has to leave at end of yr2. Her reasons being that DD is starting to blossom there and that it could really set her back by moving her. She went on to say they have the best KS1 sats in the area and that DD had done so well on her ELG's because of the hard work that the teachers have put in. She did take on board my comments about the reading frequency and did say that the yr 1 teacher she would be going to is really good. She also thought that it is easy to misunderstand the reception year because it can appear to be "a bit woolly" to parents and that yr 1 is more structured. She was very nice and seemed to have DD's best interests at heart but now I am completely confused and have been feeling physically sick about the whole thing ever since.

I just don't know what to do! I'm starting to think that I have got completely carried away and that maybe I am expecting too much and that I should be grateful she is happy and doing well at a very good state primary and that that should be all that matters for the next two years. Or should I go for private on the basis that just from a numbers perspective she will get more attention and therefore a better education, but then also how much does all of this really matter at this stage???

HELP!!!!

Stick with your gut instinct!

Of course the Head wants to keep your dd, she has her own agenda for that. (ie financial, likely good end of Y2 results, not wanting to look bad to other parents etc)

Do what your heart tells you and always remember no school is perfect!

daisypad - have you not had to pay your deposit etc already? most independent schools require at leasta terms notice so whatever you do now you will be liable for a term's fees?

if you have made the decision, based on your knowledge of your child, then you should stick to it IMO. sending her back to her primary school in september will only confuse her now.

and toptip is right - the head ay be very nice. she may even know your daughter well. BUT it is in her own interest to ensure pupil numbers do not drop off.

Fewer pupils = reduced funding = she has to make cuts at the school.

thanks Toptip - I do seem to have this nagging doubt that we should keep her where she is but I don't know if that is gut instinct or that i am scared of making the decision!

Gladders - i have paid a £75 fee so far and have 600 to pay any day so have been holding off as long as possible (naughty really) before i pay this chunk. DD does seem excited by new school so it would be difficult but not impossible to change our minds.

I just keep thinking about the ease of our existing school and that it is a good one (although by no means perfect) so is it really worth the extra money, time in the car, social upheavel etc to jump ship now rather than wait two years. How much more could she get out of going private for two years than she will get by staying where she is????