shameless boast-ds has had his poem he wrote at school entered into a national competition. come tell me what you think of it! (he is dying to hear your opinions!)

[belcantwait]

he is 10.

here goes:

Going to the beach

I went to the beach on a windy day
BUt the colour had died. the magic was grey.
The tide had paused, but the wind still blew.
Inside me the anger grew and grew.
Then, when i was fit to burst,
I had not seen the very worst.
The dark swept over and covered the sea.
The only person there was me.
Above my head, a monochrome sky.
I lowered my head, and started to cry.

[proud mummy emoticon]
what do you think??? he values the mn opinion!

Oh very good. Agree with treedelivery, very emotionally mature.

brought a tear to my eye, sign of a good piece of writing

Wow that is really good

Interesting theory teafortwo - I thought it was all about the environment, humans wrecking the beautiful earth etc

Oh yes - yurtgirl - it could be that too.

The thing is with poetry there is no wrong or right and the poem takes on a life beyond the poet...

... but I would love to know what his thoughts were.

bumping for the night owls.....

That poem is fantastic
Well done

Well done your DS -lots of feeling in it.I thought the first 2 lines were especially effective.

It's a really good poem. You have every right to be proud.

Love 'monochrome sky', I think I might try to use it in a sentence

Very impressed with that poem, you and he must be very proud. Well done

it is really good! impressed

Excellent poem, and very mature. I would be impressed if it had been written by an adult, let alone a 10 year old. A very real sense of disillusionment and sadness to it.

He has also managed to make good use of rhyme and rhythm while still sounding natural and not sacrificing the meaning.

It's very good. Very good for 10 as well.