shameless boast-ds has had his poem he wrote at school entered into a national competition. come tell me what you think of it! (he is dying to hear your opinions!)

[belcantwait]

he is 10.

here goes:

Going to the beach

I went to the beach on a windy day
BUt the colour had died. the magic was grey.
The tide had paused, but the wind still blew.
Inside me the anger grew and grew.
Then, when i was fit to burst,
I had not seen the very worst.
The dark swept over and covered the sea.
The only person there was me.
Above my head, a monochrome sky.
I lowered my head, and started to cry.

[proud mummy emoticon]
what do you think??? he values the mn opinion!

[hercules1]

It's very good. Very good for 10 as well.

[melpomene]

Excellent poem, and very mature. I would be impressed if it had been written by an adult, let alone a 10 year old. A very real sense of disillusionment and sadness to it.

He has also managed to make good use of rhyme and rhythm while still sounding natural and not sacrificing the meaning.

[Firawla]

it is really good! impressed

[AttillaTheHan]

Very impressed with that poem, you and he must be very proud. Well done

[TrillianAstra]

Love 'monochrome sky', I think I might try to use it in a sentence

[TheChilliMoose]

It's a really good poem. You have every right to be proud.

[katiestar]

Well done your DS -lots of feeling in it.I thought the first 2 lines were especially effective.

[MrsWeasley]

That poem is fantastic
Well done

[teafortwo]

bumping for the night owls.....

[teafortwo]

Oh yes - yurtgirl - it could be that too.

The thing is with poetry there is no wrong or right and the poem takes on a life beyond the poet...

... but I would love to know what his thoughts were.

[Yurtgirl]

Wow that is really good

Interesting theory teafortwo - I thought it was all about the environment, humans wrecking the beautiful earth etc

[MamaMuesli]

brought a tear to my eye, sign of a good piece of writing

[JackBauer]

Oh very good. Agree with treedelivery, very emotionally mature.

[teafortwo]

I think it is about the end of childhood and beginning of the teen years - noticing for the first time the negative side of life and not liking it.

I'd like to know from the poet if I am right.

[Tortington]

wow

[spongebrainmaternitypants]

Fantastic!

I'm a teacher too, and used to teach kids your DS' age - not many of them could have produced something that mature at aged 10.

Good luck in the competition .

[Metella]

It's excellent - I can assure you that my 10-year-old would have no idea that a word like monochrome exists!!

[teafortwo]

Wow - The rhyming format makes it innocent and child like thus making the sad, dark and meaningful content even more powerful. It made me shiver.

What a wonderfully talented boy!

[GrimmaTheNome]

Its an excellent poem but I hope you're not going to the seaside for your summer hols

'The magic was grey' - thats a really good line.

[Wittering]

That is a lovely poem, really good. Best of luck with the comp.

[FatGirlThin]

Brilliant! (and I'm a teacher so that really counts )

[verygreenlawn]

How lovely that he is so creative. I'd be proud too.

[TsarChasm]

Wow! First class poem - he deserves to win with it!

[piscesmoon]

Sorry -I meant

[piscesmoon]

Well done! (smile)