Do your children have to apologise to the whole class for being late?

[flightoftheeasterbunyip]

Ds told me this last night...if they are late they get an 'L' on the register, until they have publicly apologised to the entire class, after which they get a tick and all is forgotten.

I was appalled - considering it's usually the parents' fault, or nobody's fault, and I understand it's to create a sense of social responsibility but FFS they are FIVE.

Sorry am very angry about this. Yet another thing to 'have a word' about...

At our Primary, they had the "Punctuality Cup". Each class competed with each LATE counted against them. The class with the least got an extra playtime - so any persistently late child got hounded by all classmates!

Personally I can't understand persistent lateness. I am one of the most disorganised people I know but my children have never been late for school (DS1 is in Y5)

Yes soupy I know, it upsets me too - I've been known to ditch potential boyfriends for being late, but I suppose sometimes we all fuck up and this is her only real failure as far as social conscience goes. I'm guessing but I think she just can't not be late, it's a kind of passive aggressive thing in much the same way as some people can't lose weight or stop spending money.

In my case I have a block about learning to cook and absolutely hate feeding my children if it emans I have to think about food. It's totally irrational and worries me although they do get fed, just not in the optimum sort of way I'd like them to - I think it's a kind of anger, really. Probably to do with my parents and my not wanting to finally be an adult and let them off the hook...I have to be seen to be failing in some way.

Anyway that's all a bit off topic I suppose. But I can see how it coems about that some people are very late for everything.

By pA I mean also self anger, if that makes sense.

there can be reasons Soup.

A friend of mine suffered from depression and it made it really hard for her to cope with time-keeping or to do things in a hurry; it seemed to affect the part of your brain that deals with time management iyswim.

My own dd used to have panic attacks every morning, so I had to physically force a hysterical 9yo (almost as tall as me) out of the house and along the road (we have no car). My timekeeping was still pretty good, but not perfect.

This year she has been late from time to time with her LEA transport breaking down or a replacement driver who doesn't know the route.

Ok I have an update.

Got dragged into the classroom this morning before the bell, along with both ds's and a classroom assistant (really uncomfortable about talking about ds in front of him but she just grabbed me, so I didn't have a chance to think - she's like that)

Anyway she said she only keeps them in if they have been consistently told to stop chatting, and still haven't finished their work when they are capable of it - like tracing letters, apparently this was the time he was kept in. I know he can do that, so I guess it's fair enough to keep him in for 'two minutes' (she said) if he was just chatting. However am not totally convinced it's as low key as she made out. Poor ds was standing there as she told me all about it and I felt so sorry for him. I couldn't get a word in.

Anyway the apologising bit...she said it's not school policy, it's just her, as she likes to foster good manners and also she said, it prevents all the other children coming up to her and going 'so and so is here, mrs thing'. She said it wasn't a big deal and I told her (after being interrupted several times as I tried to open my mouth) that he found it very upsetting, and I wasn't sure I agreed with her on it as it wasn't his fault he was late, and it was humiliating for him.

There was an uncomfortable pause. This is when it all gets a bit weird. I said 'I can understand you need to know where he is, and that he's arrived, but making him apologise to the whole class seems unfair - I'd be happy to come in and apologise to them as it's my fault'. she said 'Oh!" No, it's not to the whole class!!' and then proceeded to go on at length with much horror and some amusement (?genuine) about how she would never do that, and it would be impossible to manage, and so on

and that we were at cross purposes, so of course we all laughed and decided it was totally the wrong end of the stick that had been got, and all was well.

However thinking back it doesn't make any sense does it. If he only has to apologise to her, how does that work re letting all the children know he has arrived? I don't understand that. Maybe she thought I meant he had to go round apologising to each person individually? Obviously that would be hard to manage...

so I am totally baffled now. I think actually that was the intention. I am baffled and have once more placed my trust in Mrs Thing.

why were you talking to the TA and not the teacher?
I think you should insist on a meeting with the teacher after school tbh

No no the teacher was there too. I think she got TA in to back her up tbh although she was probably there already, teacher decided now was good time as she had backup.

More I think about this the dodgier it is really.

not sure what to suggest
are you still thinking of taking him out?
he's in yr 1 isn't he?
do you know anything about the yr 2 teachers, if they are any better?

Thanks. My friend's son is in yr 2 and not much better, no...they're emigrating soon ha

I am considering it yes. I would like a straight answer from them first though. I need it to back up any decision I make to my family, who all hate HE and hate me as well.

How can I phrase it later on when I see her? Can I say, i'm unclear on what we discussed this morn, how do you ensure the whole class knows the child has arrived, if they don't apologise publicly as it were?'

I am going to sound like a nit picking loon.

Yes you do rather.

that's helpful.

I think what she was saying flight is that they apologise to her publicly in front of the class, but they don't go round apologising to each child.
Are there other reasons why you are thinking of removing your ds? Will he have the same teacher next year?

I think if traffic jams cause lateness then a lot of children are affected. I assume this is to cure those who just can't be bothered/organised to leave early enough to get to school on time.

ABetaDad I think the teacher should have spoken to you. Ds's school has a very strict out of school dress code so travelling to school in anything other than full school uniform isn't permitted.

MollieO - I agree. It is not the wearing the uniform part that annoys me. I am very strict on uniform which bizzarely the school is not generally.

The 'not speaking to me' part was the annoying bit. She stood right in front of me with DS1 beside me in his sport kit and said nothing. She also saw me at the parents evening a week before in a one-on-one.

She has done it before on a another issue which I think is the reason I am annoyed.

Just an update as I thought people might be interested.

I emailed her the same day and explained that I had been trying to figure out what we'd agreed, and felt we were still at crossed purposes.

I said that ds was generally happy in her care but with all due respect etc I would rather come in and apologise myself than know that he had to do that.

I finally got a reply yesterday saying thatw as fine, and that if he was truly so upset about it, he would be allowed to let her or the TA know he was present, and not have to make it public.

Result - I've been told by a few parents that she is rather strict, so this is obv one of her little habits and I am very glad I made a stand about it. Shame she won't change policy for all the children, but at least ds knows I stood up for him and she listened - important message I think.

Thanks for the support

I think it OTT
But I find it strange that so many people think a 5 yr old can't ever be to blame for being late !