Considering weekly boarding for DD - advice please

[RockinSockBunnies]

I'm aware that boarding is a hugely controversial subject on MN but I'm somewhat stuck between a rock and a hard place and would appreciate opinions on what may be best. Apologies if this is somewhat lengthy.

DD is currently in a Yr 3 state school in London. All fine. As of September next year, when she'll be starting in Yr 5, I'll be starting full-time as a trainee lawyer at a City firm, working insane hours and having no life!

I also happen to be a single mother. When I worked in the past, before studying again, I had an au pair. Problem is, we live in a two-bedroomed rented house. I shared with DD for the year (she was 6/7 then) and slept on a pull out futon, whilst au pair had my room. The arragement worked fine, but it's not an experience I wish to repeat again, especially as DD is getting older.

I've been quite keen to send DD down the private school route for many reasons (including better opportunities in arts, music, sport etc that she just doesn't have at her current school). My mother is willing to chip in towards the fees. I'd also like her to have the chance to spend time outside London, in the countryside, with space to play, horses to ride, rural idyll sort of thing .

So, I've found a lovely school in Hertfordshire and have been debating whether it will be best for us to move there, rent a three-bedroomed place, get another au pair or, for me to remain in London in our house, DD to weekly board and come home at weekends.

Whatever option we take, there's little chance that she'll see much, if any, of me, from Monday to Friday, since I'll be working long long hours. So, would it be best for her at home with an au pair, or best at school, boarding with friends?

DD is confident, very social, very adaptable. She's stayed with friends of mine, with family and with her friends on many occasions and never batted an eyelid. She says she'd prefer to weekly board and be with frieds at school, then catch up with her London friends at weekends. I'm undecided. I boarded at 11, was homesick for two terms, then settled in fine.

Are there any people out there who have had children weekly board successfully from aged nine onwards? Or anyone with any words of wisdom?

If she is an only child then weekly boarding (if she is up for it) will probably be fine, mine loved it (and still do ) but check the school's boarding reputation with anyone and everyone you can who knows the school first.....

It was the weekend working that would worry me actually. Fridays are often the busiest day - the day your daughter would be coming home. Even if you are not asked to work a weekend (I never did), what do you do when you have to stay Friday night until 10? You can set expectations, but occasionally you might just come across a macho partner who's a dick and will make you stay for the sake of it. Even if you can work at home. Just because he can and because he's got little wifey holding the fort with his five kids who he never sees.

Non-transactional departments are the way to go if you can express a preference. I actually didn't do a corporate seat but that's very rare and that's when the problems will start. But if you can delay that until year two at least your daughter would be a year older. Maybe you should have a chat with HR and see if you can arrange to do say competition and employment in the first year and corporate and litigation in the second year. But that won't solve the problem of weekends and holidays.

Hellywobs makes a good point about Fridays.

Assuming the school is not just a weekly boarding school then perhaps you could arrange to collect your daughter straight after breakfast on a Saturday morning???

Obviously the best way to approach this with your daughter would be to assume she would always stay Friday nights and be collected on Saturday mornings rather than let her down at the last minute. If you had this approach it would mean that you could still pick her up on a Friday night if circumstances allowed but she would not expecting it. It is worth bearing in mind though that for children, that boarding becomes a massive hit, she may not actually want to come home on a Friday night,if she is expecting to spend it with her friends.

I have had to accept that some weekends my DD does not wish to come home anymore, but I suppose I would rather she was happy to make that choice independently than have her unhappy there.