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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Moving schools in year 5

41 replies

keevamum · 02/04/2009 21:33

My DD is in year 4 and has just been offered a place in the school we really wanted 3 years down the line. Do we move her now?! We have not been happy with the standard of education she has had in her present school but she likes it and is settled and is happy....she won't want to move in short. We on the other hand think we will live to regret not moving her if we don't do it. We know the school is very good academically and we really hope and think she will do better there, but I don't want to be responsible for making her very unhappy.....Does anyone have any experience of this or any advice??

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mumto2andnomore · 02/04/2009 21:45

I have a daughter in Y5 and I couldnt move her, friendships are solid and she would be gutted. Is she struggling or just not doing as well as you hoped ?

Original poster

keevamum · 02/04/2009 21:57

She does have very strong friendships and yes she would be gutted to leave as well. She hasn't really ever done as well as she should. The ethos of the school seems to be to achieve mediocrity but never strives to push the really bright children. I am really torn between sending her to the better school where she may achieve more and potentially go on to a better secondary school as a result or keep her where she is and accept that she is never going to fulfill her potential. My heart would break to break her heart for no reason but if it makes a difference even a tiny difference then is it worthwhile?
At secondary level her and her peers will all have to be split up anyway as there are several secondary schools here and I know she will not be going to one with her closest friends as that is a catholic school.
I am really torn and undecided. If her school hadn't been as shoddy as it has been in the last two years I wouldn't even consider it.

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kid · 02/04/2009 22:01

How about talk to her about it, let her go and visit the new school and talk through the benefits of moving school.
Kids do settle very quickly and kids usually accept new comers and take them under their wing.
My DD is in Year 5 and I wouldn't move her due to her shyness and personality. It would take too long for her to get new friends and I feel that would interfere with her learning.

Good luck, its a tricky decision.

Original poster

keevamum · 02/04/2009 22:07

Thanks for your replies. Yes we are going to broach it with her over Easter. She seems to make friends easily but she doesn't always respond well to change. We will also go on a visit there and see if that helps change her mind.
If we do go ahead with the move though, are there any helpful tips or advice that might help to make it an easier and smoother transition?

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 02/04/2009 22:11

I wouldn't move her now because she is going to have to move again after 4 more terms. Even if the other school is better, it will take her the best part of a term to get used to it and then the next term you will be looking at secondary schools.

piscesmoon · 02/04/2009 22:12

Sorry-I see she is year 4 not year 5-in that case there is more time-I would go with the visit suggestion.

Original poster

keevamum · 02/04/2009 22:19

Thank you for replies. Now has anyone got a magic wand to make me feel better about it?
Still haven't made the decision but am thoroughly miserable just thinking about it?

OP posts:

RustyBunny · 02/04/2009 22:19

If she is Year 4 now, do you mean she'll be moving in September, when she goes in to Year 5?

We had 5 new children starting in year 5 last September at the junior school I work at & they are all settled & happy, including the one who arrived on the first day of term speaking no English at all and never having met her teacher or any of the children (they arrived from Poland in the middle of the summer holiday)

It's not uncommon for children to change schools at that time and if she's Year 4 now & is moving in September she'll have 2 years at the new school before she moves again.

herbietea · 02/04/2009 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

keevamum · 02/04/2009 22:26

Yes rusty bunny you clarified it perfectly. Yes she is year 4 and will be moving to the other school in September, her first day in year 5. Sorry I didn't make it clear.
Do you really think it can work? She will still see her old friends at Brownies and I would make a big effort for her to have play dates too....
How can I sell it to my DD?

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neverwasswedishanyway · 02/04/2009 22:51

I moved my dd at Christmas of Y5 and ds in May of Y4 - big issues with a staff member at the other school and she wanted to move. It's the best thing that ever happened to them - but it was a great school and there was a good reason for changing.

Original poster

keevamum · 03/04/2009 22:11

Thanks for the comments. Any ideas how to soften the blow if we go ahead?

OP posts:

SAMS73 · 04/04/2009 00:31

why dont you ask for the some of the children to come over for playdates during the holidays so she get to know someone when she starts

roisin · 04/04/2009 02:42

I would move her, definitely.
You obviously have some anxieties and worries, it is crucial that you don't communicate these to dd at all.

Personally (I'm an autocrat) I would not give her any say whatsoever. I would just present it to her in a very upbeat manner:

"dd, we've just had the most fantastic news. The HT of XXX school has just phoned us up to say they've got a space at their school and it's just right for you. We're going to arrange for you to visit the school next term so that you can start making new friends - I know how good you are at making friends. Then you will start ft in September. This is just the most wonderful news!"

Plan a little celebration - a meal out, or whatever suits your family traditions. So that she will realise it's an occasion to celebrate and delight over.

If possible print out some photos form the website, so that you can show her something of the school immediately.

nooka · 04/04/2009 04:15

I agree with Roisin, you have to be really careful about involving children in decisions at that age - what if you take her along think that the move is absolutely the thing to do, but she feels scared and doesn't want to do it? The worst thing is to give them the idea that there is a choice and then not follow through on it (even if that is for their benefit).

We moved ds and dd in year 4 and 3 respectively (at Easter) last year, and then again six months later (not intentionally - it was an overseas move and then dh lost his job and we had to move again). dd sailed through it, made new friends in a few weeks, and was about as sad to say goodbye to her NYC friends of six months as her UK ones of several years. ds found it very tough, but he had a very close group of friends, and is not the best on the social skills front.
The deciding factors on the settling into the school front was how welcoming the teacher was, and how much help they gave with the changes (which were significant for us, but shouldn't be so much for you). With the friendships if you can make sure to keep the best ones going out of school there shouldn't be too much disruption.

It sounds like you are really concerned about the current school, I would seriously consider the move, it could really open doors for your dd at secondary level.

thirtypence · 04/04/2009 07:21

The school I teach at takes a new intake at year 5 to make 2 classes. So I wouldn't hesitate.

bigTillyMint · 04/04/2009 07:32

Would you be moving for the start of Year 5? That would not be a bad time to move academically.

I know that DD would have rather die than move schools at that age - she is sooooo attached to her friends, despite being very bubbbly and outgoing. It is a hard call. And your DD may not suddenly make loads of progress and do loads better academically at the new school just because it has a better reputation. Vry tricky decision.

Original poster

keevamum · 04/04/2009 08:35

Thanks everyone. Good point about her not picking up on my anxieties - I will remember that. Talk about a guilt trip though!

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peanutbutterkid · 04/04/2009 08:46

I was labeled gifted at the age of 7. My school was in a deprived area of the city, so my parents moved me to a school in an upmarket part of the city, with a special programme for gifted pupils.

I had a miserable time at the new school. I never made friends, I was the bottom of the social order and picked on by seemingly everybody. My parents decided I was the socially awkward one and didn't seriously consider moving me again. I was socially isolated for years. So I became very mediocre academically. It took me years after I left primary to recover self-esteem.

My experience may be irrelevant to OP's family. But personally, I would be very very reluctant to move a happy child. I'm not sure how OP can be so sure that her child is not achieving her full potential. I'd mega-hassle the school to stretch her more or get in a tutor before I'd move a child who is happy going into school every day.

Original poster

keevamum · 04/04/2009 09:14

I do hassle her current school constantly and I am sure they and I are fed up of it. They do admit and agree with me that she is underachieving...only 1 teacher managed to get the best from her. I was very happy that year. The others agree that she should be doing better she has only made 2/3rds of a level progress in 2 years! She is very bright but she doesn't like to stand out from her friends who are more average (and that is not meant derogatory)so she does the bare minimum she can and her teachers let her get away with it because to push her is harder work for them. She is happy at the moment but I can not imagine she will ever really improve at the school she's at as apart from a couple of really interested and commited teachers the rest are trying to get all the kids to reach a certain level, which they don't need to push her to do as she will always do ok without any work on their parts. I am sorry that sounds harsh but we have been really fed up with the teacher's attitude.

OP posts:

peanutbutterkid · 04/04/2009 09:18

Do you think she would fit in socially at the other school? That was my problem, looking back. I was a quirky sort of person which can be fine if you come up thru reception with a group who get to know you, or if you have a school where there's a diversity in types of people and the children learn to be tolerant.

But I ended up in a school where I was quite different (very independent-minded) from the others, so I was a target from the start.

Original poster

keevamum · 04/04/2009 09:25

I think so as she is a fairly sociable child who gets on well with lots of children...and like one of the previous posters said I can try to make some play dates with some of her future classmates over the summer. I know one parent with a child in her year group so I am sure she can put me in touch with some others. I am aware she may not make progress in the new school but shouldn't we at least try?

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RubberDuck · 04/04/2009 09:34

I have to say that I'd be reluctant to move unless you had to. I was moved (slightly older) for Y6 at a new school in a new area. Like peanutbutterkid, I didn't really recover socially and my self-esteem plummeted.

I would move heaven and earth to prevent a move away from a school where my kids are happy, tbh. If they're happy and you're supportive, then that will more than make up for any academic shortfall of the school, imo.

thirtypence · 04/04/2009 09:46

I would want to be sure she would lift her game at the new school. Ending up bottom of the class could either make or break her.

Original poster

keevamum · 04/04/2009 18:25

Anyone have any positive experiences of changing school at this later date?

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