Has anyone started down the road of private education really struggling to afford it - and if so, what happened?

[wheelsonthebus]

my dh has just lost his job. i have a bit of savings and a salary. However we will struggle hugely to do private on one salary alone. We are unhappy with the performance of the local primary state school (as is Ofsted). Do we struggle ahead with private, or just cut our losses and hope we can afford tuition if and when necessary, and try to teach our son at home after school as best we can.

I have concluded that a private primary is not as important as the secondary, with some good extra curricular activities your child will do well. It's all about parental involvement at this age. Class behaviour is generally better in a state primary then some state secondaries

lilian gish - terrible is a perojative term. all i know is parents intensively tutor their kids between the state school and the private sector because the gap is so wide. (2 years intense tuition to get them from the school to private secondary for example, one dad told me). i think that is such a miserable experience for a child. it's schools where kids should learn, not home (unless you home educate of course...)

Wheels - ours is currently around £2,200 per term per child. Lunches are extra (about £140 per term per child); uniform is the main additional cost, though I got most of ours very cheaply in the second-hand uniform sale, and the shirts/shorts/tights came from M&S/Asda. We don't pay for school trips, theatre visits and so on - they're all included.

I really, really feel for you. We will have the same problem at secondary, and I dread it.

It's interesting to hear these stories. I don't know of a single parent who's withdrawing their child from our school, though a lot of them are struggling. We've had to get DD into another school this last week, as we're moving because DS has just got a choral scholarship (which is another way round the fees problem!!) Only one private school in the whole city had any spaces at all in her year...

scrooged - fascinating, tho makes my heart sink...;)

Do you only have the choice of one state school?

Sorry.

Any chance of moving out of London? It doesn't sound the best place to be for schools unless one can afford private all the way or you have very bright DCs who can sail in to a private secondary at 11.

we can't move at the mo; my job is london based, and our house would go so cheaply (if it went at all) in this climate. we couldn't afford a hit like that (unless i lost my job too of course).

dottoressa - thanks; your posts are hugely helpful.

yes piscesmoon - we applied for six state schools and got a place in one. our area is heavily overpopulated with kids, and requires Pope-like attendance if you want a decent church school. i often work weekends so we never managed it.

But surely it's a miserable existence for everyone if your are totally skint as a result and wondering if every term will be the last term if you can't afford the fees and all the extras?

Sorry-I hadn't appreciated you were in London.

pours second glass of red wine and ponders the additional nightmare of secondary school...(am i wishing away my life and ds's? my dear mum claims that if you have got yr health, you've got it all...)

How about the state primary and a tutor if she needs it. It will be far cheaper, then look for a secondary that offers bursaries/scholarships? I've come to believe that it's far better to educate through experience, it's more fun this way and it's alot cheaper then a private school.

Listen to scrooge - she speaks sense.

Your mum is also right - I hope you never have to find that out.

thanks liliangish - i don't disagree with you.

trouble is, everyone on this post speaks sense .

Can you contact the 5 other schools (or go through the LEA - different boroughs do different things) and get your dc's name on their waiting lists?

Aww, thanks.

Wheels - thanks .

I really feel for you wheels - I can just imagine how delighted you were when he got the place and mapped out his entire future in your mind, but I don't think you need to think of this as now or never. I would count my blessing that dh didn't lose his job after ds started the school, make the saving for now with a view to him going a couple of years down the line.

my dd1 is in private sector - she started in recep before we had concieved dd2 ( who was a surprise) .dd2 starts recep in sept and i would say think long and hard about the private route. private schooling from recep onwards i feel is a luxury for those among us who can write a cheque without thinking about it. i love my childrens' school and can see the advabtage they are getting by being there but i am not sure it outweighs the worry and sacrifices it takes. certainli recep to yr 2 i would use a local school and back up with lots of fun activities outside school. hopefully financially you will be in a better position in afew yrs. it is devastating to take them out half way through , in dd1's yr of 28 3 are leaving at easter

Probably shouldn't be posting on here as mine are older and don't go to private schools.

I agree with LilianGish.

If money is so tight that you would worry about the cost of the uniform and lunches.....the basics, then do have a re-think. Savings soon disappear.
What if your car breaks down, boiler needs replacing etc. Living hand-to-mouth is no fun especially with children. I've done it for short period when DH was out of work.

I know nothing about London schools but I struggle to believe that all your state options are so poor that you couldn't consider them.
School is very important, but what happens out of school matters more in the primary years. If you are worried that your DS will fall behind in some way then as you say you could do the extra yourself. In the past my local primary didn't provide french lessons so I paid for them to have lessons after school. It was the same with music. There was no specialist music teacher so we played recorder together at home until they were older. In junior years school arranged for peripatetic(?sp) teachers to come in.

Hope your DH finds work soon.

I agree with notagranny that living hand to mouth is no fun whatsoever. I have a few friends who are really struggling with school fees at the moment, and tbh I can't see why they are putting themselves through so much pressure. It's not just the scrimping - some of them have borrowed hugely (though this will become far more difficult now)and I honestly think some of them are burying their heads in the sand about how they will ever pay the money back. I don't see what you gain by doing that, and then possibly being totally destitute by the time your kids are at University and you have no option but to fork out or watch them get massively into debt!

On the other hand I don't live in London, so it's difficult to know how bad things are. Is there any chance of at least planning to move in the coming years? Where I live the state schools rival the privates in terms of results and ethos. I would really recommend looking for another solution rather than struggling and worrying for the next 13 years!

Mummydoc - you say "private schooling from recep onwards i feel is a luxury for those among us who can write a cheque without thinking about it." I can see what you're getting at, but I'd still have to disagree. We certainly notice the cheques - we are hit very hard at the start of each term. However, so long as we can afford it by not having and doing other things, we shall take a deep breath and take the hit. For us, it isn't a luxury: it's a necessity.

Private schooling for the early years is the most important by far. Many parents underestimate this and find catching up impossible. It is the grounding they get in these years that can give them the ability for the 11+ bursary or scholarship or a good grammar. I would definately struggle on. You may be able to get a discount at the school you have applied for.

Mummydoc - I really disagree with that too. Nobody has a right to decide what is appropriate for other people to spend their money on - and it does come down to priorities. I do agree that privately educating more than one child is very expensive though and considerably more difficult.

I have chatted with some of the mums at my dd's school where there is a general view that if you are going to pay, investing infant / junior school is the best time as they are still so young and by 11, are more likely to be able to get a scholarship or entrance to a grammar school.