Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

What you ring the other parent to apologise?

26 replies

compo · 18/03/2009 16:20

Ds (reception) hit another child in school today and made his nose bleed.
Obviously ds has had a good talking to.
Should I ring the other mum to apologise?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Dior · 18/03/2009 16:21

You could, if you have the number. If not, speak to her at school?

WowOoo · 18/03/2009 16:24

Yes, it would make me feel better that you were nice and that you and school are dealing with it.
Don't stress about it too much. Ds made my nose bleed the other day, mostly by silly accident.

Original poster

compo · 18/03/2009 16:25

I won't see her at school until Monday because of work the next 2 days
I feel awful about it tbh
I am shocked that he did it

OP posts:

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 18/03/2009 16:27

I would let things be.

Most parents (I hope) accept that a certain amount of pushing, shoving and hitting is part of life in Year R and trust the school to deal with it and other parents to reinforce the message at home. When my child was on the receiving end in Year R I didn't expect an apology from the other child's parents - I just wanted to know that the school had a behaviour policy and was enforcing it.

Haribosmummy · 18/03/2009 16:28

Yes, I think it would be a nice gesture and I'd think it was nice that you were taking it seriously, even though (in reception) it probably wasn't malicious at al.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 18/03/2009 16:30

Oh. I hadn't seen the other posts. I'm clearly out of step!

WowOoo · 18/03/2009 16:30

MadBAd, you're right. But I would still want to speak to her to ask was he ok, it's not a normal thing, we had words etc

Original poster

compo · 18/03/2009 16:33

it definitely wasn't an accident, he punched him in the face because he told ds he didn't want to be friends any more it's not like him, his teacher said it was out of character, I've had words with him and he is sorry and upset but I still feel a bit ed that my PFB did this!

OP posts:

Haribosmummy · 18/03/2009 16:36

But, compo, there is a difference between doing something deliberately and intentionally hurting someone at that age.

My DS (9 MOnths) pulls kids hair. He def. does it deliberately but doesn't MEAN to hurt them IYSWIM

But, in any case, I think it would be nice to make contact with the mum sooner rather than later.

Grammaticus · 18/03/2009 16:39

Haribo, a reception child knows that hitting will hurt. (I know you know that, compo, and aren't trying to minimise it).

Compo - I think it's a judgement call whether you ring or apologise on Monday, doesn't really matter either way. Depends how well you know the other mum, how you have the number, whether you like the phone...

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 18/03/2009 16:39

I understand that, WoWOoo.

I think my reservation is really that if you have a playground culture where parents feel they have to apologise for their child's behaviour - and I can see that nice, polite, reasonable parents would feel that they should apologise - the flipside is that parents also feel they can protest to other parents about their child's behaviour. This recently became an issue in the school where I'm a governor, where parents were having shouting matches in the playground about 'your dc has hit mine' 'no, yours hit mine first and mine only hit back in self-defence' etc. The school reminded all parents of the behaviour policy and asked parents to report all incidents to them, so that they could deal with them.

So perhaps I'm worrying too much about things which might never happen, but my concern is about the potential for slanging matches in the playground. All credit to the OP, though, for clearly wanting to do the right thing.

Haribosmummy · 18/03/2009 16:43

Oh, sorry, Grammaticus, I didnt think they would at that age...

WowOoo · 18/03/2009 16:45

MadBAd...I know exactly what you mean. Makes you wonder who's the grown up, who's the child?!!

Fimbo · 18/03/2009 16:50

My ds pushed another little boy over in nursery (both boys were 4), they were in a line of boys all playing a game of playful pushing - unfortunately the boy my ds pushed fell into a bookcase and bumped his face quite badly (the teacher said had he fallen the other way he wouldn't have had a mark on him). My ds didn't really understand he had done anything wrong as they were all pushing and shoving whilst playing. Ds of course was talked to by the nursery teachers and us at home.

I apologised to the father that evening (there was a new reception meeting!) and the mother in the morning. The mother was all "oh its ok don't worry x is fine, come round and play."

So we played and everything was fine or so I thought, it later transpired that the mother was mouthing my ds off to anyone who would listen and then invited the whole nursery class to a party and left my ds out. (Apparently the nursery were so shocked over this they had words with the woman as they had been given the invitations to hand out and were looking for one for my ds).

Sorry that turned into a bit of an essay.

Anyway what I wanted to say, is I know how you feel.

OrmIrian · 18/03/2009 16:53

I would if I had the number. Better than letting it fester and have her call you names at home and feel resentful. Because sadly that is what might happen

Original poster

compo · 18/03/2009 16:53

thanks Fimbo
if he had pushed him I don't think Id feel so bad, they are friends usually and i know they do play fighting games in the playground all the time, but to actually punch him to kake his nose bleed, and get sent to the headteachers office at the age of 4 (he is 5 in 2 weeks) has really ed me!

OP posts:

cornsilk · 18/03/2009 16:55

I agree with madbad. Maybe get ds to make a card for him to hand over tomorrow?

Original poster

compo · 18/03/2009 16:56

thanks
a card is a good idea as well

OP posts:

izyboy · 18/03/2009 17:02

Hi you might have read my thread yesterday re aggressive incident. Today my DH explained to the little boy's mum that we take aggressive incidents seriously and have reprimanded DS and DS did a sorry card.

If I'd had mum's number I would have rung her to explain the above. The two boys are normally mates and seem to be mates still. DS normally doesn't lash out either-but other MNers explained that it is not unusual behaviour for 4 year old boys...still it made be feel awful aswell.

Original poster

compo · 18/03/2009 19:28

dh is ringing now, I chickened out!

OP posts:

izyboy · 18/03/2009 19:37

I know it's a bit cringeworthy isnt it.

southeastastra · 18/03/2009 19:39

i wouldn't, if it was dealt with at school, should be left there.

imaginaryfriend · 18/03/2009 20:58

Are you friendly with the other mum in general? If so I would definitely phone and chat about it. I also think it's important your ds apologises / makes a card etc.

Even though YR kids know hitting is wrong, they do get very het up and act without thinking. I wouldn't be too hard on him, especially if he's genuinely sorry.

MollieO · 19/03/2009 08:53

I'm surprised that the school would tell you the identity of the other child involved. At ds's school they don't. I ask him why he has bruises/plasters etc (came home with a big one on his knee yesterday) and he tells me but the school never mention it.

katiestar · 19/03/2009 09:15

I would ring to enquire how the other child was, but I think it would be a bit weird for YOU to apologise.
You didn't do it and it didn't happen on your watch.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread