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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Parties every weekend, what do you do? Yr1

38 replies

JaneSeymour · 12/03/2009 18:06

Getting a bit fed up, as ds is struggling with tiredness all the time, comes out of school in tears every day, being v unreasonable and stroppy all evening.

We've started to get party invitations almost every single weekend. I know it's good for them to socialise and if it was instead of a school day, it would be fine.

However it's not, and he can't miss school - so he only gets one day to recover, and is stroppy all of saturday night as well as all week

What would you do, what DO you do...it just seems excessive to me. I realise some kids go to school on a Saturday anyway, but he is just so awful at the moment, I think he needs more down time.

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JLo2 · 12/03/2009 18:30

Sounds like you are right to want some relaxation for him. Can you not turn down some of the invites? Presumably by now he is starting to be a bit clearer about who his 'friends' are. Could he just not go to the most important ones?

katiestar · 12/03/2009 19:01

I get totally fed up with parties too especially with 4 children it used to get really out of hand because we never had a day free at weekends not to mention the cost - even a modest present card and gift wrap costs at least £10.
Now we turn down thoose where we have just been invited because they want a present to make up the numbers
I remenber on one occasion 2 families clubbed together to hire the pool between them which would have cost £80 in total ,invited 40 people all of whom bought each child a present and only provided crisps to eat (DS who had been invited wasn't even sure who they were !)
To cap it all they arranged it to clash with the school harvest festival which given there are only about 60 children in the school, was really direspectful to the staff who had spent so much time preparing for it.

Original poster

JaneSeymour · 12/03/2009 19:01

Thanks, I'm not entirely sure how much protocol is involved - we're newish to the school and everyone knows each other, I don't know which ones to go to and which to decline.

He's been to two boys' ones whose mums have been friendly with me - the next one is a girl whose parents I don't know.

There are 30 kids in the class, they all seem to hire a hall and invite the entire class - no way we can afford to do that, so I'm also worried about reciprocating. He is keen to have his own party in a few months.

We could poss have about 5 or maybe 10 here, we've a big garden. But I don't have anyone to help, and he can't decide who he wants to come. arghhh

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Original poster

JaneSeymour · 12/03/2009 19:02

Katiestar that sounds sensible but unfortunately I don't know how to distinguish! He seems friendly with everyone. That's thirty parties a year, doesn't leave many weekends free!

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Podrick · 12/03/2009 19:06

Go on alternate weekends, or even one in 3, that is enough!

Original poster

JaneSeymour · 12/03/2009 19:11

Do you reckon Pod?

I don't want to offend anyone! Not yet!

Presents is Ok, I have a box of stuff suitable for pressies. I keep things people give the boys that I know they won't play with, and I buy other things in the sales so have a stash!

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Constantlycooking · 13/03/2009 09:47

Sounds tricky if you want to look friendly. you could try apologising for not being able to go to the party and sending a small gift anyway to show you are not snubbing them and then organise a few playdates in the hols when DS is less tired. To be honest if you are inviting the whole class you don't notice too much who declines and as long as you go to some you won't be seen as stand-offish i hope!. When the DCs were primary age and the whole class parties were the norm, some children did just have smaller parties for a few friends and nobody really commented (the parents were probably pleased to have a party-free weekend).

ZoeC · 13/03/2009 09:49

The good news is I found year one to be the worst, so far year two has been MUCH better.

mloo · 13/03/2009 09:52

I would turn some down on grounds of fatigue.
The party child parents will be pleased because party guests cost money each.
I am though, my dc only get invited to 2-3 parties/year (big school, too).

Original poster

JaneSeymour · 13/03/2009 11:08

Thanks, I think I'll have to do it based on who he is most friendly with and how tired he seems. This oneis v short notice anyway so easy to get out of I think.

I hope it does ease off in yr 2!
It's a tiny school and all the parents very socially mobile and aspiring and so on, mostly well off as well.

It just seems when the whole class is there, like an extension of school with more playing really!

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Podrick · 13/03/2009 11:25

I don't think anyone is offended when a kid refuses a party invitation, after all there are other social occaisions at the weekends which often clash.

I know what you mean about whole class parties being like school...personally I think smaller parties are better . I found staying at the parties was a good way to make friends with the other mums but I wouldn't have wanted to go to one each week! For us the birthdays are in definite clusters so we can go lots of weeks without one and then there are 3 in a month!

Whole class parties are not common after Reception and Y1 in my experience.

PrimulaVeris · 13/03/2009 11:33

I'd turn some down

It eases off a lot in Y2. In juniors my dc's get invited to an average of about 5 or 6 during entire year (last year, only 3 in fact)

Smithagain · 13/03/2009 11:33

Just space them out. Decline every second one, unless he genuinely is friends with the birthday child. Or decline the ones that are "the whole class just to show off how rich we are"

And yes, we have noticed a significant decline in Yr2 as well, so hopefully the end is in sight!

Original poster

JaneSeymour · 13/03/2009 12:12

This is reassuring, I wasn't sure if it was just me being an old meanie

I think it being such an 'intimate' school, it's almost like nobody wants to exclude any children from the class...all the mums know each other, well mostly.

I kind of know about 4 of them reasonably well, ie to chat with now. So I don't feel totally obliged.
It's a mums' night out tonight and they know I can't go to that as I don't have a partner to stay in, so I think it lets me off the hook a bit...the whole set up seems more about the parents getting on than the children iyswim.

Mind you I know a few people who met their husbands in the playground there, so it might have its benefits!!!

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melisssa · 13/03/2009 12:36

It does ease off. I have found that as ds is getting older there arent as many big parties. The kids seem to go for smaller gatherings such as football parties, zoo ect . . The big hall parties dont appeal as much. So you are less likely to get so many invites.

nametaken · 13/03/2009 20:05

Are you sure it's the parties that are tiring him out? If he went to a party on Saturday and was tired on Sunday I'd understand, but you say your ds is tired all week? Could there be another cause?

piscesmoon · 13/03/2009 22:40

I would just let him go to the parties of the DCs he likes best. I don't know why people go for huge parties!

MollieO · 13/03/2009 22:46

If he is tired 'all evening' maybe he needs more sleep? I can cope with very little sleep during the week so long as I get a lie in one day at the weekend. My ds doesn't understand the concept of a lie in so if he goes without sleep he can't then have one big sleep to catch up.

I think it would be a shame to limit his weekend fun when it sounds as if the real issue might be weekday related.

Original poster

JaneSeymour · 14/03/2009 06:55

Yes I didn't mean the parties made him tired all week. I think school does. It's just that if he has a rest on saturday instead of a party, he might be nicer on sunday before it all starts over again! As it is there's no 'down time' iyswim.

He goes to bed at 8 which is later than I would like, but Dr Who repeats are on at 7 and it's the one thing he really looks forward to, so I'd feel cruel making him miss it. He is usually ready for bed before that starts though.

Perhaps we ought to skip the telly and see if he is better going to bed early.

Actually he has recently started to sleep in his own bed, which does cause a bit of restlessness - he will often wake in the early hours and come into my bed, which isn't ideal. In fact I think this rather than the 8pm thing is probably to blame.

If he felt less tired in the week I wouldn't object to the parties at all. I just want to spend some time with a less exhausted little boy really. I suppose it will get better as he gets used to his own room.

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Original poster

JaneSeymour · 14/03/2009 07:05

Thanks btw

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compo · 14/03/2009 07:13

can't you video Dr Who so he can eatch it at 6pm and go to bed at 7pm?

Podrick · 14/03/2009 08:46

TV before bed doesn't make for a good night's sleep imo, it is good to have a wind down period.

I would aim for doing something physically active after school each night for at least half an hour and preferably more (eg playing with mum in the garden/ at the park), 1 hr absolute maximum of TV programmes to end before 6pm (you could get Dr Who on DVD to avoid watching it too late), bathtime, story and bed at 7.30pm.

Rough and tumble games with a parent are very relaxing and bonding experiences for boys. This is also the time when you will probably find out if anything upset him during the day - it will come out naturally in a play session, but it won't by asking him directly!

Does he eat a good diet?

MollieO · 14/03/2009 11:01

I think 8pm is quite late for his age and also I assume the Dr Who programme finishes about 8pm too so he is probably going to bed quite wound up (my reception aged ds seems quite excitable after he has watched Dr Who!). Sounds like a good idea to record or watch Dr Who dvd at an earlier time instead.

If he is anything like my ds he won't be interested in catching up on his rest at the weekend no matter how tired he is. I've found that since ds started school last Sept he now needs at least 10-11 hours sleep when previously he was fine on 8 or 9 (and up at 5am every morning as a result!). If he doesn't get that he is just tired, he has no interest in having a nap to catch up unfortunately.

From what I can gather the large class parties seem to stop by year 2 so hopefully there won't be so many invites to contend with next year

Original poster

JaneSeymour · 14/03/2009 11:52

Thankyou, I think the consensus is he needs more sleep. I will try and get Dr Who on DVD, we haven't a video as it got broken (someone put Bakugan cards under it, and it went funny )

Pod what do you mean by rough and tumble? He generally runs round the coffee table about 200 times with his little brother, seems like a kind of ritual...I'm not sure what I can do with him though. Any ideas?

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motherinferior · 14/03/2009 11:56

Oh, don't bin the parties!Parties are fun! If he's tired and grumpy, I'm sure it isn't the parties' fault. My Y1 has been very tired and grumpy, and I've had to do lots of working out earlier bed-times. But don't keep him off parties if he wants to go to them!

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