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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DS made his teacher cry.

39 replies

LynetteScavo · 27/02/2009 17:15

I have apologised to her.

Should I send her some flowers?

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diedandgonetodevon · 27/02/2009 17:16

I think it depends what he did. If it was pretty bad some flowers might be a nice idea, otherwise an apology should suffice.

cornsilk · 27/02/2009 17:16

Maybe. What happened? Is this the school refuser ds?

Flightattendant27 · 27/02/2009 17:18

What happened LS?

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 27/02/2009 17:27

Yes - the same DS cornsilk.

Longstory, but DS became very angry - ran out of school, kicked the building. Luckily he didn't hurt anyone, though.

OP posts:

pointydog · 27/02/2009 17:36

flowers would be absolutely lovely. I don't suppose there's any way your ds could say something or make a little note, is there?

stroppyknickers · 27/02/2009 17:37

Why did she cry? Is she a bit weedy?

missmapp · 27/02/2009 17:39

I have a child with similar issues in my class and simply knowing the parents were in full support and understanding would be enough for me! It does come with the territory and simply knowing you are both working to help your ds should be enough! Would be for me anyway!

cornsilk · 27/02/2009 17:51

You must be feeling a bit down about it as well Lynette. Flowers would be nice. Hope your ds is okay as well.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 27/02/2009 18:06

pointydog - DS is not at all sorry. His attitude is that she shouldn't have been horrid to him. (She wasn't being horrid, it was a misunderstanding, but becuase he's had teachers be horrid to him in the past he over reacted)

If you don't think flowers are too much I will send some - due to work I'm busy on Monday - DH will drop off and I know won't do flowers, so they'll have to be interflora or simialar.

This is not the first teacher he's had this affect on. She isn't weedy.

OP posts:

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 27/02/2009 18:09

I'm only a bit down, cornsilk It's ages since DS had a tantrum at school, and the school are looking at as a "blip".

OP posts:

melissa75 · 27/02/2009 18:31

I have had a child in my class, Y2 who brought me to tears, after 10 months of continous problems, and I was a NQT with no support from management. In saying this, I think I would have felt better knowing that the parents and management were supportive of how I was dealing with the situation. I think flowers would be a lovely gesture, though not neccessary.

bloss · 27/02/2009 18:51

Message withdrawn

lou031205 · 27/02/2009 18:59

I personally don't. It makes it all a bit personal between you and the teacher, when actually your son needs to do something to rectify his actions.

I think a little note from your DS would be much more effective, and keep things on a teacher/pupil level. This isn't about you smoothing the waters, or feeling bad for your son's behaviour. Your son needs to recognise the impact of his behaviour and do something to make amends.

You sending flowers might give the message to your son that you can make all his mistakes go away.

VanillaPumpkin · 27/02/2009 18:59

Yes to flowers esp delivered. Extra special and visable imo. (Might make her cry agin though....)
Hope you are all OK.

paolosgirl · 27/02/2009 19:21

I'm ith Lou. Flowers are not easy to hide, esp. if the Interflora van pulls up outside. The teacher would then have to explain them - and she may even be thought of as unprofessional for crying by colleagues. I'm not saying she was, but you don't know what the relations are like between the various staff members behind closed doors.

I'd be tempted to make an appointment to go and see her and reiterate your support for her and the school, and definitely get your DS involved. He's got to be made to see that there are consequences involved for his actions.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 27/02/2009 20:58

Cosequenses for his actions.

He had an afternoon off school

It has been sugested by the school he takes monday off if he so feels like.

His agresive behaviour in the past has reuslted in exclusion (which to him meant time at home with mum - the perfect result for a school refuser).

I so didn't want this to get into a discusion on the rights and wrongs of DS's behaviour.

He strugles with school. School think he may be AS- I agree, DH doesn't psychologists think so, then don't diagnose.

DS is not sorry - is hardly ever sorry for anything, unless it is a genuine accident. He would rather eat dog poo than write a letter saying he is sorry when he isn't. He is quite glad his teacher became upset - he feels he managed to get through to her that her that she can not force him to do what he deosn't want to do.

We have done anger management - we have changed school, and now have a fantastic school,with a fabulous class teacher and lots of support staff in the class room.

I was very good friends with his teacher last year, and I don't think a good relationship between mother and teacher is a bad thing - with a child like this it can only make them feel more secure, surely? -And it's nice to have a hug from the class teacher stright after she tells you he is being excluded.

Flowers or not? Simple question.

I can't bloody aford them really - but I want to send her some so I will. She works extremly hard doing a wonderful job with a particularly difucult class. She's beeen pushed to the limit this week.

Now - what shall I put on the card?

OP posts:

ravenAK · 27/02/2009 21:05

I would go for 'Thank you so much help for your support with ds - we really appreciate how hard you've been working with him' rather than 'Sorry ds made you cry', iyswim.

Then if colleagues see them it's you giving her a vote of confidence rather than her looking a weed!

I think it's a lovely idea & she obviously deserves it!

bigTillyMint · 27/02/2009 21:06

I think a really heartfelt message in a card would be perfect - as some of the others have said, she might find flowers embarassing as she would have to explain, etc.
But a note explaining how you feel about her (as you say above) and that you are right behind her and the school would be much more personal and private.

MmeLindt · 27/02/2009 21:09

Raven idea was good, thank her for her help and understanding rather than apologise for making her cry.

You might make her cry again though, I know I would. But good tears.

paolosgirl · 27/02/2009 21:12

I'm really sorry you're having this awful time with your DS. My friend has been going through the exact same with her DS who's just turned 14. He was expelled from our local high school for all sorts of behaviour, sent to another school, refused to go, caused trouble there, and then turned up to his original school with a knife to use on another boy. Fortunately the school were able to intervene, the police were called and he was arrested. The outcome, sadly, is that he is now in a residential school at their request - he was causing havoc within the family and needed more support than mainstream school could give him, and certainly wasn't sorry for his actions. I haven't seen her in a while - I hope things are going better for them.

In response to your question about flowers - as I said, I wouldn't. Keep it on a professional, slightly distant footing - but that's only my opinion. If you were to send them, how about something like "thank you for all your work with X, and for your support and kindness - it means more than you will ever know"

Mung · 27/02/2009 21:14

Lovely idea. I agree with raven about the message thanking her (and the school?) for her support.

Racingsnake · 27/02/2009 21:17

Definitely flowers, but they don't have to be expensive. What about a bowl of hyacinths or daffodils? Less than £5. On the card you could put something to the effect of how much you appreciate the efforts she is making to help ds. Obviously it would be better if ds could see what he was doing, but she will appreciate knowing that you support her.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 27/02/2009 21:35

Bloodyhell, Paolosgirl I hardly think that's exactly the same thing atall!

I'm really not having an awful time with him. He is really quite delightful the majority of the time.

ravenAk - I think I'll write what you have sugested.

OP posts:

paolosgirl · 27/02/2009 22:10

I've obviously misunderstood your post - your description of anger, aggressive behaviour, not caring that he'd upset the teacher and being happy to be out of school sounds exactly what my friends DS exhibited.

MollieO · 27/02/2009 22:11

I wouldn't send flowers as it sets a precedent and is quite a big gesture. From what you say this probably won't be the last time your ds upsets his teacher so what do you do if it happened again? I think a note along the lines that Raven has suggested is perfect. It shows the teacher that you appreciate what efforts she is making with your ds and (I'm not a teacher) isn't parental support the one thing that all teachers wish for?

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