DS made his teacher cry.

[LynetteScavo]

I have apologised to her.

Should I send her some flowers?

I wouldn't send flowers either, I would make him buy chocolates for her out of his own money if his behaviour was unacceptable. It does need to be something that makes him think twice next time. If you send in something then he'll not see the cause/effect as being down to him.
Alot of boys have problems with empathy, it's not specific to boys with aspergers, many can't see how their behaviour affects others until their teens. A lovely mnter recommended a book for my ds, it's called the unwritten rules of friendship and it does help children understand how their behaviour affects others in the capacity of friendships, it may help your son although you may need to adapt it and use the role play to fit your son's problems.

I think it's a lovely thoughtful gesture but on balance no, I wouldn't send flowers for the reason MollieO gave and, because every time I'd looked at them, it would remind me of my upset over a pupil. It would also tell me how bad/guilty you felt which would make me . A note of appreciation from you - if dc is not minded to write one - or a lovely present at the end of the year thanking her for all her hard work for ds, not just this one instance, would be more apt imo.

I asked him if he wanted to go to school on Monday, and he said yes. (I must start thinking of him as an ex -school refuser!!!)

I really hope this is the last time he upsets his teacher - he's been reasonable with her so far. She's admited with himdsight she didn't handle the situation as well as she might - but she has done a fantastic job since September and everyone makes mistakes.

He was mistreated by a teacher 3 years ago and he told me he was worried the same thing was going to happen again today . I'm going to ask the head to talk to him and reasure him that the same thing would never happen in the school he is in now.

Has he had some counselling or play therapy for this?

Ds has also been mistreated by a nursery worker, he doesn't trust teachers either. If the head knows then they should be able to have something in place for when there's a problem so they all know what to do IYKWIM. It's not easy is it!

Sounds positive that he wants to go in on Monday, LS. I would definitely send a card or note, I think, but probably not flowers.

But it does sound as if some gesture should cone from ds - if only to reinforce the lesson that, even if you're in the right you have no right to treat other people badly. Could he write a note saying that he'll try hard not to lose his temper again and he'll try to do his best in her class from now on - or something like that?

Agree that flowers to the teacher might be a bit over the top, but how about flowers for the staff room with a note saying how much you appreciate what the school is doing for your ds? That way, his teacher will get the message but it won't be so focussed in on her? And the whole staff will get a boost too?

Lynettescarvo, I am sorry you felt I was turning the discussion. I was just giving my reason why not to send flowers, that they are a gesture from you, not your DS. Regardless of his feelings, or genuine remorse, he would benefit from writing a small apology for his actions. Nothing necessarily that implies he is sorry as such, but at least a note that says he knows his actions were unacceptable.

However, if you want to keep it as simple as 'flowers or not': Not.

DS has reluctantly agreed to write a note card to her sayaing he will try not to loose his temper in school again.

Normally he wold point blank refuse to do somthing like this, so I'm taking it as a sign that he really likes her.

That's terrific I think definitely no to the flowers now. Let his card speak volumes!

I wouldn't send flowers. It needs to be kept professional and your son needs to be given support to make school easier for him. You therefore need to be able to discuss things professionally with the school and flowers will muddy the water.

Maybe flowers at the end of the year/term/easter as a thank you for all your hard work, but not in response to a specific incident which resulted in your son running out of school.

oh cross posted. Sounds a much better idea.

Wow- good on your boy, Lynette.

Well, as a teacher, it's her job to deal with all sorts but, as she's human, it all clearly got too much for her in this instance. I agree with Mrs Turnip. Just send something a bit extra at the end of term (just in case there are any more incidnets! )
But I must say, as a teacher, it's enough to know that parents are supportive/apologetic about their kids' foibles.

It's brilliant he's agreed to do a card. Sounds like a massive breakthrough and all you need.
But if you do flowers, all it takes is a bunch of daffodils that he gives her with the card. It would only cost you a quid and it won't be an ott gesture, just a nice small one.