Parents with children in private schools - tell be honestly - (namechange if necessary!) - do you wonder if you should have 'gone state' after all?

[whippet]

Because 18 months into private education I do .

The school is excellent. Mostly the children are lovely. Results superb. My children seem happy and are doing well...

BUT

I can just never quite convince myself that I can really see the £3K a term's worth of value over and above our local state school.

Although DH & I agreed together to move the kids into this school, he was much more keen that I was (he went to private, I went to state...).
And of course I now look at the £18K a year going out and think what else that money could be used for...

I can't imagine changing the DSs school again though, and we definitely want to go private for secondary, as the state schools at that level are abysmal.

I just wonder if many people are feeling the same right now, but are too proud to admit it?

Ds started off in a state school, he's always been very bright and quite quickly he became anxious and was having problems settling in. He was very bored and wasn't behaving very well so I moved him to a private school because the head had alot of experience with G&T children, which is what he needed. She lest last year and a tosspot took over so I moved him, the head didn't have a clue. The school he's at now is a Grammar which takes boys at 7 through to 18 so he wouldn't have to move again. The state school with places is the one we were offered but I turned down the place for another one as they were willing to take him in September, not January as he's an April child. This was a big mistake on my part, he was ready for the academic side of school but not for the rest of it.

Just wondering (and not in a horrible way). What are peoples opinions:

Is it going to a private school that ensures a better education or is it that parents who are able to pay thousands per year also pay for Kumon, and a wide range of extra curricular clubs, providing their children with a much broader experience.

I don't think all private schools are good ones, some are really ood at selling themselves then don't deliver. In hindesight, at the moment I should have stuck with the state system for primary and given him a much broader experience. Their childhood is precious, too precious for them to be alone over the holidays or have 2 hours of homework each night. This is no childhood.

Nope, no worries on that score. Much much much better environment in independent schools at primary level. The gulf is huge.

I have been flirting with the idea of sending DD to a state grammar for secondary school. She is in year 6 and we have around a month to decide finally. The state grammar has okay academics but really not that much on the sporting/musical/theatrical side. So we'll almost certainly go independent all the way.

My ds will do some extra curricular activities when he is older (we've stopped at present as he now does at school what he was doing for e.c activities) but those would be things like joining the local rugby and cricket teams rather than Kumon stuff. I'd hope he'd be well taught at school and not need that. He is 4 so I probably have a lot to learn!

I chose an indie school for DCs because it was the closest and because it places a huge emphasis on sports/music/drama/art etc. It also has acres of green space.
Our local state primary is dreadful ( I volunteer there so see it from the ground . The fileds were sold off so the kids have only one shared playground. The classes are huge and badly managed. They are short of TAs. It is not fair for those children who attend, so not fair.
The other alternative would have been a long drive in terrible traffic each morning for the very reasonable primary in the nearest town. The facilities don't match our school ( no specialist teaching, no art room, no proper competitive sports etc) but I have friends who send their kids there and all are very happy.
If money were tight I'm sure I'd swallow the journey...a lot do.
I am very, very grateful to be able to make the choice I have.

I am a teacher at an Independent Junior school, but have also taught at several state primaries too. It's impossible to make sweeping statements: schools vary so much and obviously suitability depends entirely on the child. I have to say that, from what I've seen, the fees at my current school are worth every penny when compared to their state equivalents in the area.
That said, the biggest shock to me since moving to a private school is the ease at which parents move their kids from school to school. There seems to be no realisation that moving schools is totally unsettling and that it usually takes at least a term (sometimes longer) before the children are truly settled and therefore learning successfully. Whatever decision you make, I would strongly suggest waiting until the end of a phase (i.e. at 7, 11 or 13 depending on school) to minise upheaval.

My ds's school goes from 3 to 18 and quite a few parents have no intention of moving their dcs. If he is bright enough I'll move my ds at 11 to grammar or selective independent. If not then he will go to the senior school of his current prep.

For me its a no brainer, we waited and moved DS1 when he was in year 3, partly because of finances but also because we thought "how different can it be in infants". DS1 is bright and managed ok, however alarm bells started to ring when they said his handwriting would "sort itself out".
DS2 has a slight speech delay and we took the decision to move him when they told us that R and Yr1 would be taught together (very small village state school). He has now been in pre prep for a term (started oct 08) and has thrived beyond all comparrison.
For us it is a full package, we are extremely happier with our new school.
The fees we pay are £4200 for DS1 and £2600 for DS2.
We struggle to find these and save for DD but I will eat beans all week if it means she can go in reception.
It is sad that in our area the difference is so startling. I was state educated (am now a lawyer) and never really wanted to go private, however I am now fully converted.
Not sure if this has answered your question and have waffled on far too long!

I'm not sure really. DS went to a private pre-school that was attached to a private primary school and was very happy there, so we didn't bother applying to the state primaries. However once he moved into reception he was really unhappy so we took him out after 6 weeks, by which time there were no places in any of the local primary schools. We would have sent him to our local church school (DH and DS go to the church) if there had been a place I think. He probably wouldn't have learned very quickly as he is easily distracted and the classes are big, but at least he would have fitted in socially.

In the end we sent him to another private school which is just right for him. The other children are mostly quite similar to him (high-energy boys), the school is tiny and the teachers are very enthusiastic and plan the day to allow for lots of movement. It's actually pretty cheap (£1,500 a term) and I think it's good value for how much DS's happiness and ability to learn has improved. But there isn't really a financial trade-off for us fortunately, we're not sacrificing anything to pay fees. For me the trade-off is that I wanted him to go somewhere local so he could have a short journey to school and lots of local friends, but now he has to commute and his school friends are quite scattered geographically.

No I don't wonder.

I have taught in state schools, so know what they can be like.

We work hard to have our children in private schools and don't begrudge them.

We put our ds1 in private ed as at the time our catchment school was in special measures and we thought we would only have one child. 5 years and 2 more sons later we are having to take ds1 away from private ed to put him in the local state school.
Reasons are
1 we cant afford to educate all our children privately (although my dad has offered)

2 I have really become disillusioned with the school, I am no longer convinced that private is the better option.

3I'm fed up of the one-upmanship in the private sector and have come to feel that as we are not wealthy people (although we could afford to school ds there, just not much else) we are doing more harm than good as ds was beginning to expect all the extras that he saw his friends getting, but that we could not afford (the best example was a maserati and scuba diving in the maldives)

So he will go from being in a class of 12 (the best thing about the school) to being in a class of 32-but we will be able to afford to go on holiday and perhaps have a tutor!!!

Why is money the cornerstone to everything eh?

Same here iMum. They don't seem to appreciate the parents that work all hours and go without to send their child there. Not everyone has the cash to spare.

Haven't experienced that at my ds's school. In fact it is easier than when he was at nursery when I was the only full time working mum there. Was always made to feel guilty. Now his school is really geared up to working parents and I've yet to meet a wealthy-snobbery element there, which is nice. Some do go on exotic holidays but not all and I think that is the same in the state schools too.

Must say there are a real mix of parents at ds's school in terms of wealth.

However i think if you are the type of person who can get a bit resentful/green-eyed at seeing what others have then private education can make that worse. I'm not saying thats the case of any posters here but i see it all the time in some of my friends.

They start looking at houses that are way beyond their budgets etc because thats where so and so lives.

I'm currently pregnant with dc3 which is a total surprise and i do worry about the school fees a lot. Two would have been fine but three is going to be a stretch.

I will definitely be going back to work though to fund their education.

I didn't think about the type of other children at the school. I have just taken ds to the park and overheard him call himself (aparantly) 'looser', he shouted out 'wee' and 'poo', I was appauled (sp?) this is behaviour he's picked up from the other boys at school (private!). If he's mixing with other boys with this attitude I'm wasting my money! Ds doesn't hear things like this at home so he only knows that he shouldn't say things like this once he's told off for it. I've spent years helping him with his social skills as this has never been his strong point. I'm so disappointed. He's never had an attitude like this. I want to SCREAM!!!

I suppose if their parents can pay it doesn't matter what attitude they have. I don't want him to pick up all of this!

I think saying 'loser', 'wee' and 'poo' is completely normal-whichever school they go to. It's just what little boys say...unless of course he's 18...

He's 9 and grew out of the 'wee' 'poo' 4 years ago. I've never heard him say 'loser'. I feel as if he's regressed!

whippet ..is it a case of the grass is always greener?

I teach in a private school and my children go there...why because of the sports, music, language, resources etc etc.

scrooged - that is life. I susepct he'd pick it up where ever he went. You can't control what children say all the time or what they hear at home and from their peers.

True. I can see why the teacher thinks he's immature though, I've never seen this side of him before. He didn't do this in his old school.

god they say 'loser' on cbbc all the time - its unavoidable...does annoy me though.

Really! I hate this sort of talk. I want ds to be respectful towards the feelings of others, I don't think this helps him though. Shocked at the BBC though!

He's a boy, that's what they do regardless of where they are educated ime . They are all entitled to have silly moments, aren't they?

Yes, his silly moments have one on since he was 2 weeks old (he was a bit advanced, he was laughing at 2 weeks). He's 9 now. When will they pass?