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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Parents with children in private schools - tell be honestly - (namechange if necessary!) - do you wonder if you should have 'gone state' after all?

87 replies

whippet · 07/01/2009 13:41

Because 18 months into private education I do .

The school is excellent. Mostly the children are lovely. Results superb. My children seem happy and are doing well...

BUT

I can just never quite convince myself that I can really see the £3K a term's worth of value over and above our local state school.

Although DH & I agreed together to move the kids into this school, he was much more keen that I was (he went to private, I went to state...).
And of course I now look at the £18K a year going out and think what else that money could be used for...

I can't imagine changing the DSs school again though, and we definitely want to go private for secondary, as the state schools at that level are abysmal.

I just wonder if many people are feeling the same right now, but are too proud to admit it?

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Pawslikepaddington · 16/02/2009 18:26

Same for me Charitygirl, and am at Cambridge now (went a little later than most ).

I told myself I would not get sucked into pushy parenting, how little did I know . But they make you feel SO small!

dinny · 16/02/2009 18:28

I think , as LIZS says, the crux of it is secondary education

we've always thought we'd send ours to independent secondary school, but I just don't think dd would stand a chance with 11+ if she stays at our state primary

she's by no means top of her class and kind of gets swallowed in a class of 30, which is why we are planning to move her in time for start of prep

also, the facilities are amazing - just can't WAIT to see her face when she sees the art room etc

charitygirl · 16/02/2009 18:40

LOL Paddington - they do sound awful!

giantkatestacks · 16/02/2009 18:51

charitygirl - the point of prep at primary is to get them into grammar schools round here...

traceybath · 16/02/2009 19:02

DS1 is in reception at prep school and i'm overall sure we've made the right decision.

DS1 is an august boy and i think he'd have been a bit overwhelmed in a class of 30 which our local state schools have. The class size issue is important to me - as it is he's in a class of 18 which suits him well.

However, my nephew is in a lovely primary school which has classes of 14 on average. If i lived near there i'd probably have sent him there too.

charitygirl · 16/02/2009 19:21

giantkatestacks...in which case it might be worth it! I suppose I think that my primary school was a nice place with very low academic standards.

I needed a little coaching in maths to get me to the standard needed to pass the exams for a very competitive London day school - and this must have been cheaper than 7 years of private primary.

MollieO · 16/02/2009 20:10

giantkatestacks same here - Berks/Bucks borders! The general view amongst friends was to do private at primary level firstly because if a child doesn't develop an interest in learning at that age it is too late by the time they reach secondary and secondly it is a lot cheaper at primary level. So if they pass 11+ we won't have to pay for private secondary!

Having said that if my ds was stonkingly bright then I'd consider the independent route via scholarship or Christ's Hospital (we'd qualify because of single parent status!).

Carbonel · 16/02/2009 21:37

I am very happy where they are now but if you had asked me that question 2 years ago my answer would have been different. Despite both their current and previous school having outstanding ofsted reports they are chalk and cheese.

Tha pastoral care in this school is fantastic, they accept it is a partnership between parents and teachers, and everyone is genreally fantastic, approachable, happy. I know the head of prep, the head of lower school and the head of senior and more importantly they know my children.

The previous school could not see what each child needed, and were unable to deal with their needs, too fixated on what they thought was right, not the individual child.

So it definitiely does depend on the school and the child.

As far as state / private is concerned I could not send my dcs to state because ds is a 'year ahead' and the state will not even consider this around here, so the option does not arise, but then that just shows the benefits of the flexibilty of the private system.

scrooged · 16/02/2009 21:52

I'm feeling the same. Ds started his second private school in September, I can't see anything for what I'm paying for that I can't get at the local primary apart from the smaller class sizes. Ds is a very, very bright boy. He was assessed just before leaving his last school as having a literacy age of 16+ and a maths age of 14 (he's 9). He's top of the class but I can see that the works very easy for him and not challenging him at all. I'm at the point now where I know that they have 3 spaces in the local state school, they have an excellent G&T policy, after school clubs etc. I would be able to afford a tutor if he wanted to learn something different, take him on holiday (I've never been able to take him as I've always been paying school fees), I can even get a hair cut! It's really tempting. The state school are able to adapt the work to ds's needs, the same as the private school but I'm still unsure. It's a tough decision.

MollieO · 16/02/2009 21:58

scrooged if they are able to support your ds in the way that he needs then why would you stick with private? What do they offer that you can't get at the state school. Have you done a list of pros and cons and if money was no object what you'd choose. Private school is fine if you can afford it and it offers something more than state but if the two are equal then why pay school fees?

scrooged · 16/02/2009 22:05

It's just so expensive. I don't drive so I'm speding about 2 and a half hours a day, £75 a week just to get him to school! The state school's a 15 minute walk. I thought it would be able to push him but I've seen none of this. I'm getting the forms tomorrow, I've got to fill them in and send them back. He'll just be missing out on swimming lessons and the after school care he gets. It's not worth what I'm paying. I can afford it, however, it's at the expense of paying bills on time, on going on holiday, buying new clothes, learning to drive...... I could go on. I'm reluctant to move him again as he's made friends and is settled there. I'm sure he'll make friends again though, it's not as if he see's any of them outside school, they all live far away and are not around during the school holidays so he's with me all the time. Poor kid!

MollieO · 16/02/2009 22:16

Really hard decision bearing in mind the upset you've already had. I chose private over state because it made my life easier - wraparound care and holiday clubs etc although my ds is a lot younger so I don't have the educational aspect to worry about yet.

What would you do for after school care if he went to the state school? It is important to look at things as a whole if money isn't the main problem. It is a shame he doesn't see friends out of school too. The geographical spread of children at ds's school is pretty similar to what it would be at our local state school bar a couple who seem to do rather long journeys to school.

scrooged · 16/02/2009 22:18

I get the state school holidays off but as his current school hoildays are slightly longer I have to resort to bribing my neighbour or asking my mother to help. I need to check if the state school has an after school club, most of them do so this would really help.

MollieO · 16/02/2009 22:23

Ours started too late and finished too early to fit in with commuting and only offered two weeks holiday cover in the summer, 10am to 3pm. I figured that was to accommodate the yummy mummies trips to the gym/out for lunch before collecting their dc! Absolutely useless for me. Ds's school is in our main town so I have access to fast trains that we don't have in our village.

Most state schools have a website with that info, which at least will give you an idea of what is available.

scrooged · 16/02/2009 22:25

It doesn't say on the web site. The state school opens at 8:40 ish, giving me 20 mins. It's possible?????

MollieO · 16/02/2009 22:31

They may have a breakfast club from 8am, which seems to be the norm where we are. Ds's school start time is 8.50am but I can drop off from 8.30am without charge and from 7.30am for a charge of £1.50. Our local state school's breakfast club provides breakfast from 8am at a cost of £3.

I think you'd be advised to work out all the permutations you need to before making your decision .

scrooged · 16/02/2009 22:34

I have to apply now as it takes them a couple of weeks to process the form . I can't go and have a look around until next week, to be honest, I've not paid this terms fees yet as I pay them in installments. I've asked for them to be spread out over a bit longer but have not heard back from the school so I don't know if they want ds to return next week, which is part of the reason for the move. I can get hold of it though but it's going to be really tough to pay it how they want the installments.
There's so much to do, not enough time to do it all.

A breakfast club is a good idea.

newgirl · 16/02/2009 22:44

scrooged - you may also find a local parent who will do informal care before school for you too when/if he starts?

having the money to go on holiday sounds a huge thing that you will both benefit from. my dd is in state - great school - and we are able to pay for swimming, french, tennis and drama after school. middle class moi

scrooged · 16/02/2009 22:51

lol! I don't know alot of people here, only my neighbours so it would be good for both of us I think.

I'd like a bigger house, ours is so small but the rent's cheap so I overlook how cramped we are. It's things like this you live with so you can spend the money on the fees. I just want a haircut!

GrimmaTheNome · 16/02/2009 22:55

When you look at other places to put money (banks, shares, property), investing it between your child's ears doesn't seem like such a daft alternative.

I'm happy with our choice, and I know for certain I wouldn't have been happy with our village school, having heard DD's friend who goes there mention that she got told off by the headteacher for not attending church. ok so its a CofE school but they all are round here (or RC) and this kid's parents are Chinese. ... I'm just glad I could pay my money and take my choice, as the saying goes.

PollyFilla · 16/02/2009 22:58

It sounds to me as if you're cross about what else you could be doing with the money. Totally reasonable. But you have to let it go ime!

Do I regret that the local state schools are useless? Yes.

Do I regret not sending my children there? No.

Do I wish I could do something else with £100k over the next xxxxx years? Yes.

But I can't so I just have to get on with it!

I just realised this is quite old the first post but never mind.

MollieO · 16/02/2009 22:59

It would be a great benefit for your ds to have local friends to play with too.

islandofsodor · 16/02/2009 23:00

I chose the school as I felt it would be perfect for the dc. Well nothing is absolutely perfect but it on the whole fitted what we were looking for.

I would want the dc to go there regardless of whether it was state or private. In fact the senior school it is attached to used to be a state grammar school.

I worry about the finance every week especially as we are self employed and these are difficult times. I just know that we will do everything possible to keep them there. They are flousishing. Ds more so than dd who is full of confidence and would probably be OK anywhere really. However ds is actually more advanced than she is but needs nurturing. How he has developed is amazing considering his olack of confidence. He hates large groups and does not do well under intense pressure.

scrooged · 16/02/2009 23:02

It depends on the state school you have availiable. If it's not too bad then it's silly to pay for and have to spend 2 and a half hours per day travelling to and from when you have it for free on your doorstep. Ds finds social skills hard, he'll never learn if he doesn't have any friends outside school.

CowsGoMoo · 16/02/2009 23:08

Never had any regrets ever, DS started off in state school with dual entry form of 60 children, if one teacher was absent he would have lessons with 1 teacher to 60 children and 3 TA's. Absolutely shocking!

Moved him in Year 4 and he is now in Year 5 and is thriving. My DD has started in reception this Sept and is also thriving.

To me the termly fees of £3000 for DS and £1600 for DD are worth every penny.

If you however are questioning your choice then you are probably feeling that its not quite what you are after.

Haven't read any other responses, sorry, was your local state school bad? did you choose private to help get in to Grammar school at 11+?

we were just hugely disappointed towards the end of DS state education and given that he was also being bullied by a member of staffs son, we chose private, luckily we could make that choice too

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