Sending your child to an infants where most of the other children were from a very different background?

[dotty2]

We live in a small market town in the midlands. Our catchment area infant and junior schools are on a council estate and include just a few leafy streets in their catchment area, ours included. The infant school has a good/satisfactory Ofsted, but it makes it clear that the children have very low attainment on entry, lots of children coming and going during the school year etc. The infant school is very friendly and has a fab head. Now everyone else I know from our leafy enclave is sending their child out of town to a village school - we have several outstanding ones nearby with tiny intakes, and I can see why people find that attractive. But I don't really want to do that for a mixture of practical, environmental and ideological reasons - plus we'd have to buy a second car especially for the purpose. I really think it would be best for her to go to the nearby school, all in all. But will it matter if she is the only middle-class kid in school? We aren't posh, or particularly well-off, but we are bookish Oxbridge educated types, and we don't have the local accent. Will any of the other kids notice?

Apart from the market town bit, we are in a very very similar position. The short answer is - no, the other kids won't notice. I have found some of the parents are a bit wary of me as I'm not "local".

The other kids won't notice, although the other parents might. It is the best possible way that both you and your DC can become part of your local community, and that the school itself can become more representative of everyone who lives nearby.

Hassled, that's exactly it - I think it would be better if everyone just sent their kids to the local school. I don't like the idea of turning our back on a perfectly OK school to send her miles away to a village school - it just seems wrong. But interesting that you both comment re. the parents - will have to resign myself to no mates in the playground then...

I think children do notice and if they don't some of the parents tell them.
MY DD attends an out of school activity in a disadvataged area and the other girls call her 'posh', they laugh at her accent ( though not in a mean way) and at her school uniform.
It really doesn't bother her because she loves the activity but I think it might become very annoying if it were all day everyday.
Similarly, my friend wouldn't dream of sending her children where they were the only black kids.
I'm not saying this would be your experience but it is certainly worth thinking about no?

I've taught in a schoollike this. About 80% social housing then 4 streets of very expensive detatched houses. Most of the parents there went private TBH but a few came to us.

TBH, you really could tell which were which in Reception as attainment on entry was much higher and these kids were read to frequently etc. However, there were plenty of bright kids from the estate and lots of those had supportive,keen parents. So although they were behind on entry, you couldn't tell later on.

I'm not sure whether the parents mixed socially but the kids did. Also, I would say in no way did I ever think the more affluent kids were being shortchanged or would have done better elsewhere. It was good for the school too as it kept the bar high.

HTH

Litchick - that is what I'm worried about, more than academic attainment, which I'm sure will be fine. The school seems to have good measures in place - teaching bright Foundation children with Year 1s for literacy, etc. But I don't want her to be ostracised, or stand out like a sore thumb.

The difference I think is that Litchick's DD is wearing a different uniform. Uniform is a great leveller.

Interesting point re. uniform - except that their uniform is not complusory, so may not help (though it does include a red cardigan...)

I don;t think kids notice. My older 2 went to an infants with a mix. Some parents were 'book' types and well off, most were from the council estate. We were from the council estate but 'book' types (we both have degrees etc)
Long as the school is friendly and the children happy they should be fine.
Why doesn't she have a local accent. My kids all grew up in malvern so have a Malvern accent while dh is neutral and mine is west country.

re. the accent, I'm sure she will get a local accent eventually, but we are not from here originally and our accents are both pretty neutral - and I guess the kids at her nursery don't have much of a local accent either - it's not that strong anyway.

But the thing is, it's really not much of a social "mix" - I'd be perfectly happy if it was 50/50, or even 75/25, but from talking to the head, I think it's more like 95/5. The older kids on our street all go to an "outstanding" rated primary in the opposite direction, which is actually nearer - but it's had lots of new housing built in its catchment, so has become impossible to get into in the last year or two. Which is why we have a rather stark choice of this school or the village option.

Dd1 goes to a small school in our village, there are only 12 in her class, more than half of the children our from council estates (next to the school), a couple are from middle class. Im not realy sure what class i fit into as it doesn't bother me but we live in a rented house/not our own. Some of dd's best friends are from the council estate and some are from middle class families. I can't realy see a problem, its good for them to mix with children from different backgrounds.
My dd1 has a local accent (dorset) and i find that some of the children try to corect her when she doesn't use her t's. [GRIN]

I don't think that kids of this age notice particularly. Dd never has except when someone says 'aint' which she finds amusing.

Dd is at an inner-city London school which has a huge social / cultural mix. There are middle class kids from the 'posh' area by the Thames and kids from the council estates nearby and a whole host of others in between. There are kids who speak virtually no English and little geniuses who speak like newsreaders already.

I don't know what we are. We're educated to PhD level and love reading, music and art. But we don't own our own home - impossible on a teachers' salary to buy one in London. We're renting a housing association flat. So I guess that puts us in the bracket of social housing?

In my experience of the class (Y1 but dd's been with the same group since nursery so I've known them all nearly 3 years) it is not necessarily the richer kids who are the best academically and / or the best behaved. In fact some of the most pleasant and interesting kids are from the council estates. Their mums are also the most friendly I've found. A lot of the super middle-class mums I find very snobby, competitive and unapproachable while the working-class mums can be friendly and genuinely care about their child's education without feeling a need for one-upmanship.

Dd seems to fit in fine with all the kids and has never felt 'different' in any way although is a bit envious of the kids with a garden and / or pets! I sometimes have felt a bit embarrassed inviting a child here when I've seen what a whopping house they live in but the child has been completely comfortable here and vice versa.

I can only think it's a thoroughly good thing for kids to know all kinds of children and to take them on face value.

I went to a school which predominately educated children from a council estate as well a small minority from a new build private estate. At infant school children really don't seem to notice any differences at all, once we reached junior school the differences were more noticeable but still not an issue.

School i went do was like this (then, now it is all dead posh). I was quite severely bullied and i think being a bit bookish, nerdy and posh clearly did not help. There were other children who could read on entry like me + who were posh too. They did not get bullied. Think my problems waere
a) i was put in a class a year above for the first two years so my peers were much more socially + physically advanced then me
b) my clothes were just a bit weird (my mother actually had no money at the time + so i used to often wear her old clothes from when she was young - 1940s prissy smocked dresses when everyone else wore jeans + flared cords.
c) i just happened to have no social sense, when i saw that the only pair of pants left in the drawer was one that would make me teased i decided to wear none. Hmm that solved the problem not

I supposed what i am trying to say is that most children will cope + do well but some might find it tricky, if you are aware of the issues you can sort out some of the problems though.

Also even though i was bullied i think i did benefit from going there, education was great.

Thanks everyone. Very interesting to hear your experiences. We used to live in London (moved here primarily so that we could afford to buy on our public/voluntary sector salaries, Imaginary Friend!)and I think that's a very different situation, with a genuine social, and cultural, mix. Here it's all a bit insular and mono-cultural. But I do believe in principle that my dds should grow up learning to respect and value everyone equally - just a teeny bit scared of putting that into practice. Particularly when there's so much peer pressure to do otherwise.

I went to a pretty rough infants school. At that age you have no idea who you're mixing with and couldn't care less.

My parents took me out at 8 but that was because the teaching was dreadful, 30 years on my mum still talks about how lovely the other children were and how many nice friends I had.

It's all horses for courses though. Our catchment primary is rated outstanding but we don't use it and opted for the local independent school. People make their own assumptions about this but actually I didn't like the all white, affluent, snobby, pushy feel of the state primary.

At least at the independent school my kids mix with kids of different colours and creeds. It was also far more vibrant and less obsessed with results. In our case, sending them to the state primary would absolutely not have allowed them to mix with a wider social range of kids.

mrc - are they not fairly affluent, concerned with achievement at the independent school though?

Very many years ago I taught in a school in a very poor/deprived area. We took 98% of our children from the estate, which included two high rise blocks of flats; conditions were often grim. However, there was one road which bordered the estate comprising large detached houses. Now and then, an enlighted and confident parent from one of these houses would choose the school for its ethos, creative, inclusive etc, etc.

I clearly remember one child with afffluent professional parents who sent their children to the estate school. The children were both exceptionally bright and I taught one of them for two years. Although his accent stood out to adults, the children seemed oblivious and he integrated with no problems at all. There were other bright kids in the class so he enjoyed an appropriately challenging and stimulating curriculum with a like minded peer group.

I remember him most for his musical talent, he had a wonderful singing voice, although at that stage he didn't play any instruments. I have since discoved that he continued on the local comp, then to Cambridge and is now a composer by profession. I look forward to the day when I can go to the Proms and hear the premiere of one of his compositions!

I honestly believe that there is no reason why any child should not thrive and succeed in a good school even though they may come from a very differnt background to their peers.

I wish you well in your decision making. Sorry this is so long!

oh dear, "ethos, creative and inclusive culture"
and "discovered", "different" (note to self...edit before posting in future)

I went to Oxford and I'm now a solicitor doing a PhD.

I came from a humble background. Factory working parents, council estate, crap school. So I would never presume to make judgments about differences or worry about people doing the same.

I get stuck in at my local, wonderful, socially mixed primary. PTA etc. Everyone mixes together. I never think twice about it and I don't expect my kids to.

You set the example, your kids will follow.

We still miss ds's small school in the UK. It was very mixed and with wonderful committed teachers. (Parents do notice differences though... I was the odd Italian wearing a warm coat until May....)

More interesting thoughts - thank you.

Infin, that's really inspiring. Not because I think DD1 is likely to be any kind of genius, but because I hope that talent can always be uncovered and nurtured, with kind and committed teachers - whatever the child's background and the nature of the school.

Mmm. This post is entitled "Sending your child to an infants where most of the other children were from a very different background"

I wonder who is noticing the differences.

There is more to separate children than class barriers. All people are different. So what? That's life.

Or for 'different' do we read 'better'

My DC go to a school which is 85% Asian. We are white British and are therefore in the minority. The DC mix with the other children at school but there is little in the way of socializing after school. We tend to do cubs, beavers to compensate for this.
However it is our local school so they walk there everyday. They feel part of the wider community, and this will equip them better for the teenage years. They are also learning about different cultures, and how to get on with people from different backgrounds. All an essential part of a well-rounded education IMO.