Sending your child to an infants where most of the other children were from a very different background?

[dotty2]

We live in a small market town in the midlands. Our catchment area infant and junior schools are on a council estate and include just a few leafy streets in their catchment area, ours included. The infant school has a good/satisfactory Ofsted, but it makes it clear that the children have very low attainment on entry, lots of children coming and going during the school year etc. The infant school is very friendly and has a fab head. Now everyone else I know from our leafy enclave is sending their child out of town to a village school - we have several outstanding ones nearby with tiny intakes, and I can see why people find that attractive. But I don't really want to do that for a mixture of practical, environmental and ideological reasons - plus we'd have to buy a second car especially for the purpose. I really think it would be best for her to go to the nearby school, all in all. But will it matter if she is the only middle-class kid in school? We aren't posh, or particularly well-off, but we are bookish Oxbridge educated types, and we don't have the local accent. Will any of the other kids notice?

the accent problem has been solved in our case by dcs adopting local accent

Well, Debs, I realise that this is a minefield, since it comes down to class, and I was hoping that no one was going to call me a snob. Of course everyone's different, and no one's personality or values are determined by where they live - though of course everyone's are shaped by it a bit. If I really believed DD was "better" than all the kids on the council estate, I wouldn't be hesitating about buying another car and shipping her out to a school in a pretty village. I don't believe that, and I want her to grow up knowing people from all kinds of backgrounds. But the reality is that people - sometimes - do get shunned and picked on because of their background or their accent, and I don't want that to happen to her. My own experiences are a factor here, too, I think. My dad was a teacher and I went to perfectly nice, average first and middle schools in a genuinely mixed area and I was probably one of the better-off kids. We had a garden, for example. But the local comprehensive was really pretty poor and my parents then encouraged me to apply for a scholarship to an independent grammar. So then I had the opposite experience of being one of the (much) less well-off kids. Of course, in both places, there were kids who picked on me because I was different, but plenty of others who didn't and I had good friends. And as other posters have said, whether you get picked on depends partly on other factors - and DD is a bit eccentric.

And, as I've said before, I find it really difficult to believe that I'm doing the right thing when everyone I know socially is avoiding that school (though of course that may be because I don't have a wide enough social circle...)

Dotty, I know completely where you're coming from. I too find it hard to believe I'm doing the right thing sometimes. I'm sending my dd1 to the local primary school and have been canvassing opinions endlessly on here to the point where I've bored myself . It used to have a very rough reputation (slowly improving) and most parents round here drive for miles and fork out a fortune on private schools to avoid it. But it's a lovely school, gets good results and has a wonderful warm atmosphere. Other "professional~" mums who have sent their kids there tell me they fretted too but their dcs love it.

Only you can know what feels right to you, if you like the feel of the school I say go for it. Remember if it doesn't work out for any reason you can always move your dc, at this young age children take it all in their stride. Thanks infin, I found your post very inspiring and encouraging.

Usually it doesn't make any difference IME. Mine go to school with children of very different backgrounds, nationalities and languages and it all works out fine. But children react differently, I guess you know how your own will.

Am only posting though because what would concern me more than any of that stuff is the "lots of children coming and going". That kind of instability could be quite undermining, depending on the child. If they are going to be losing friends frequently it could either toughen them up or be emotionally quite troublesome.

Sorry, IM, where you asking me a question? I wasn't sure what you were asking in your post.

No the other children won't notice but then how do you know that there aren't 'bookish Oxbridge educated types' living on the council estate? May be more of a problem for you than your dc.

I went to a school in the middle of a council estate. No idea why as it wasn't our closest one and I had to venture forth every day from my 'leafy enclave'. I went to grammar school, uni etc and am now one of those boring City lawyer types so it certainly didn't have a detrimental effect on me. I would say that my parents weren't the sort to consider the kind of differences that seem to concern you. They treated everyone equally whatever their background and whilst I didn't develop the local accent it certainly didn't limit my school friendships.

I went to a local infant school in West Mids of which the majority in my class were of ethnic origin and/or of a different socio/economic class to me. I actually think looking back it was of great benefit to me as it taught me a lot about getting to know people before judging them and how to adapt socially to get on with a variety of people. I always look back fondly on those years. It didn't affect me academically either, although it may not have been the 'best' school in the area, they cared.
I got all my GCSEs in high school which was a similar mixture on a social and economic scale.

Incidentally I developed a broad 'yamyam' accept whilst at school but sopke differently to my mother!

oh dear that should read Accent and spoke
So much for that education now

She might not be the only "middle class kid" and who gives a crap about class anyway. Those with real class don't.

dotty2 we also live in a small market town in the midlands and have faced a similar (not exactly the same) issue.

And, rightly or wrongly, we opted for the little village infants school, that is further away and that we have to drive to, not walk to. I'm really happy with the decision, and I think its the right school for dd and next year, ds. That's not to do with class, its more about whats right for the dcs, but personally I feel really comfortable in the playground etc etc and for me, that's important. I may have felt equally comfortable in the nearer school's playground, but am pleased with the decision we made. HTH. And now I might get flamed.

What an interesting and thoughtful thread.

It's is an issue that people tend to have strong opinions about (and/or feel very anxious about), and it's also one which can be easily hijacked to 'prove' various different political positions.

Really encouraging to see people resisting the temptation, and to hear people's actual experiences delivered as objectively as poss.

Yes, onebatmother - thank you to everyone who has posted thoughtfully and positively on both sides of the argument and resisted the temptation to sneer (though any discussion of class obviously lays yourself open to accusations of snobbery). I definitely won't be flaming anyone, moodlum - I can perfectly understand why someone would come to a different conclusion. In theory I don't care about class, and I certainly hope I treat everyone equally, whatver their background too - Mollie. Don't we all at least try to do that? My question really was how much would it matter to my daughter in practice, and it's really interesting to hear people's experiences of how their children have fared.