Trying hard not to loose it. I want to cry!;(

[Mumlikeu]

Hi,
i need to screammmmmmmmmmm! I think i posted a thread last week about my 6 year old son. His dad and I went to his parents conference yesterday and his teacher told us that he is below the average for his age. He is excellent when he is guided but cannot do the work by himself. And of course there was a slight discrepancy on our side. I am now realising what they are talking about. It seems when you are constantly over him he does the work and really well. But if you are not he cannot get on with it by himnself. This is really bringing me down. I dont want to show him how much this frustrates me and neither do i want him to have a complex. He is otherwise a bubbly child and fun loving.

We dont understand what is going on with him and have now decided to take on the extra help they originally offered. The sad part of all this is at home he does his reading well with me ad his dad. But i am now noticing his struggles with spellings and he finds this frustrating and refuses to do his hand writing with me.

However he did some brilliant work with his dad yesterday and i dont understand whats going on with him. One minute he is a delight and loves to get stuck in and the next he has a mental block.

We have decided against kumon and have decided to go with home school education. I dont even know if all the extra work is neccessary for a child his age. I need advice.

Not sure what to adivise and v sorry you are upset. I suppose one thing to remember if that 6 is v little for all this reading and writing stuff really. He has lots of time on his side.

Stop panicking . Keep him at school. He will be fine. He is just a little boy. Don't worry.

He may simply be a child who does not enjoy working alone. He is very young and I really wouldn't get stressed about this at this stage. If he's still like it at 14, then you may have a problem, but, at 6, he is still learning how to work in different situations. He is obviously showing that he loves the attention of you and his dad, and possibly also the teacher, and thus produces his best work. Left alone with no one to impress, he probably doesn't put in much effort. Give him time and he will gradually learn to work in both situations.

agree with anna8888

My 6 year old does similar, seems to be fine but stares off into space. Reads fine and does maths but writing, forget it, he bloddy hates it. However we are very relaxed and trust the school implicitly, leave him at school, it will sort out in the end.

What strategies or support did they suggest either for home or during the school day ? Have you spoken to the school's SENCO(Special Educational Needs coordinator) as it may be that he needs to have some small group or one to one to get him going and/or be on School Action with an IEP and targets to work towards. There is no stigma in this, such behaviour is not uncommon, and it may only need to be a short term measure. Seems a knee jerk reaction to homeschool rather than a positive choice so follow things up at school first.

I hear what you guys are saying and its reasurring to read them. But the reality of things is i feel like i am not a good enough mum. He doesnt play well by himself..at all! Infact he doesnt really like to do anyhting without an audience and this is really frustrating. He is 6 and still gets up up to three times a night. So the school side of things is just the icing on the cake. I try and talk with him, ask him lots of questions, i try and engage with him as much as i can but he gives me one word answers. I am so aware he is just a 6 year old boy but he doesnt apply himself at nothing. If there is no audience he gets dis engaged. To be frank and sick of it! I starting to get sick of my own son. Does that make me a bad mother??

not not a bad mother at all, you would n't care if so, but probably less than an ideal basis on which to home educate.

We have agreed to start work with the IEP at school. She will be working with him three days a week for half and hour. They also said it wont be a long term measure, the main concerns are mainly to do with his lack of concentration when given work to complete by himself and in a group. I was really against this idea at fisrt but i can now see that he desperately needs it. I do also think that there is a lot of pressure put on these children at year 1 to write in joint writing. I just wanted to know whether extra help such as homeschool could benefit him, and me. Because i dont have the patience reuired to help him anymore. (hmm)

IMHO take any help the school offers
If you want to do additional work at home then fair enough but TBH I would see how the school stuff pans out before employing a tutor (this is speaking as a mum to a rather easyily distractable 6 year old ds)

He sounds like a normal 6 year old tbh. 6 year old boys jump up and down and find it hard to concentrate.

My DS is 7 adn in Year 3 and although he can concentrate at times, at other times he can't and from knowing some of his friends I know that some of them concentrate for longer and some for a LOT less. And some are more lively than others.

Please try not to put so much pressure on him and you. In some countries he wouldn't even be at school yet.

PLaying board games and doing jigsaws are good for concentration. You can start to leave him for a minute. Then 2 minutes etc.

Take the help offered. My DS is working with an OT this year as he struggled with his handwriting last year. It is VERY common with boys. He is working on fine motor skills and co-ordination. There will be lots of threads and info on here about stuff that can help with that if you want to feel you are doing something to help him.

When is his birthday? Is he young in the year? My DS is August so I have started asking a friend whose DS is in the year below how her DS is doing as he is only 3 weeks younger than mine and he is much more on a par with him.

Try not to worry. He will be fine. Just keep on encouraging and praising him. And most importantly enjoy him.

Keep him where he is, take the help offered by the school. He sounds like a normal little boy. He is only 6. I agree with everyone who says not to worry.

He just turned 6 two weeks ago. So he is one of the oldest in year 1. I know this is common with boys but how comes the other boys arent at the bottom??

I am encouraged by the replies. Thanks every1.

It is easier said than done not to worry. lol

I do think he will be fine and its up to me not to loose it.

So if he doesnt want to do work, should i just leave it and not try and force him??

Since you obviously care you are not a bad mother.
My dd is in year 1 and there are at least 2 children (if not more) in her class who spend a lot of the time day dreaming and needing to be re-focussed on what they are supposed to be doing and the rest of them spend too much time talking!! This is a class of 16. They are all very young still and are in the process of 'learning to learn'. Year 1 is a big step up from play based reception.

When my dd has homework I sit next to her but I do something else. We also do it in very short bursts 5 - 10 mins, if she is not concentrating then we move onto something else.

He can learn to concentrate by doing fun things like colouring, jigsaw puzzles, board games. Short periods interspersed with opportunities to do something physical are better than long periods.

DS1 didn't learn to write until he was 7. He could read at 4. Children learn different skills at different rates. DS1 wouldn't write because it took more effort - for him - he preferred to do the things that he found easy, and, like all little boys IME, he preferred to run around and play.

He is at university now, so it didn't hold him back

Thanks jajas. It is great that schools do offer IEP and meeting targets. I cant wait to see how that helps him. I just sometimes feel that im on my own and other mums have these brainy kids who love learning. lol

How are your boys getting on with the IEP? How long have they been working on meeting targets?

Sorry you are so upset. He does sound like a very typical 6 year old to me! In fact, he sounds very much like my dd was at that age. Everything clicked for her during the first term of year 2, and she has come on in leaps and bounds, although she will always be a bit dreamy/distractible.

If I were you, I would focus on trying to sort out his sleep first. If he always has disrupted nights that won't do any good for his ability to concentrate. And it can't be doing much for you either! Waking up 3 times every night at 6 is really a lot. There are loads of ways of tackling sleep issues of course - have a look at some threads and see what you think might work for you.

Agree with others. This is very typical for some 6 year old boys.

DS1 (now 7) had an IEP in year 2 because he sounded very similar to your DS when he was in Yr1. He excelled with the extra input and was the only one to achieve his targets and leave the additonal sessions for Yr3 . Now, he loves working and does not have such an issue with concentration.

i have a friend whose boy started to have concentration probs when he started school ( at 6 where they live). He has a tendency to an asperger's type syndrome which was picked up apon quite quickly by his tutors. Yet, it is hard to know if it's becuase of this that he was finding the actual concentratrion difficult, or just the fact that he was a 6 yr old boy.

fast forward 4 yrs and he is much improved with extra tutoring, understanding, and by the fact that he is not 6 anymore.

I agree with zazette. The sleep difficulties would worry me and may explain the lack of concentration at school.

Definitely accept any extra help offered by school too. They are the experts, after all.

Sorry - I missed the bit about the interrupted sleep. I think you should get some help to get to the bottom of that - he needs his sleep, and interrupted sleep is poor quality as well as being insufficient. IYSWIM.

I empathise whole heartedly as this is my on going battle. I dont yet know the ins and outs of my son's level and where hes at. I do know he can count to a 100. He knows and can identify some high frquency words. He writes pretty well with guidance and lots of praise and can spell a few words using phonics and blending of sounds. However there concern is that he is below the average 'whatever that means'.

Its so draining and depressing because you feel like you are trying your best and dont want for them to feel aliented or make them feel like they have a problem.

How else do you beat the system?? This is why i wan extra home studeis. ie home school eduation programme as well as school and help from IEP or private tution on the side. But yet again all adds up.

Are you in london hun?