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so- have written to head tonight- ds1 broke down at bedtime [sad]

65 replies

oops · 26/10/2008 20:35

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oops · 01/11/2008 11:33

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oops · 02/11/2008 20:06

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SofiaAmes · 03/11/2008 04:33

oh you poor thing. I really do think you should start by talking with the teacher rather than bringing in a letter to the head. She really is the one who has the power to make things better and is more likely to do that with enthusiasm if it doesn't come from above. Of course, if she doesn't manage a change, then you must go to the head.

It also might help to give your ds shortcuts to help him with coping. If he's having a hard time with anything in particular in class, let him skip that homework once a week or even that lesson (if you can convince the teacher to do so). I know it's counterintuitive, but sometimes kids like our sons need space rather than pressure to figure something out. My ds HATED the reading books (it's a whole teaching system) they were using to teach them to read. He was having a hard time learning to read and they were sending him for extra lessons with an aide, but she too was using the same stupid books that he hated. So, I banned the books at home and declared my dislike for them too (not hard since they really were insipid) and tried him out on a whole bunch of other books instead. In the end Goosebumps did the trick (despite the teacher's insistence that it was too hard for him). Also, maybe he can help one of the teachers or the head at lunchtime for a few weeks to just give him a bit of space to regroup his courage and also for the other kids to forget about him in the role of victim. In 2nd grade my ds started helping one of the teachers clean the playground at lunchtime and did that for several weeks at the height of some bullying he was receiving. In the end when he went back to playing, the boys who had bothered him had moved onto someone else.
Anyway, best of luck with all of it. Please let us know how it all goes.

bloss · 03/11/2008 07:38

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oops · 03/11/2008 09:40

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MarmadukeScarlet · 03/11/2008 09:42

I'm glad he was happier about going in, that is reassuring.

I hope he has a great day and you too.

SofiaAmes · 03/11/2008 14:40

Oh, so glad to hear he wanted to go to school today. I hope your talk with the teacher etc. is helpful. I don't think the specifics of how they deal with the boys is irrelevant. But probably important to suggest that you are looking for proactive solutions that change behavior and the interactions between these boys and your ds, not just punishments.

Bloss, there is a thing called synesthesia which is when your senses are all mixed up. I have a very mild version of it, which sounds a bit like what your ds has. I cannot taste food when it's noisy and lose all appetite. Also, I can't hear properly if I have my sun glasses on or can't see well. It was really helpful to me when I finally understood that I was not imagining these cross sensations. There are a few books about the phenomenon...just google it. Your ds might find them interesting and relieving.

oops · 03/11/2008 16:17

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bloss · 03/11/2008 16:53

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SofiaAmes · 03/11/2008 17:28

Have either of you tried any of the books by Mel Levine? He's an American pediatrician who has written a series of books about the medical explanation behind learning issues. He's so reassuring and absolutely fascinating. The two books I read are "A Mind at a Time" and "The Myth of Laziness."

I will check Out of Synch Children out of the library just in case....

If it's any consolation, my father is a famous scientist and I see so many similar out of sync characteristics in my son and my father....

oops · 03/11/2008 18:09

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bloss · 03/11/2008 23:19

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oops · 04/11/2008 07:50

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SofiaAmes · 04/11/2008 14:45

Hey my ds is physically quite small too and spends all his time reading. He plays quite a bit with the girls (this started in 1st grade) because he likes their imaginary fairy and role playing games. I would definitely try to encourage relationships with the more creative girls (the ones with the weird outfits) in your ds' class. I find that the eccentric girl friends really mitigates the jock boy exclusion activity. They operate on such different planes that I think the jock boys are a little afraid of the "different" girls.

It really will get better and he will find his groove. And you will eventually get a teacher who gets him....I finally have all of that this year (3rd grade) and it's such a wonderful experience.

oops · 05/11/2008 00:19

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