My ds has some of the characteristics you describe in your ds. He too is not autistic/aspergers, but interestingly his best friend is autistic and all his other close friends really can only be described as a little odd (I don't mean this as disparaging...that's how I would describe ds and most of my friends too). Anyway, to set the scene....in 1st grade (usa) ds started getting picked on by a group of boys who were older and more athletic. In fact 2 of these boys had been quite friendly with ds in kindergarten. He came home one friday night and at dinner when I asked about his day, he burst into tears telling me how mean they were to him. (Very similar to what you are describing...following him around and just being not very nice....behavior that my dd would have handled in 3 secs flat with a flip of her hair and a turn of her back). So, after resisting the temptation to call up the mothers (whom I was friendly with) and give them a piece of my mind, and after telling dh that he was not allowed to beat up the fathers and after telling dd (4 at the time) that she was not allowed to "kick their heads in." ....I decided to go speak to the teacher. She was not so good at teaching ds (just didn't get him and his odd ways), but she was absolutely brilliant at nipping the problem in the bud and pretty much eliminated for the whole rest of the year. What she did:
- Moved a bunch (not just ds and bully boys) of kids around in the class room and changed who they were sitting next to. Ds was seated such that he was not next to any of the boys he was having trouble with.
- Instituted a buddy system during recess and lunch. All the children were paired up with a buddy and they were required to play with that child for the entire recess and lunch period. Kids were paired with other kids that they might not normally play with (but ds was NOT paired up with the bullies). This lasted for a week. And for the rest of the school year, anytime she sniffed a social problem, she'd do another week of buddy system.
- She gave the class a lesson on being nice and respectful to everyone (without selecting out ds or the bully boys).
All three items were important, but in my opinion, the buddy system one was the most effective and definitely worth suggesting to your ds' teacher.
Over the years I have had a variety of problem with the school with regard to ds and have more than once gone to the principal for assistance. However, in this case, I felt that the issue really needed to be resolved by the classroom teacher. And luckily it actually was.
Getting back to your ds. He sounds lovely. He will find good friends. My ds didn't start getting his until the middle to end of 1st grade. His best friends now (all of whom were developed that year) are a boy with Aspergers, an eccentric gifted girl who still has 2 year old tantrums, a space cadet boy, an autistic boy and a hyper competitive jock. If I had to pick 4 kids to be stranded on a desert island with, they would be my ds' best friends. They are so much more fascinating than their peers.
However, be prepared to deal with the bullying issues on a regular basis. And with academic issues as well. I have been told at the beginning of every year that my ds is clueless and will fail the year. He always ends up being one of the top students. I also find that ds has good weeks and bad ones and they don't really necessarily seem to be related to obvious outside factors. Sometimes he is all there and completely focused on planet earth, and sometimes he can't remember to put on his shoes or take off his pj's before he gets dressed (he is almost 8 now). The important thing is for you to remain focussed on what your ds needs to function even if the teachers act as if it's a little weird or different. Stay firm and give him the support he needs, even if they claim that he's "too old" to need it. My ds remembers everything he's ever read, but still wanders up to his bedroom with his plate in his hand because he's forgotten that he was in the middle of clearing it to the kitchen. A few weeks ago, I found him at 8pm getting dressed, because he was naked and had gotten distracted and forgotten that he was in the middle of the getting pj's on ritual and had started on the getting dressed ritual. The darkness outside and his sister getting on her pj's next to him triggered absolutely nothing in him.
ok now I'm babbling, which is one of my theories on why my ds disappears off in his mind so much....it's just to get away from me and dd and our incessant talking....Hopefully some of this has been helpful for you.