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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

dd in reception not allowed to go to toilet so had massive explosive poo accident

53 replies

Howlingbellyofbeelzebub · 20/10/2008 23:22

dd was 4 in August so a young one in reception. She has suffered severe constipation since the summer which the school know about. This weekend she was given new medication which really helped but left her with 'speedy poo'. This morning I told the class teacher that she would need to go to toilet suddenly and left a change of clothes in case of accidents. At the start of lunch time dd was out in the playground, needed to poo and asked the dinner lady but was refused - ok so the dinner lady wasn't told about dd's poo thing but why would you not let a 4 year old go to the toilet? it's bloody ridiculous.

So dd didn't make it, had massive pooing thing and actually had to be taken into the disabled toilet and was showered clean . Poor dd, she then didn't have time to eat lunch so came home really hungry and it was her very first day full-time today . The staff who helped her out were really kind with her and did not make a big deal about it at all but at the dinner lady. I'm going to have to talk to her teacher again in the morning. I just don't get why children would not be allowed to go to toilet - they're only 4 years old FGS.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

asdmumandteacher · 20/10/2008 23:25

Thats terrible. Poor little one i would never do that to a pupil of mine. All the dinner ladies need to be informed.

sleepycatonabroomstick · 20/10/2008 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 20/10/2008 23:27

My dd told me that she the teachers wouldn't let her go to the loo near to home time they said she would have to wait untill she got home. She peed herself on her way home.

Luckily her dancing school was near us at the time and was open for extra practises for the older kids so they let us in to change her into spare dance gear and clean her up.

and for your dd, you would think dinner ladies and teachers would have more sense wouldn't you? When you are 4 you need to go when you need to go. Ill or not.

sunnydelight · 21/10/2008 04:58

Poor child, how embarrassing for her. (Wanders off muttering at crap system that puts 4 year olds in schools with adults who seem to have no understanding of 4 year olds .............)

PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 21/10/2008 07:52

oh no.....I am so for you, and for your DD. that is awful.

you know my J has to take meds for similar, and all thro reception was on senna and something els (began with M, sorry, can't remember name[blsuh]) and they were great, except for the dinner ladies!

IME you really DO need to spell it out in big letters and words for them to 'get it'.

for instance, the school mine go to have a big 'water as only drink' policy, in keeping with healthy eating. All well and good, but my son, altho is ok drinking water, will not drink enough of it to keep his bowel working so he also have flavoured drinks and fruit juices.............and he needs them at school.
The first week he was full-time, the dinner ladies refused him his drink (he has orange or apple juice for lunch, his water is for break and to sit on his table). He got upset, his tummy aches got worse, and then he also soiled himself which is so upsetting for them regardless of how sympathetic they are cleaning them up.

I kicked off.........and went to the head teacher. I wasn;t rude, but I was angry as I had gone thro everything with the techer and the TA's and the nurse, and yet no-one seemed to think the lunch ladies needed to know, and of course, the lunch ladies take school rules VERY literal, and give no lee-way for those who have extra needs.

They DO understand now!

please go in and 'kick-off'. Not in rude way, but a very concise way and give them complete understanding that if this continues a complaint will go in. Sometimes it is the only way for people to nderstand!

Oh, and IME (over the 10yrs of having children in school), some dinner ladies seem to have gone to the same place that docs receptionists go to train in that special 'god-complex' they seem to excell at....!

WigWamBam · 21/10/2008 08:02

The dinner ladies should have been informed about her toilet needs - we have a session before we start every day where we are updated with all the concerns which parents have, and which children to keep an eye on.

Apart from which, it is never acceptable to refuse a child of that age permission to use the toilet.

Most of us lunch ladies don't have a "god complex", Psycho. Most of us don't take school rules all that literally and will give leeway where it's needed.

PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 21/10/2008 08:24

wigwambam.......apologies. I re-read and I seem to have lumped all into the several that I have come across and heard of. sadly, once you have several bad experiances it colours your perception (well, it has mine), which is very unfair of me.

some are like it tho, and I make no apology for thinking that!

WigWamBam · 21/10/2008 08:31

Agreed - some are like it. And it's a shame that the rest of us always seem to be tarred with that same brush.

Seems to be open season on lunchtime supervisors on MN at the moment so maybe I'm being a little over-sensitive - sorry

umberellascankill · 21/10/2008 08:39

poor dd, that's a disgrace. whether the dinner lady knew of her problem or not, she should have been allowed to go to the tiolet -poor little thing.

hellywobs · 21/10/2008 10:18

It's never acceptable to tell ANY child of ANY age they can't go to the toilet (unless you know they are taking the mickey). Would you say to an adult "no wait, it's breaktime in 10 minutes"? Thought not.

SaTanicGore · 21/10/2008 10:28

Lunchtime supervisors do a hard job, for crappy pay, in crappy conditions.

It is usually the fault of the school that communication between teaching staff and lunchtime staff is appalling.

Most of us work our socks off, treating every child as the important individual they are. Please don't make us all out to be horrors.

And having a wanker as a HT who should be tied by his bollocks to the school fence and then shot doesn't help.

Oh sorry, personal rant in the last bit there

critterjitter · 21/10/2008 11:26

Perhaps sending in a letter from your GP would ensure that the school took note?

lljkk · 21/10/2008 11:32

I imagine staff (who had to clean the mess up) are giving dinner lady grief for OP, anyway.

Geepers · 21/10/2008 11:36

Horrible for your daughter.

I am amazed that having poo'd and made such a mess that she needed a full shower to get clean, that you weren't called to collect her.

Any 4 year old would have been distressed enough by the poo'ing, without the humiliation of needing to be showered and then ushered back to the classroom for the afternoon.

I'd be equally cross about not being informed immediately as I would about my DD not having access to a toilet.

Lemontart · 21/10/2008 11:41

poor thing!

I wonder if that is a school rule rather than a dinner lady rule? Good opportunity for the school to review it?s lunchtime supervision and insde/outside access rules I guess. I am glad that they handled her sensitively though and hope it does not affect her too much.

We have lovely dinner ladies but they do an impossible job. I helped out last year when one was off sick and was horrified at the stupid expectations. How they are expected to clear away the dinner tables at the same time as oversee supervision outside is beyond me. Their option is either to split the job and have one woman man handling very heavy trestle tables on her own, or to leave the first batch of kids outside unsupervised. Awful. Instead they do this rubbish compromise where they start packing tables away as soon as they empty, lifting and folding big tables with kids walking around, children being asked mid mouthful to "shove over on to the next table" etc etc. Annoyed me enough to write a snotty letter to the governors who mumbled back about poor funding and deemed not a health and safety issue... Grrrr!

Still, doesn?t excuse the teacher in this situation - they really should have been clued up enough to pass on the info to the dinner lady. Lunchtimes are often where the child feels most vulnerable and issues like guineapig dying that morning, grandparent in hospital, sister off school with tummy bug so keep an eye out etc etc SHOULD be passed on. They can?t do their job and care for our kids if they are being treated like they are irrelevant bodies only there for the Health and Safety bods.

Surfermum · 21/10/2008 11:43

Are you sure the staff are saying that? Dd has lots of problems with accidents as she often gets urine infections. She tells me that she's not allowed to go to the toilet, or gets told to put her hand down if she's asking.

But all the staff have reassured me that they can go to the toilet any time they like, there is no restriction.

For dd it's a case of her either being too shy to ask, embarrassed or thinking she can't admit to me that it's happened so blames the teachers not letting her go.

Blandmum · 21/10/2008 11:53

Most information about Guinea Pigs dying, illnesses etc are passed on in staff briefing time, which happens before the kid's school day starts.

Lunchtime supervisors don't tend to attend IME, because their work day doesn't start at that time (not a dig BTW, the pay is crapola as it is, without further demands on time)

It is a very stressful job, and horribly undervalued

louii · 21/10/2008 11:58

What does a lunchtime supervisor role involve that it is very stressful? Seriously very stressful??

Blandmum · 21/10/2008 12:01

Imagine a hyper birthday party. Now make it a hyper birthday party with, say 250 kids.

Every day

I'm not a lunchtime supervisor, I'm a teacher, and doing what they do onece a week at break time (we do food at break as well as lunchtime) is more than enough for me.

Try it an see. Tis tough and very stressful.

some kids can be v 'norty'. Hard graft

ghosty · 21/10/2008 12:01

It makes me soooo angry that people say children can't go to the toilet. Why NOT FFS??? WHAT is the point of stopping any child from going to the loo.
Am on your behalf and if it were my child I would be down there very cross indeed!
Your poor poor DD
When I was in my first ever observation of a class when I was in my first year of teacher training at Uni I watched a 5 year old ask the teacher 4 times to go to the loo and she said no every time. He then got a telling off for wetting himself and making a puddle on the floor I decided then that if I made it into teaching I would always let a child go to the toilet if they asked, no matter what.
Regardless of your DD's special needs with regard to the toilet (and the message getting through to the dinner ladies) WHY can't they let a child go to the loo when they ask?????????????????????????

LilRedWGoreandguts · 21/10/2008 12:01

Err - a hundred screaming banshees.

Seriously though howling - I feel so for youd little DD, and am that they didn't save her some dinner.

Eniddo · 21/10/2008 12:02

of course its not bloody stressful

not as stressful as shitting yourself in front of your classmates anyway

Blandmum · 21/10/2008 12:03

Oh, i'm not saying the poo thing was a right thing to do, not at all.

But lunctime supervision is really stressful. I'd hate to have to do it more than once a week

Eniddo · 21/10/2008 12:03

sorry I am sure some kids are a nightmare but you are paid, and you aren't having to deal with them for very long

ghosty · 21/10/2008 12:04

quite Enid - I completely agree.

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