My DD HAD to draw a daddy?!?!? I don't think she questioned it but I still feel sad

[MascaraOHara]

dd: "mummy yesterdya at school I had to draw a daddy"
me: "but you don't have a daddy, why did you have to draw a daddy, did tell you to?"
dd: "yes we haded to draw a mummy and a daddy in our picture"
me: "OK, so did you just drawme then"
dd: "no"
me: "did you tell that you don't have a daddy?"
dd: "no"
me : "oh, ok, what did you do then?"
dd: "I drew a man watching TV"

So I'm guessing that that teacher asked them to draw a picture of their mummy and daddy.. I think she should have actually said either

a) draw a picture of the people who look after you

or

b) draw a picture of your family

I feel very sad for dd.

I don't want to devalue the concept of a two parent family of course I think it's important but circumstances are what they are and I think the teacher should have been more thoughtful.

My 6yo shouldn't have to tell the teacher that she hasn't got a dad in front of the whole class but she didn't know what to do

Mascara - of course there was no 'dig'. What a horrible thing to say! I'm really shocked, especially as it is nowhere at all in what I actually posted. You mentioned yourself that she was talking about wanting a daddy and finding candidates for the role - so it seemed plausible that this could possibly have been part of your daughter's assertion that she had been 'told' to draw a daddy.
My children are also bright and nice kids but frankly, what they told me about school at that age wasn't always very accurate, and I think it's a mistake for people (I didn't say you) to jump in saying that the teacher was definitely wrong and insensitive etc without knowing exactly what happened, which is why I'd suggest a quick chat, asking the teacher she realised your dd didn't have any contact with her father (or whatever the circs) to sort it out. I can think of a zillion reasons why the word daddy might have cropped up, perhaps in a suggestion of people who might be in the children's families, eg grandparents, siblings, pets etc. On the other hand the teacher may have told your little girl that the only possible depiction of a family allowed must include a father, but from my experience of school I find that unlikely, and if true, very odd.

Well dd2 came home yesterday and they were discussing women's lib and who did what in the home. I know the teacher she is not insensitive, having had cancer and nearly not being here today for her own family. However, I know in dds class a least one child who's mother died when she was in year 3 and at least 5 who live at home with single parents, for whatever reason. They were asked to discuss who does what, male female roles in the home. I expect there were many children saying "dad cuts the grass and mum does this". So it goes on. I lost my dad at 12, I know what it can be like, but for younger children I expect, so much tougher as they don't have the resources to comply/work their way through it. As parents we need to discuss with our children that not all families live like the ads on the telly!

mabanana - from the OP I wouldn't have said that the teacher insisted that her DD had to draw a daddy. I think she probably said "draw a picture of yoru mummy and daddy". I think - despite what you think, is really still very common.

The impression I got was that Mascara's DD didn't want or feel confident saying to her teacher that she didn't have a daddy.

I'm just surprised that you think its so rare, I come across it all the time.

Mascara - there are some great books which help childrne share their family shape and a lot of schools will take the opportunity if you go and talk to them about it to do a little session on "families like ours" which celebrates what each individual child does have rather than what they don't.

You might also find reading about WISE UP helpful to "coach" your DD on dealing with this kind of thing. It is aimed at children who were adopted but is a good technique to teach your children to deal with anything that they might not feel comfortable discussing. I'll see if I can find it on t'internet.

Kewcumber how thoughtful to offer that to op. Hope you are feeling better now.

I would talk to the teacher. I found it a problem. When my DS started school he had to draw a picure of mummy and daddy. His father was dead and I had my poor DS saying that he didn't know how to draw him, he wondered whether to give him a beard or not! I went in and I think it was perhaps a misunderstanding, she wanted the words for a reading scheme. I don't think my DS differentiated between 'a' daddy and 'my' daddy-I am not sure that any child that age would and I don't think they should be asked to do it. I forced myself in to discuss it because I was afraid that I might burst into tears.
I also found them insensitive on Father's Day card. My DS made one for his grandfather which was fine, but he did need it earlier than the rest to get it in the post. We used to have to rush around on Friday afternoon finding and envelope and catching the post.
He got a step father and we moved,we were both really pleased that he could finally do a card only to find that the new school didn't do it! I think they had quite a few without fathers.