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Really upset and need advice please

33 replies

alfiemama · 22/09/2008 18:19

My ds was 4 in June and has just started School.

I keep asking the Teacher how is he doing, but she told me after one day that he seems overwhelmed by it all (,he only went to nursery from 3 and for two half days). Every day I ask how he is doing and every day, I am told he seems to be struggling more than the others, and we will have to see (god knows what that means).

Academically she hasn't told me anything and to be honest he seems ok with the work he is being set (the elephant with words like and, am, to etc) he picked this up after a day (my friends have told me their children couldn't do this for ages).

I am so desperately worried for him, I have to admit we spoilt him (he took us 5 years of trying and fertility treatment, which I have exp to teacher), she just keeps saying he doesn't respond to orders.

Ds is enjoying going to school and is mixing very well with the other children but dh is saying that if things haven't improved in a week we should pull him out, but then I know you shouldn't think this but how on earth would I be able to afford to send him to nursery for the time that is needed, and also he is enjoying it, it would break his and my heart.

OP posts:
cornsilk · 22/09/2008 18:20

he's only just started - give it till half term before you ask again.

traceybath · 22/09/2008 18:22

My DS has also just started reception and is an august baby.

I'd make an appointment with the teacher and go and have a proper discussion with her then you can find out exactly how he's settling in.

LadyMuck · 22/09/2008 18:23

"dh is saying that if things haven't improved in a week we should pull him out" If what hasn't improved in a week? What exactly is the problem? Is it the "he doesn't respond to orders"? How is he out of school?

TheProvincialLady · 22/09/2008 18:23

If your DS is enjoying it and the work is not too hard for him then I am sure the other problems will settle down in time. Maybe you could ask the teacher what it is about 'orders' that he will not respond to and what he does, and what she would like him to do, so you can reinforce this at home. If you have spoilt him in terms of behaviour you will have to deal with it sooner or later so you might as well start now.

He is so young, if he wasn't enjoying it I would say take him out - but it is great if he is. Try not to let your feelings take over too much.

dustystar · 22/09/2008 18:23

He is still very young and its not been 3 weeks yet so don't panic. Children develop at different rates and lots of the younger ones struggle when they first start school. If he's enjoying it and is making friends and the school don't seem unduly worried at the moment then I think you should take that as a good thing.

compo · 22/09/2008 18:23

if he's enjoying it then I wouldn't worry
your dh sounds a bit hasty
has ds actually said he doesn't want to go?
my ds just started recptio, he isn't doing any words at all, just painting, being read picture books, and playing mostly

Saturn74 · 22/09/2008 18:24

Your DS is very young, and if he's enjoying school, doing well socially, and getting on OK with the 'work', then that sounds like a great start.

I think you and DH need to make a formal appointment with the teacher, as you are both so worried. Her comments seem quite general, and I'm sure she didn't mean to worry you.

The teacher will be able to make her comments more specific, and I'm sure it will set your mind at rest.

roquefort · 22/09/2008 18:24

I really wouldn't worry - give him time to settle in. I wouldn't keep asking the teacher - she will only become irritated. Talk to her later in the term if you are still concerned. If he is happy, that is fantastic and a good start in itself.

mumto2andnomore · 22/09/2008 18:24

Its early days the main things are that you say he is enjoying school and is mixing well, thats great ! I dont understand why you would take him out if he is happy ? Some children do take a little longer to settle and get used to the school routines.

I would stop asking the teacher for a bit,there will be a parents evening soon when you will be able to have a longer talk with her about how he is doing, you may be reading too much into little comments she makes.

Blu · 22/09/2008 18:27

If your child is happy and enjoying it, AND is keeping pace with what is going on, ther is nothing, NOTHING fo you to worry about!

Reception is all about learning thorugh play, slowly getting to grips with the systems and procedures of school - honestly - stop asking, and stop worrying!

(DS is a summer baby...)

slayerette · 22/09/2008 18:29

If your ds is enjoying school and mixing well, I'm a bit confused as to why you keep pressing his teacher for more information, tbh. Term has barely started yet you don't seem to be giving either your ds or his teacher time to settle in. Your ds needs time to learn how school routines work, what is expected of him and how to behave appropriately. It seems you are expecting him to be able to do all this instantly! He's only 4. And thinking already of pulling him out? to do what? to go where? Isn't his enjoyment of it the most crucial thing at this stage?

My tip? Stop asking how he's doing for a while!

alfiemama · 22/09/2008 18:30


The teacher does seem quite sharp and I dont think she does like me asking, I only asked today because he had a sticker on and thought he may have excelled at something (me and ds have said reading is going to be the think we do best lol) any way she said "oh no theyve been to headmistress and all got a sticker"

Your right we have a open eve soon so will promise to clamp ones mouth until then and not ask her, ds is trying so hard (he had issues with eating and is finally eating dinners) so secretly very proud of the progress that he has made.

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forevercleaning · 22/09/2008 18:32

Your DS seems to be happy and going in every day without issue, so I would take that as a huge sign that things are OK.

Respond to orders? WTF does the teacher mean? Sounds like a bootcamp

She prob means that he doesnt sit on the mat when they have to , or needs a bit of help in starting off his work as all 4 year olds (and alot older) do..

Doesnt sound as if the teacher has approached you, but you have approached her, so that in itself means that things must be ok.

Give it time before you approach her again, or see her at parents eve.

Blu · 22/09/2008 18:40

They get stickers fiften to the dozen in Reception! Positive Affirmation of everything from sittng on the carpet to opening a book - two if they hold it the right way up.

Also - generally teachers approach you if they think there is a problem of any kind - and agree to meet you for an appointment if there is something you wnat to discuss with them. V few give running commentaries at pick-up time!

Truly - it sounds as if your expectations are bit OTT. Try to relax about it all and just let him get on with it. Apart fom anyhting else you will make him anxious if you are constantly quizzing the teacher about him.

alfiemama · 22/09/2008 18:40

I suppose I was just looking for reassurance from the teacher, she came up to me after the first day (full day as they did half days for a while) so I felt I had to check on his progress.

Touchwood he enjoys going, but its getting to the stage where I dread picking him up in case something else has happened, Is it possible that she may suggest taking him out. Im worried about the comment she made "but we will see how it goes"

OP posts:
alfiemama · 22/09/2008 18:45

Sorry just to point out I only asked her because she did come up to me, I was quite confident and pleased he was enjoying, I think the teachers expectations are high, not me, as he is only 4

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iamdingdong · 22/09/2008 18:51

my twins have just started too and I haven't asked how they're doing at all because I know they're happy from their behaviour - reception is about academic progress and I think that by constantly asking you may create problems where there aren't any. If he is happy leave him to it

Twiglett · 22/09/2008 18:54

you need to stop asking to be honest

there is nothing more infuriating than a daily check on how he's doing .. she will certainly tell you if there's any issues

this is the hardest stage .. the letting go and realising there are parts of your DS' life that are out of your control

if he's enjoying school and mixing well then that's fine .. forget the academics, they're not important .. it's the ability to socialise and follow group instructions and deal with school you're looking for

oh and DH saying he'll pull him out is really overprotective

iamdingdong · 22/09/2008 18:57

oops, that should read is not about academic progress slight difference!

Sanctuary · 22/09/2008 19:03

If there was an issue the teacher would be coming up to you notyou going to her.

Settling in takes some kids longer than others.

He is enjoying school and you are not having to drag him there every morning .And mixing with others.What more can you ask for
These are all positive(sp) things try to stop worrying

AbbeyA · 22/09/2008 19:15

If he is happy I think that is all you need to worry about at this stage. It takes them all a while to settle down. My DS2 has an August birthday and I think it took 2 terms. I would relax and stop asking the teacher about him-at least until half term. A week is far too early to make a difference.

kittywise · 22/09/2008 19:19

Yes, chill out please, you will drive the teacher up the wall. You need to let go a bit. You're not doing your ds any favours here.

Heated · 22/09/2008 19:50

'We'll have to see' imo is one of those catch-all comments that means I haven't made up my mind or reached any opinion yet when pushed for one, and he needs time to settle.

When they're at nursery you get used to daily feedback and it can be a hard habit to break!

Really empathise with your parental-pangs but you ds sounds like he's made a really positive start.

alfiemama · 22/09/2008 20:34

Hi everyone yes I agree and I wouldnt normally have asked, but Friday he had an accident and was sent home in the daftest pair of shorts, so had to ask ifykwim and today he had a sticker so again wanted to know what he had excelled in.

I agree it is hard letting go but I was willing to do this, but she keeps saying he is struggling, so she is making me worry

OP posts:
Heated · 22/09/2008 20:54

Ds (4) had an accident last week, adding to a day of woe. He was sooo upset and then when he got changed at the CMs into his play clothes he got laughed at by one of the girls.

Definitely don't ask the teacher about the stickers, whispers they're not for excelling, they all often get them .

Bide your time until parents' evening.

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