Really upset and need advice please

[alfiemama]

My ds was 4 in June and has just started School.

I keep asking the Teacher how is he doing, but she told me after one day that he seems overwhelmed by it all (,he only went to nursery from 3 and for two half days). Every day I ask how he is doing and every day, I am told he seems to be struggling more than the others, and we will have to see (god knows what that means).

Academically she hasn't told me anything and to be honest he seems ok with the work he is being set (the elephant with words like and, am, to etc) he picked this up after a day (my friends have told me their children couldn't do this for ages).

I am so desperately worried for him, I have to admit we spoilt him (he took us 5 years of trying and fertility treatment, which I have exp to teacher), she just keeps saying he doesn't respond to orders.

Ds is enjoying going to school and is mixing very well with the other children but dh is saying that if things haven't improved in a week we should pull him out, but then I know you shouldn't think this but how on earth would I be able to afford to send him to nursery for the time that is needed, and also he is enjoying it, it would break his and my heart.

The others are right: just hold back on the questioning and let him enjoy it; if he seems happy then he probably IS happy!

Stickers will be given out frequently right now I should think: he's only 4 - he doesn't need to "excel" in anything.

"We'll see" will almost certainly just mean "it's very early days; let's give him chance to settle before we make any judgements about anyone".

is she only saying he's struggling when you go and ask her how he's doing: or does she keep approaching you?

I would say honestly a bit of both, when he had accident, she explained he couldnt make it in time, just left it too late, and then said to be honest he is struggling, and then today I asked about the sticker and she said the same.

Just gonna take it with a pinch of salt and try and detatch myself, just hard really as I always think a 4 year olds place is in nursery not at school but hey ho.

Thanks everyone, you have made me put it into perspective, sorry if Ive been daft, ds hs always been a hard child (love him to bits tho lol) so I always knew he would struggle, just hard to accept when your told it

What is he struggling with, Alfiemama? Are there specific incidents that are causing you concern? You haven't mentioned anything on here that suggests that he is 'struggling' yet the teacher seems to have mentioned it twice.
Lots of reception children have difficulty 'fitting in' to the classroom routine at first - things like sitting quietly on the carpet, not talking when the teacher is talking etc are very common. Is it this sort of thing he is struggling with?

She just said that he isnt very good at taking orders (but surely what child is)and it was evident he hadnt been to nursery (he had for two half days a week)I can only think she means sitting on carpet, coat on hook etc.

I have just done his homework with him and Im not concerned at all about him academically, he can count to 20 and do the full alphabet, and read the to, am, I, a and and.
I do think though knowing what he is like, he doesnt listen very well and then gets himself flustered, then the more she will ask him the more flustered he will get, gets himself in a tizz.

I have just said to hubby that when its open eve we will ask her how he is doing academically and if she says not very well I will want to know why as he is showing us at home he is capable

it's not about academics in reception .. it isn't

ok maybe she meant 'taking instruction' but fumbled and said orders

you really really both need to step back and let him settle .. you're right

the fact that he's a much-wanted IVF baby has no bearing on this by the way .. all of us go through this learning curve with first child entering school .. it smarts .. but we learn .. step back and let the professionals do their jobs without getting a name for being a PITA overbearing parent .. be supportive and volunteer if you can to help out on school trips / in class with reading

but please remove the whole 'academics' from your heads .. he's 4 ..

Please don't even think about academic stuff -that's not what reception is for. It's for learning about going to school and finding the loo and dealing with your lunchbox and making friends and sharing and oh so much other stuff! It really, really isn't about learning to read and write and do sums - there's years ahead for that. If he's happy, and making friends and having a nice time that's exactly what he should be doing. A lot of them are still crying and clinging on to their mother's legs at this stage of the term!

thanks everyone, good advice as usual

I will emphasise what others have already said-don't even think of the academic side. Reception is about learning through play. If he is happy to go in and enjoys it you are well on the way!