DS only been in Reception for four days and has learnt a swear word!

[TheSweetLittleBunny]

Apparently another little child said it at his before school club. (The f-word) This child is also in his class and DS has become friends with him. TBH while I was overhearing a conversation between the child's mum (mum 3 kids, no parter, aged about 22!)and a friend I was secretly hoping that DS was not going to be friends with the boy and lo and behold ..... they are practically bessie mates

We never use such language in front of DS - and I can't even understand how anyone would do so to the extent that the child can repeat the word elsewhere.

DS is very bright but he loves being the centre of the action and attention, so is quite easily led, but he is not naughty, is very well mannered and well brought up. I am worried that DS is going to make friends with people that will distract him from his school work.

I had a similar situation with a girl at nursery, who DS formed a friendship with, and this caused lots of problems with DS behaviour at home. Thankfully we don't see her now - different schools.

I was a SAHM for nearly 5 years, and have put a lot of time and effort into DS, done lots with him, taken him to various activities, like music/drama, Tumbletots, football, swimming, we do lots of stuff together like crafts, making cakes, having a laugh - both DH and I.

I am so worried that all this will be undone because of other people's children, that for whatever reason may not have had that kind of input.

Am I worrying un-necessarily?

TSLB. It is difficult when your child goes out into the big bad world but as someone else said on her when they go to school they learn other things than reading and writing such as other people are not like us and some people behave in ways you would not be allowed to behave yourself. If your child has a good upbringing this is not 'undone' when your child mixes with other children who's families may not have the same morals or standards as yourself (good or bad).

For example my DS1 has just started yr 4 (he's 8). A new boy has just started in his class. I thought it a bit odd as he has moved from a v good school only about quarter of a mile away and I can't understand why he would have moved at this point?? Anyway all I've heard from DS1 is how naughty this boy is and how he is always getting into trouble in class. I started wondering if this child has been expelled from previous school??!! We were at a party at the weekend and soem of the boys commented that X was now the naughtiest boy in the school. It was clear from their conversation that they weren't impressed with his behaviour and this child was in fact a PITA. Didn't get to see the parents as they dropped him off and left which again i thought was a bit odd as if my son was new I would have wanted to make sure he settled in and meet some of the other parents. Plus it wasa go karting party and a lot of the other parents stayed to watch their DSs as most hadn't been before.

Anyway my son is mixed race and for the first time in his 8 and a half years he has been called a racist name and this was by X. My son did tell the teacher and it was dealt with. I think if anything else happens I will mention it to his teacher. However whilst I really want to protect my son I am proud that he handled it correctly as in life he will have deal with unpleasant people but he is secure enough to know that decent people don't behave in this way.

I remember my son aged six going on about 'the F word'. He said it's a word you mustn't say but you spell it eff, yoo, crly kuh, kicking kuh!

Totally agree Cory.

Love that story fortyplus!!!

Cory and Grumpalina - you are both so right. And yes I do feel that I need to relax a little bit, and trust my son a bit more, and trust the teachers/childcare to do their bit too.

DS like any other 4 yo can be naughty too - I have seen him in action - but not in a nasty way or disruptive. Gosh I don't want to be one of those "after all I've done for you" mums and I can see your point, Cory how my post may have come across - but I guess the nuance of what I was trying to articulate was lost between my "not had coffee yet" brain and my fingers at 6.00 in the morning

I am so overprotective of DS, and you're SO right, I tend to see things that happen outside, especially negative things, as a threat, rather than as a learning experience. I am going to work on this.

to say I only clicked on to this thread because DS has picked up this word from me (and I'm a very diligent parent really, honest!) and was excited to see that I could blame one week of school for it.

I think you are all being a bit harsh here. Having your child start school and go into a different environment is stressful for the parent and child. All we as parents want is the best for our children. We have to be realistic that there are influences outside of the home and hope that the foundations we have given our children allow them to make sound decisions about how the deal with situations. My DD started school last week and has already been teased. I feel sick to my stomach to think about it but she needs to learn how to deal with it.

I completly empathise but think the sentiments re not judging your childrens friends are helpful.

Message withdrawn

Don't worry, Bunny, it does get easier! Honestly it does! When they're only little it's almost impossible to envisage them as independent people growing into responsible adults, but gradually as they mature you start getting glimpses of how it's going to happen and that is a reassuring feeling.

My eldest is now nearly 12 and looking back I am amazed at how many of the transitions that I had been worrying about just happened naturally, because when the crunch came she was ready. She has gone through some pretty traumatic times, due to disability and medical cock-ups, but every time something new hits her, I can see how my part of the burden becomes proportionally less because she is ready to take more of it on herself. Of course I'll always worry about her (I'm her Mum! that's my job!), but I no longer feel that everything is up to me to sort out, or that every time things go pear-shaped I am failing her. Any more than I think my Mum is failing me every time life gets tough. It is quite reassuring. And I still have 6 or 7 years to exercise my beneficial (if only!) influence at close hand.

But starting school is one of the big transitions in life and it is only natural that you should worry.

What I wanted to say was that every time dd (or ds) copes with something difficult in life, I feel reassured because I know they will have learnt something that will help them next time. If you resist the desire to keep repeating bad words in Reception, once you have been told they are wrong, hopefully you will be better armed to turn down that fag in Year 6.

And I am gradually learning which parts I need to deal actively with (bullying, for instance) and which parts to leave well alone (fallings-out among pre-adolescent girls being a case in point, or minor disagreements with the teacher). But it all takes time to get your bearings.

Forty years ago, when I started school, my Dad came home from work and said 'What did you learn at school today, Stella?' I sweetly replied 'Fuck off, Daddy.'
He whacked me across the face, then we both burst into tears. He realised immediately of course that I was just telling him what I had learnt from my new friends - but obviously it was a bit of a shock for him.
You just need to establish the boundaries between home and school - my children have heard every word there is, but they have never used them at home because it is not what we do.

Congratulations! Isn't it lovely when they pick up a new skill....

Please try not to worry too much. Swearing is something that most children try out at sometime - as long as your boy isn't swearing like a trooper infront of granny. You can continue to make it clear you don't like it even if it's going on elsewhere. Once they are at school there are other influences at work, and some of those might not be as positive as you would like. But it's part of growing up.

Wait til he starts doing armpit farts........

That's life. You will have to get used to it.

We teach em that they will have to learn to talk differently in different settings: school and grandparents, one language; at home, another; with friends, another entirely which I really don't want to know about...

Wait until he starts going to football matches with his Dad, then you will know the true meaning of blue language!

DS (8) was in with the away supporters at a London club at the weekend, and he already knew the f-word from school, but he doesn't say it ...he came away from the match singing (to the tune of 'Bread of Heaven'):

"Your support is
your support is
Your support is fking shiiiiiiit
Your support is fking shit"

so eloquent

I tried to teach mine the concept of "appropriateness" from very early. There are things you can say at home, at school, in a shop, in front of one grandma, in front of the other, when you're grown up, NEVER! They seem to grasp it quite quickly, but it does mean that if a "bad word" slips out from your mouth, you have a finger wagging 4 year old saying "Mummy, that's not "propriate!"

I am feeling a lot more relaxed about this now. It was just the whole of it together with dealing this transition into school. I'm glad he's finally going to school and I have taken away a lot of good advice from this thread, and had a few laughs too

Welcome here TSLB - not sure if this is one of your first threads or not (I am a bit forgetful about names I see here) but welcome anyway.

My DS thinks the words "fart" and "bugger" are hilarious at the moment

Am trying NOT to over-react to him. He no longer says "f**king hell" (thank goodness emoticon).

DS once came out of school looking so pleased and proud that I thought he'd been awarded the much-prized Headteacher Sticker for ggod work. 'Did something special happen at school.' I asked with bursting heart.

Eyes shinng, he replied 'Yes! I learnt the word that is even worse than the f-word.'

I know DS knows that word; he just knows not to mention it in front of me.

Especially when there are cunts around.

Do you really expect empathy when you post things like "(mum 3 kids, no parter, aged about 22!)"

Perhaps it was the first time he'd ever said it? My parents always swore in front of us at home but we were told that they were words just for grown ups in the same way that we weren't allowed to smoke, drink or drive cos they were adult things.

How will you taking him to various activities be undone? You took him because he enjoyed it and it was something to do instead of staying at home all day, yes? That's in the past now so how is him saying a swear word undoing the fun you and he had together at those things? (my baffled face!)

In reception they don't exactly do much work to be distracted from and they have a new best mate every week so I wouldn't worry about that.

Try home schooling I have heard awful things come out of childrens mouths it does not mean that the parents have taught them to there children.

Your very stuck up why did u point out that your a SAHM is it because ur assuming that bad children are from homes where mothers work

Nappyaddict and 2beornot, you are way too late. The OP has already acknowledged the problems with the first post and talked about dealing with her fears- where is the point of bashing into her now?

Sometimes I feel with Mumsnet there is no point in seeing the error of your ways because you're still going to get bashed by people who are too laze to read the whole thread.

I repeat: the OP has already apologised for coming across as judgey- what more can she do?

Oh FGS, is it not time we stopped getting at the OP yet? She has explained where she was coming from in her OP, and has even acknowledged that she is a little over-protective and needs to do something about that. Thank god for balanced posts from the likes of Cory, which really put some of the others to shame. Sometimes I despair of Mumsnet as it seems to be the place to come if you just want any old excuse for a scrap.

Cory, you sound lovely and I would welcome advice from you at any time, on any topic! Do you do agony-aunting for a living?! You should.....