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Advice please, ds's new teacher has just made him cry.............

51 replies

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 04/09/2008 12:13

Ds is 4 and 1 month.

He has been back at school for 5 days.

I have just collected him for lunch, when I arrived outside his classroom, he was in the toilet for aaaaaaaages.

When he came out he was very red eyed and I think had probably been crying for some time.

His teacher came out too and said 'We've had lots of trouble with ds this morning, he ran in the classroom, and I had to shout at him and make him cry' (make him cry wtf )

She then rolled her eyes at me and then went back inside.

I am quite prepared to accept running is not on in a classroom, and that he needed to be told off, but ds is not particually sensitive and he cried all the way home, so I am a bit about whether the telling off was a bit OTT.

He also doesn't want to go back. (though he is obviously)

So am I being precious? Should I say anything? What? I don't want to antagonize her this early in the year (or ever, really).

Opinions please.

OP posts:
MerlinsBeard · 04/09/2008 12:14

She HAD to shout at him to MAKE him cry?

When you take him back ask her why she needed to make him cry?thats just cruel!!

Uriel · 04/09/2008 12:16

I think you should ask her how she intends to help ds settle in.

masalachameleon · 04/09/2008 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheProvincialLady · 04/09/2008 12:17

Are you sure she didn't say "Had to shout at him and (it) made him cry?"

Either way though it is completely unacceptable. She should not be shouting at him. She should not be rolling her eyes at you. Speak to her about it again and if it is not resolved to your complete satisfaction complain to the head, and that is not a thing I say lightly.

MascaraOHara · 04/09/2008 12:17

get it sorted.. ask exactly what happened. tell her you don't appreciate her attitutde (the making him cry, rolling her eyes etc). Ask her is she'd tried simply telling him running wasn't allowed.

You don't want him being 'put off' school before he's even out of reception.

Rolling eyes is not acceptible.. nor is leaving a child in a toilet to cry (assuming that's what has happened)

Smee · 04/09/2008 12:18

Can't believe she actually said that. Surely no teacher should ever actively want to make a child cry. I can see what you're worried about in terms of antagonising, but I'd say something, definitely - her attitude's outrageous.

MmeLindt · 04/09/2008 12:18

Making him cry. Is that how she believes that he will learn to do what he is told? If she has made him cry then he will not run in the classroom again.

I can understand you not wanting to go in with your guns blazing in fear of antagonising her so early in the school year. He is awful young, no wonder he is so upset.

Did he tell you about running in the classroom? What did he say? Does he like his teacher normally?

MascaraOHara · 04/09/2008 12:18

xposts with everyone lol

FAQ · 04/09/2008 12:20

definitely speak to her again - not on

Living next door to the infant school - with several of the classrooms literally the other side of my garden wall I hear lots of goings on - particulary with the reception children.

I've lived here 4yrs now - and in that time yes I've heard the teachers raise their voice to the children - not what I would describe as "shouting" though - and certainly not enough to make children cry (although have heard lots of crying "she took it off me" "he hit me" etc etc) and even then it's only been after being repteadly told/asked to do something.

masalachameleon · 04/09/2008 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 04/09/2008 13:01

Thanks everyone, after your replies I have spoken to her and the conversation went as follows- She began by greeting my son as 'hello wobbly ds' .

I pointed out (calmly and reasonably) that I thought she should know that ds had cried all the way home, and for part of his lunch break and that I wasn't happy that she had made him cry.

She responded with the following-

'Oh for goodness sake' (to the crying, as in 'stupid child')

'I never get angry, and rarely shout, but when I do I am loud, and they do tend to be scared'

'he was running and dancing in the classroom and was a danger to others'

'he was running and dancing when he should have been tidying up, how else could I stop him?' (he is 4 ffs, not 14)

I am so

I don't feel I can say any more this time, I have told ds that he was wrong to run in the classroom, but that his teacher was wrong to shout at him and scare him, but maybe she was just having a bad day.

Really hoping that this doesn't happen again. He loved school last year.

Look out for my next thread AIBU To have slapped my ds's teacher for being a smug, callous, twat?

Oooh that helped a bit.

OP posts:
herbietea · 04/09/2008 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BroccoliSpears · 04/09/2008 13:10

What a horrid woman. Sorry you've got off to a rotten start. I think that she sounds crap, but your son is stuck with her so your priority (however much it grates) should be to get on an even keel with her. Not sure what would be appropriate, but the last thing you want is for your little boy to be her bugbear for the year.

MascaraOHara · 04/09/2008 13:12

She said "oh for goodenss sake" Fark me! I would have told her not to speak to me like that. how disimissive and rude.. particularly coupled with the eye rolling.

Why did she call your son 'wobbly ds', I would have pulled her up on that as well.

She sounds hideous

MmeLindt · 04/09/2008 13:16

Sounds like you need to keep a good eye on her, she sounds terrible.

Even if she has had a bad day, it is her job to keep the kids in line without shouting at them.

Helsbels4 · 04/09/2008 13:18

Ah your poor DS! Did he actually know that he wasn't allowed to dance or run in the class? They're so little and they forget - after all they run around at home whenever they feel the urge! A supply teacher once told my DS off for running in the class - although I'm not sure how you run with all the tables scattered everywhere - and he has had a strong dislike for her ever since! I'd keep an eye on things if I were you and take it further should anything else happen that you are not happy with.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 04/09/2008 13:19

Bitch (teacher, obv)

Your poor love.

My daughter started reception last year also aged 4 and 1 month and I had to give permission for her to be cuddled if she cried.

No way would I let that woman say anything like that to my child again.

There is a lot to be scared about when you are so small at school but your teacher isn't meant to be one of them.

MatNanPlus · 04/09/2008 13:20

I would book an appointment with the Head, that is poor communication on her part to you and a dismal attitude to your DS.

NoblesseOblige · 04/09/2008 13:21

no advice, just much sympathy. dd1 has a new (for her) teacher who, it is common knowledge "has to lose her temper a lot."

after hearing about ds on my other thread will be doing the school run today with much trepidation...

Marina · 04/09/2008 13:24

Ds suffered from having a mean, sarcastic teacher last year. She was very clever - it was almost impossible to complain about her without sounding petty and precious, but more assertive parents than I did, and she was let go after a string of complaints about her harshness and inappropriate teaching methods. At the time, the school seemed not to be dealing with the issue in that the complainers were told that there was not considered to be a problem with the teaching standards . But then we heard she was leaving and we knew enough about her views on life to know that there was no way she resigned.
You've raised the matter with this woman and had what sounds like an unacceptable response...I would put your concerns in writing to a letter to the head and ask to make an appointment to discuss them.
Massive sympathies. We are still dealing with ds' diminished confidence and lack of pleasure in school this year, even though the woman has left...and he is nine, not four

SoupDragon · 04/09/2008 13:24

Now, I'm not defending her attitude (which is appalling) but there really isn't a lot they can do if a child won't listen to them. They can't grab them by the arm and force them to sit down, shouting is pretty much the only option left.

Smee · 04/09/2008 13:28

Do you know any of the other parents? Have they had similar experiences?? I'd try and get the ear of others, as even she admits your lo's not the only one she's yelled at. Then if it does keep happening, you might be able to get a few people to collectively speak to her. Surely then she/ the school, would have to listen.

Marina · 04/09/2008 13:31

On balance I'd agree with you Soupy (dd's class is blessed with a number of exceptionally lively little boys ) but the whole picture that Wherethewildthingsare paints of this teacher suggests to me that her little ds could be on the way to a bad year (obv. I hope not).
We got the desired outcome at our school in that ds' teacher will not be undermining any more eight year olds - she is believed to have left teaching altogether - but I think a lot of us wish we had acted more directly on our initial nagging doubt about things this woman said and did. I really regret it now. Am normally Perfect Parent with regards to home-school partnership, but sometimes you get a real lemon.

bozza · 04/09/2008 13:32

'I never get angry, and rarely shout, but when I do I am loud, and they do tend to be scared'

I see what you are saying soupie, but the above in the first week??

TheCrackFox · 04/09/2008 13:32

A lot of the schools in Edinburgh now have a no shouting policy. The teacher sounds like she is in the wrong job if she is shouting at 4 year olds. But then don't get me started on the ludicrousness of 4 year olds in formal education.

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