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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Advice please, ds's new teacher has just made him cry.............

51 replies

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 04/09/2008 12:13

Ds is 4 and 1 month.

He has been back at school for 5 days.

I have just collected him for lunch, when I arrived outside his classroom, he was in the toilet for aaaaaaaages.

When he came out he was very red eyed and I think had probably been crying for some time.

His teacher came out too and said 'We've had lots of trouble with ds this morning, he ran in the classroom, and I had to shout at him and make him cry' (make him cry wtf )

She then rolled her eyes at me and then went back inside.

I am quite prepared to accept running is not on in a classroom, and that he needed to be told off, but ds is not particually sensitive and he cried all the way home, so I am a bit about whether the telling off was a bit OTT.

He also doesn't want to go back. (though he is obviously)

So am I being precious? Should I say anything? What? I don't want to antagonize her this early in the year (or ever, really).

Opinions please.

OP posts:

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sinkingfast · 04/09/2008 13:34

WTWWW, so sorry your DS has had such a rubbish start. Agree with other posters that a visit to the Head would not be out of place as you've had such a rubbish reponse.

Marina, ds had a dreadful year in Y3 with terrible teachers who couldn't control the class and really didn't want to be there. he became totally demotivated and never spoke about school at all . They also used to shout non-stop at the whole class. However, in Y4 he had a great teacher and came home bubbling most days full of what they'd been doing. So don't despair

Marina · 04/09/2008 13:37

That's good to hear sinkingfast I hope it's the same for mine, he has a great teacher this year whom we know quite well.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I so hope wherethewildthingsare's son finds school improves for him lots very soon - or that something can be done about his teacher, if this is her usual modus operandi.

moosemama · 04/09/2008 13:37

Has your school got some guidelines for complaints. Ours have got them on the website (albeit very well hidden). They should have, you could try asking at the office.

When there is a problem we are advised to go to the teacher first and if we are not happy with the response go and see the head.

We had to do this when DS1 was in reception. A problem that had been ongoing for a couple of weeks, with no help from his teacher, resulting in a very unhappy little boy was sorted within an hour of us seeing the head.

I would make an appointment to see the head and approach things as wanting to work together to sort a problem rather than going in all guns blazing.

It worked for us.

Marina · 04/09/2008 13:39

moosemama is right - much better to meet the head with an open mind and with problem resolution top of the agenda. But I really would get your marker down just in case that teacher habitually shouts at and scares four year olds.

PoorOldEnid · 04/09/2008 13:42

she sounds really unkind. I know dh and I would be talking about moving after that!

I don't know how the reception teacher at dds school does it

she has them all in line after the first day

no shouting or 'golden rules' or naughty charts

they just do it

PoorOldEnid · 04/09/2008 13:43

marina dd1 is suffering going into year 4 as well

I need a school that nurtures sensitive little souls who are sporty and dreamy [sigh]

Marina · 04/09/2008 13:43

The wonderful Reception teacher ds and dd had was the same, Enid. She just exuded calm. And she didn't mind bouncy boys either, although she could control them beautifully when needed.

PoorOldEnid · 04/09/2008 13:45

she is superb with bouncy boys AND goody goody priggish rule-abiding girls (dd2 )

Marina · 04/09/2008 13:45

Ds was in floods after the first day enid. I do hope your dd1 finds it easier as the term goes on, I think it is normal to find the move up a year unsettling, it's just that some feel it more keenly than others. Dd is mostly obsessed with the fact that she gets two snack times a day in Yr1. She has a rhino hide, lucky girl.

PoorOldEnid · 04/09/2008 13:50

lolololol dd2 is the same. Delighted that she has a moon on her name peg and her Nemesis charlotte only has a lighthouse

dd1 was also in tears last night and this morning. She refused to get out of bed. Then came down for breakfast and welled up, running upstairs. The mood was lightened by me sitting on her bed and talking to a lump under the duvet which I assumed was her - very loving, encouraging words for 10 minutes. Then she came in and saw me talking to her stuffed horse

BroccoliSpears · 04/09/2008 13:59

Oh Enid that's funny!

Original poster

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 04/09/2008 14:16

Thanks again all.

I don't want to talk to the head at this point, as I don't want to antagonize his teacher.

But I am not happy with her attitude at all.

Soupdragon I understand that she may have felt that shouting was her only option, but I feel she could have handled ds and myself so much better.

ie: by saying she was sorry that she had mabe him cry, and generally being nicer, brushing me off and rolling her eyes is just not good enough imo.

OP posts:

bozza · 04/09/2008 14:17

enid - well if you will listen to MN advice and buy over-sized stuffed animals......

PoorOldEnid · 04/09/2008 14:18

bloody pph has a lot to answer for

Umlellala · 04/09/2008 14:19

What a cow! Sounds like she is in the wrong job.
I taught some very tough kids in challenging secondary schools (mainstream and PRU - so excluded kids) and rarely needed (or lost it enough) to shout. And when I did - and the kids responded-, I tended to apologise and explain that I shouted because I was SO angry or because they had not listened. If a child cried, it's not great - I would always comfort/apologise as necessary (although not excusing their behaviour). It is possible to be nice and firm, y'know.

to shout and be proud of it at a 4 year old. Yuk.

Umlellala · 04/09/2008 14:26

PS In response to poster who said there is nothing you can do except shout - there are lots of things you can do to get kids to do what you want... shouting usually just creates an atmosphere of noise and mayhem, when what she was after (presumably) was calm and quiet.

IN a child-running-about-and-not-tidying-up situation, she could have (off the top of my head - and I have worked with 4/5yo as well as secondary):
*given a countdown for everyone to be back in seats
*asked for him to go and get something specific (tidying up instruction may have been too vague)
*started a follow-me game hands on heads/clapping/jumping etc.

Tortington · 04/09/2008 14:27

the way she has since handled your concerns is dreadful. of course non of us can know how things really went down in the classroom, and its not just your child but the whole class that has to see that certain behaviours are not acceptable.

i think you have done exactly the right thing by speaking to her - she knows you will pick her up on things you are not happy about - and this should make her stop and think. Even if she only thinks - oh ffs WTWTW will be in with an earful if i do xxx - rahter than a steady heanded approach.

i also think you are right to wait to see how things pan out - if you ae unhappy about things its often hard to complain on the spur - especiially if it is an emotive subject - suchas your child.

i suggest next time you write some points down on a piece of paper - so as not to be side tracked with shitty answers and eye rolling.

there is an assertiveness tool called " the broken record" just simply repeat your question in the same steady tone until its answered.

She has actually given you a great gift. you have made yourself know as an interested parent - concerned about her child - one she will note in future. You have also encountered her formally - giving you an excellent chance to handle things diferently in future to get the responses you need - although i do hope it doesn't come to that.

sorry its been a shit time for your poor lad

critterjitter · 04/09/2008 14:29

How experienced is this teacher? 'Had' to shout? Sounds like 'chose' to shout.

MatNanPlus · 04/09/2008 22:37

Sounds like must shout to me, i really would report after the very next incident and listen to playground chatter to see if opther parents have concerns.

branflake81 · 05/09/2008 18:38

I think the teacher has done nothing wrong.Kids are naughty, teachers shout, sometimes they get upset. That's how it works, right? I think you're being a bit precious.

MatNanPlus · 05/09/2008 21:20

a professional who is doing exactly what the children aren't to do...that makes perfect sense am sure 4YO children can make the distinction.

pudding25 · 06/09/2008 13:31

I am a yr 1 teacher. I think her behaviour is disgraceful. FFS, it is his first week in school! Even if he was running riot in the classroom, there are other ways of dealing with this. Even if she did have to raise her voice to him (which is a possibility if he would not stop running and dancing), the way she spoke to you was dreadful. If he did cry because she was talking loudly, she should have taken him aside and explained the class rules. In fact, a good teacher would have gone through class rules at the beginning.
They are babies when they start school and they cannot be expected from day 1 to know what is what. No, her should not have been running and dancing around the classroom but he probably did not even realise this.

Why oh why are so many teachers so crap at dealing not only with kids, but with parents.

pudding25 · 06/09/2008 13:36

As someone else said, there are tons of other ways to get little ones to stop messing around without shouting.

I would have a word with the teacher and tell her you are not pleased with the way she spoke to you and if she is still rude, speak to the head. Definitely go to the teacher first. For all you know, she may just have been having a dreadful day (although she still should not take it out on the kids) and apologise profusely. I know that I would always want a parent to come to me firsr before going to the head (but then again, I think I am a really nice, caring teacher who would try and accomodate any reasonable requests!).

compo · 06/09/2008 13:39

'He loved school last year'

I'm confused? Is it his first week of reception or is he in yr 1?

cornsilk · 06/09/2008 13:45

maybe the op means nursery attached to the school?
I think shouting at 4 year olds is awful.
Am a teacher and am also guilty of shouting in the juniors but really try to avoid it as it creates a horrible atmosphere. Rolling her eyes at a parent is very rude and unprofessional.

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