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Residenitial holidays - how to handle the fact that you just can't afford it?

46 replies

Eponine · 25/06/2008 20:06

DD (Y4) has brought home details of next year's residential trip. They get the opportunity to go in Y5 and/or Y6 but a lot do both.

The letter emphasises about how very much the children get from the trips re confidence; learning to live/work together, sense of achievement etc. They want a £50 deposit by next week (!), another £100 by Sept and the rest (another £200) by September. I have been wracking my brains trying to think of how this is doable for us but it really isn't. DD wants to go but now she knows it's £350 is obviously saying she doesn't.

I used to hide these letters so my parents never found out about them until it was too late as there was no way they could ever afford for me to go on them. But I remember how it felt when most of my year was away on holiday. I wanted better for my kids and I feel really crap about it.

Ironically she moved schools earlier this year to one in a better area and the downside is that most parents at this school wouldn't blink at the cost. The children who don't get to go (DD says it amounts to about 5 out of the two whole years although it's a one-class intake so only two classes) get to wear own clothes that week and do "fun things" in school but it's a poor substitute isn't it.

Poor old DD misses out on lots of stuff in lots of ways - sometimes it feels as if the well-off kids get all the fun and don't even realise how lucky they are. There's no such thing as equality really.

Are there any other Mners who have had to let their children down like I'm going to have let DD down? How did you handle it?

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aGalChangedHerName · 25/06/2008 20:08

Won't the school help you with the costs at all??

I am sure they do at ours.

GrapefruitMoon · 25/06/2008 20:10

Will there be a similar trip in Year6? If so, maybe you could say she can't go in Year 5 but you will try hard for Year 6 - and start saving/raising the money now. I know some parents at our school cut back on birthday presents, etc for things like this.... You would obviously need to discuss this with her but would it be possible to ask relatives for money instead of presents for her next couple of birthdays?

QueenMeabhOfConnaught · 25/06/2008 20:11

Our school lets you pay in monthly installments - ds2's trip was £400 but they spread it over 10 months to make it manageable. Could you ask the school about this?

GrapefruitMoon · 25/06/2008 20:11

Yes ours did monthly installments of £50

MandMand · 25/06/2008 20:13

Could you have a quiet word with a teacher and explain your situation? I'm sure the school wouldn't want a child who genuinely wanted to go on the trip to have to be left behind just because the parents couldn't afford it. They may have a fund that could subsidise it for you, or at least agree to let you pay by installments over a longer period. Its worth asking.

nell12 · 25/06/2008 20:14

The council were able to subsidise trips for children whose parents were on income support at the last state school I worked at... there is no harm in asking

LaDiDaDi · 25/06/2008 20:16

I would try to find ou how much she really wants to go.

Would she be prepared to forgo pocket money? Does the trip fall anywhere near her bday? Could you save now for next year?

Another thought is, how would saving to let your dd go on this trip affect any other children? I think it is reasonable that your dd should not get little extras so that she can go on the trip but not for siblings to do without. I also think you need to consider carefully if you would be able to afford to do the same for other children in the future.

2gorgeousboys · 25/06/2008 20:16

Our school lets you start paying the year before they go to spread out the cost (although as most of the parents have lots of money they don't need to!) and the letters says that if you would struggle for your child to go to speak to the teacher and they will help out.

I do think that expecting £50 by the end of the next week is tough - I would struggle to find that (especially this time of year with hols etc)

Can you speak to her teacher and see if they can help if you pay what you can towards it?

newgirl · 25/06/2008 20:31

definitely talk to the teacher - our pta pays for children to go on trips - if yours is generally a well-off school i bet this is the case.

i think these things are huge for kids and it is definitely time to talk to the teacher about it and do all you can to make it happen. best of luck

Eponine · 25/06/2008 20:32

I think I will grit my teeth and ask about any subsidising possibilties. I will hate it though.

They are already spreading the cost.. £50 by next week.. another £100 by Sept and the rest by next year's Spring term. But we are on income support/disability benefits and I think there would probably be something wrong with the system if we could afford this instalment arrangement.

Family aren't well off either otherwise I'd ask for a little whip round to help. She only gets £4 a fortnight pocket money so I can't see that helping.

I am tempted to placate her with "you can go in Y6 instead.." but I know our circumstances are unlikely to have changed by then. In the future they will (I'm doing a degree.. I'm going to get a decent job.. we won't be like this forever) but for the foreseeable future nothing's going to change.

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sarah293 · 25/06/2008 20:34

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Eponine · 25/06/2008 20:34

Newgirl they DO have a large/active PTA but everyone else seems so well off that they probably don't have to deal with these kinds of requests. Trust me to land on their school and be the "first"!

Sometimes I just at the humiliation of it all.

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stitch · 25/06/2008 20:38

four pounds a fortnight is a third of the amount already.a hundred pounds
perhaps family could come up with another fifty as birthday presents?
talk to thehead, if they have an equal ops policy at the school, then they have to take her. the head may also be able to dip into the pta pot of money discretely.

stitch · 25/06/2008 20:39

i know my kids school pta woudl be able to subsidise this. but, i woldnt want the rest of thepta knowing about our financial situation.so speak to the head.

Eponine · 25/06/2008 20:41

It does say at the end of the letter (from the Head).."if you have any questions at all about the visit please do not hesitate in coming to see me".

Perhaps that's what she is inplying but not in so many words?

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twinsetandpearls · 25/06/2008 20:44

If you are on benefits you may find there is a pool of money to dip into. Usually looked after children have priority in accessing that money but it is worth asking.

$50 by next week is most unreasonable and I would let the head and governers know this.

Eponine · 25/06/2008 20:49

It is a bit isn't it? But then I don' suppose most of the families would have a problem with this so perhaps they don't realise.

The Head is lovely; very approachable. I will go and have a chat

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LaDiDaDi · 25/06/2008 20:50

Definitely save her pocket money.

RustyBear · 25/06/2008 20:51

There are charities that will help out with things like this - I work at a junior school & have seen several parents get help. Some of the money comes from a local charity, but I think there's at least one national one - I'll ask our bursar tomorrow

Eponine · 25/06/2008 20:51

Twinset I agree looked-after children shoulf have priority - at least DD has a loving family life even if we are are all a bit scatty, chaotic and argumentative at times!

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AMumInScotland · 25/06/2008 21:27

I would hope that they might be able to help out since you are on benefits.

But another possible worry is whether they would need anything like special clothing or similar for the trip? My DH was just reading over my shoulder and it reminded him of a school geography trip his mum scrimped and saved to send him on, but he didn't have decent shoes or waterproofs or anything.

stitch · 25/06/2008 21:31

he probly will need extrs stuff. ds's trip cost 240. and we then needed to get him walking shoes, which were anoter 33. he could have got away with wellies, but when he wore his cheap wellies on a scout hiking trip, they hurt his foot too much. so i thought the 33 were worth it.
he also needed a new kagoule, and waterprrof trousers, but since those were things he needed anyways, i wasnt too bothered.

the head will have discretion. talk to her.

paolosgirl · 25/06/2008 21:42

School trips are my absolute bugbear - state schools are supposed to be inclusive, and yet these things are anything but. DS's school has just asked for £300 for 3 days residential trip to an outward bound centre 1.5hrs up the road, which is a ridiclous amount of money. I did complain, but I think I was one of a tiny minority.

choccypig · 25/06/2008 21:58

A quiet word with the school office is worth a try. There should be a fund in the school for this sort of thing. And don't feel embarrassed about it. Lots of us have been in the same situation.

Eponine · 25/06/2008 22:04

Thanks.

I'll talk to her tomorrow and let you know.

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