Residenitial holidays - how to handle the fact that you just can't afford it?

[Eponine]

DD (Y4) has brought home details of next year's residential trip. They get the opportunity to go in Y5 and/or Y6 but a lot do both.

The letter emphasises about how very much the children get from the trips re confidence; learning to live/work together, sense of achievement etc. They want a £50 deposit by next week (!), another £100 by Sept and the rest (another £200) by September. I have been wracking my brains trying to think of how this is doable for us but it really isn't. DD wants to go but now she knows it's £350 is obviously saying she doesn't.

I used to hide these letters so my parents never found out about them until it was too late as there was no way they could ever afford for me to go on them. But I remember how it felt when most of my year was away on holiday. I wanted better for my kids and I feel really crap about it.

Ironically she moved schools earlier this year to one in a better area and the downside is that most parents at this school wouldn't blink at the cost. The children who don't get to go (DD says it amounts to about 5 out of the two whole years although it's a one-class intake so only two classes) get to wear own clothes that week and do "fun things" in school but it's a poor substitute isn't it.

Poor old DD misses out on lots of stuff in lots of ways - sometimes it feels as if the well-off kids get all the fun and don't even realise how lucky they are. There's no such thing as equality really.

Are there any other Mners who have had to let their children down like I'm going to have let DD down? How did you handle it?

Eponine, have you tried a bit of Googling to see if you might get a grant or bursary from anywhere?

I don't know what part of the country you are in, but a general search threw up a few websites:

grants for various things

connexions direct

trusts in Scotland who give grants to students

perhaps none of these are any use, but they might give you some ideas.

Don't forget to ask on MN for any equipment she might need like waterproof trousers, a backpack, etc.

You need to go and speak to the Head about this, they will have funds set aside to ensure all the children who want to go can do. Please don't be embarrassed about it, it's confidential and thats what its there for

All schools are supposed (I think) to have a policy on charging for trips, specifying what will be charged for, what won't and what arrangements will be made for children whose families receive income support or family credit. Some schools provide free places for those children - or remit the board and lodging element of the cost - and build that into the price of the trip.

Ask to see the school's policy and ask what arrangements they are making for children whose families can't afford the full cost of the trip. If it looks as though your child might be excluded because you cannot afford the trip, ring your local education authority for advice. Does your LEA have a parents' advocacy service or similar? They too might be able to help.

I know our HT would prefer to find a fund for a child rather than a child with a genuine reason not to be able to pay miss out. It probably happens more often than you realise - everyone's obviously discreet about it - and asking for financial help for this shouldn't be at all embarrassing. The school will try to help I'm sure. If you need kit nearer the time I'm sure people on here would help - with 3 who've already been through the trips and 2 in scouts I have more outdoor stuff in every size than Milletts that I haven't got round to sorting and I'm sure there are many many non- declutterers like me.
Dd2's sec school has a good system - am paying for a ski trip in 2010 and installments are less than the child benefit during term time. Letter also makes it clear that if you are paying installments for more than one trip at a time and need to arrange longer / different payment terms it can be easily organised. I noticed it was worded in quite an inclusive way. Of course I'm so scatty I forget when to send the cheque in anyway so rely on dd to tell me!

If there are other children who are not going, then your dd won't be on her own. It's one week away and I don't believe that it makes that much difference. Of course, the school is shouting about the benefits, it doesn't mean you have to believe them. If she was the only one not going then I'd be concerned but as she's not, I wouldn't get too worked up about it.

Sounds as though your dd is sensible in weighing up the cost against possible benefits to her.

None of my children have gone on the expensive ski trips with school. They also think it's a ridiculous waste of money. While it might be nice to go, it's not essential and there will be plenty of opportunities when they get older to holiday with friends if that's what they want to do.

Don't view it as letting her down. It's about making choices and it sounds as though your dd understands that.

I have a letter here about my DS's school trip. It's £160 for two nights which I thought was bad enough so I would be horrified at having to find £350.

Anyway the letter says "Reduced payments are available for families in receipt of free school meals and income support or working tax credit".

I would have thought that all schools must have similar arrangements. It's definitely worth asking.

you are doing the right thing talking to the head - you honestly wont be the first or the last.

i cant think of a better way to spend pta funds than on giving kids these fantastic opportunities

I sympathise eponine. It's a worry. One of the upsides of going to a school in a 'poor area' is that the school trips are pared to a minimum. DS#1 went on a PGL trip last October that cost just over 100 and was fantastic. They used to do it at the end of yr 6 but it got too expensive so they moved it to the beginning when no-one else wanted to go. Cut the price by 2/3rds. He is going on a camping trip in his first term at secondary school which will cost £50 which is reasonably affordable.

The 'good' school in our town recently arranged a skiing trip to the states that cose the best part of a grand. The logic escaped me. Why America? You could ski in Europe at a fraction of the cost and be submerged in a different language too. Snob value I suspect

I think speaking to the head is a good idea. He/she needs to know that cost is an issue for some parents.

you certainly won't be the first to have problems finding this amount of money - and your school and/or PTA almost certainly will have a contingency fund to help children like your DD go on the trip - the last thing the head will want is for the school to feel like it's split between the haves and the have-nots

Have asked our bursar - the charities that contributed to parents' costs last year were local ones, but one of them was the Lions club - so it might be worth contacting your local branch.

You must speak to the head.
I know someone who is till paying for their childs PGL trip in year 6 (stonking £360 ) and the child has moved on to high school now.

Yes this is a PGL trip. Apparently it has gone up £30 from "last" (this) year - they only got back last week but the deposit for next year's has to be paid in a fortnight hence the deadline for the £50 per child.

I spoke to her. She was lovely. She said if she had her way it wouldn't be being offered to Y5s at all but that there is great demand for it and that lots of parents choose to send their children two years in a row which she thinks is extravagant and uneccessary.

What she advised me to do was to send back the slip ticking the "no" (my child won't be coming) box and then add a note as to why with a little about our specific circumstances. She says this will allow her deal with in an indiviudal way and it can all be done confidentially. She didn't make any promises and obvuiously I don't have very high hopes but it's nice that she wants to try to help.

Juuule I get what you are saying and the logic in it but in this particular school we are talking a handful of children out of 50+ so those that don't go really are in the minority. And actually I do believe all that blurb about the benefits of going. A few years ago I went on a similar trip to the Lakes with a Y6 group and I saw the benefits for myself. I went in the role of school governor/helper but also to handle the the medication of my then Y6 DS1 who has a serious medical condition. We were able to afford for him to go (my place was a free staff place!) because it was a third of the amount of this trip and we paid smaller instalments over a longer time.

I also remember exactly how it felt to be one of those few who don't get to go, when I was a similar age to DD.. and then several more times during senior school. I never went on one school holiday. I pretended I didn't care at at all.. I told everyone "I'm not going because I am travel sick on coaches" but in reality I hadn't given my parents the letters. We were pretty damn poor (in a relative sense) and I knew I didn't have a cat in hell's chance of them being able to afford it and I didn't want my mum torturing herself over it. Didn't mean that I wouldn't have dearly loved to go. And then there was the days and weeks when they all got back and it was all they talked about and I was completely excluded.

Anyway, if she can't go she can't go. Life's not fair, but I wanted to try. At least now I've tried and I wouldn't have had the cheek confidence to ask if I hadn't started this thread. And the Head soon put me at ease. She is very nice and approachable and said she completely understands my position - which really isn't something that can be helped at the moment.

It seems completely counterproductive to me that it is priced so that some children are excluded. Ours was presented as a class bonding exercise. Sort of last Y6 fling together before they went their differnt ways to secondary school. And the yr 7 one is intended to bond the new yr group. And keeping costs down was a very important factor. Not going to work if only the better off can go

Your HT sounds lovely. AND i agree that it was important to try. Hope you can manage something.

Eponine - I am still smiling at your acceptance that looked after children should have priority. So many people with far more than you would say 'Oh they get everything they do.'
You are providing your daughter with something much richer than a bleeding school trip and should be rightly proud.
That said, your school should not have put you in this postion and should ensure that all pupils can attend if they want to.
Oh and try the rotary club, the sunshine club and the Lions - all v good at this sort of thing.

At dd3's new parents' meeting tonight HT made a point of saying how important school trips were, and he hoped all kids would go including residential ones and cost should never be an issue - not embarrassing, we all have difficult times in our lives etc, there's plenty of provision for paying off over a longer time or being funded and he'd rather know about it than kids miss out. I'm really sure our school is not alone in this.

Litchick, can hardly believe that many people would not be able to see how being in care would make a child even more deserving of funding for a school holiday than any other. Firtly, their lives are routinely harder than other childrens' and secondly, they are hardly going to be able to go any other way than having their place externally funded if their are no available parents to even attempt to fork out. Do people really think "they" get everything?"

I'm doing a degree in child and youth studies so have read a lot on looked-after children but still, it's obviously really isn't it, to the average person. How hard hearted can people get?!

Sadly, there are too many people who look at the most disadvantaged in society and see them as scroungers.
I was a child care lawyer for ten years and I can't tell you how hard hearted folk are towards those poor kids.
Ditto refugees.
I wish I could say it was diffent.

Do try your local rotary. I know a few people on various different rotaries and they are always trying to find people to fund- they have money to give away and I'm sure this is the sort of thing they would love to make a contribution to.

Eponine... talk to your Head Teacher. They have funds for cases just like yours.

I think it's rather unfair of the school to send kids in Y5 and 6 - it's less special for Y6s (the bonding/teamwork bit just before sec schools were announced was a vital part of dd1 and ds's memorable trip) and of course the cost is ridiculous. At the school I moved dcs from, cost this year is nearly £400 for Ys 5 and 6 - about the same as our week camping at a great site abroad for 6 of us in August! For that they get 2 days' travel and 3 days of activities.

Can you make an appointment to talk to the head teacher, to discuss it?

It may be possible for them to arrange for part of the cost to be paid if you can pay some of it. If that is viable for you!

I only say this because we raised this issue at our school with a view to doing some fundraising for these events and we were told that the HT could apply to a special fund or organisation to help with this type of situation. Your area may have the same thing.

A friend was in the same situation and she ran a coffee morning to help raise funds. It is an established coffee morning and organisations can ask to run it for their funds and they allowed this family to run it and put notices up thanking people for their support and saying it was being used for "jane's School trip to where ever" People were very generous and they raised the full amount and managed to donate some to a childrens charity too. Might be worth a try.

Good luck!