Didn't get the primary school place we wanted

[K1621]

Hello,

For our sons school place we listed 4 preferences and only got the 4th choice due to others being oversubscribed and are now on the waitlist for the other 3. We only put the 4th choice down as a back up as it is our closest local school and if we didn't get any we wanted we didn't want to be given a school further afield we hadn't seen yet.

My son has been on some transition visits to the school but has struggled as there is a nursery attached to the school so the majority of the kids all know each other and have pre-established friendships. He has been quite sad about it asking why other friends from nursery are going to the same school together but nobody from nursery is going to his school so he will be on his own and why can't he go to the school of x friend.

I guess I just want to know:

-Do you have any success stories of getting in off a waitlist, what place were you and when did this happen?
-Anything else I should be doing to support getting a different school?
-Any sucess stories where your child didn't know anyone starting school with how this went

Thankyou

My ds got his first preference school (closest) but he went to a nursery further away. Well over half his class were in the school nursery together and it was quite hard to settle in I’ll be honest with youc and my son now in Y2 still talks about how much he misses his best friend from nursery (they are like brothers, and we do still meet up).

But my son does have friends and he is happy, his best friend is currently a little girl and I am sure he will find his tribe as he progresses up the school.

Where are you on the waitlists? This happened to me last year - I was offered a different school in June, then our first choice on the first day of term (which i didnt take and now really regret!). We were 8th on that list. There is movement, hang in there! And definitely agree with playdates etc x

Hopefully it will work out fine. my child is still friends with the preschool kids many years later but as I said children from other settings are also in their friendship group. Making friends with the parents yourself will help solidify that. I’d just make the most of it for now, arrange play dates when it’s appropriate and he’s made some friends. Invite as many as you can to a birthday party etc. just get involved really. And then if you ever move just deal with that as and when it arises :)

Yes I think that's the thing isn't it even if they know them they may not necessarily be friends or play with them often at nursery. Good to know it was around tbe spring term for your DD and that she now has some lovely friendships now. I think my son may take a bit of time as he does normally take a while before he can feel comfortable around new people. That's good advice on speaking to the teacher on the first parents evening aswell before about putting a plan in place I dont think I would have thought of that so thankyou. Yes definitely more important to me that he's happy there emotionally and socially above all else. Thankyou

Ah that's cool to know they had all just merged and become friends by christmas so you couldn't tell interesting about the nativity too thankyou for sharing

Aw that's really lovely to hear, kids can be really welcoming can't they and hope after some time he feels more comfortable to play with the other like he does at nursery. Thankyou

This sounds so much like us I do also have concerns about the school so aside from him not knowing anyone I don't feel like it's the best fit for him and the transition visits have just worsened by concerns.

We had always planned to move back to our old town (where I work and where both my children go to nursery at present) but only now in a position financially to do so. Our other 3 choices were in this town. When you moved how did it work with your new school did you secure a place for your child and then move house or move and then look for a school? I know if we move we may go higher up waitlists but worry of the gamble if we don't get off the waitlist as they we would have to commute to our old town still anyway. Thankyou

We do also have concerns about the school itself which was the main reason for not putting it higher in our preferences but know it's obviously what we have been given for him so trying to see positives where we can. Yes that's a really good idea thankyou.

Thankyou and yes does seem like movement now or after they start is possible. We do have concerns about the school itself but I am hoping after he starts things may be different. Thankyou

Aw that is so lovely to hear thankyou that's wonderful. And yes it will be nice for him to be in walking distance pf friends for pkay dates walk to school with friends when older. Thankyou

Thankyou good to know they both made friends easily and being local to the school actually helped with the friendships too thankyou

Yes the majority of ours all came from the school nursery it seemed or other ones in the towne we live at least whereas my son goes to a nursery in a different town.

Yes that sounds exactly like my son and his best friend they are like brothers, they have been thick as thieves since they first started for years and we see him outside of nursery for playdates too. They are both sad they won't go to school together.

It's good to hear he is still happy though and has made other friends thankyou.

Also on the waiting list for our first choice school. Not quite sure what number he is on the list, as the last time I called they hadn’t complied it yet.

No advice really, as there’s no way to jump the lists but I understand they can change right through September.

I had decided to commit to the school he has been given as it’s brilliant in lots of ways. We even put him in the nursery for a day to help him with the transition but he’s had three visits and that’s made me more worried, not less as he just looked completely overwhelmed. He’s very sociable and has lovely little friendships in his first choice, he’s also sad about it and forgets nothing so I don’t think his nursery friends will be forgotten easily.

I’ve now decided that if he gets offered a place at any point before he’s fully settled I’ll pull him - it’s also 5 miles closer to home so unless we move house probably better long term (we live semi rurally so never going to be able to walk or play out with his friends so this isn’t a consideration for us).

I know most children will settled quickly but it’s a harder transition when they’re moving away from friends!

1st preference is a random allocation so just be luck if a place comes up, 2nd preference we are 13th and 3rd preference we are 16th. There has been some movements since offer day for some people we know who now have different schools. I am hopeful we may just get lucky nearer the time!

Yes we had to wait a while to find out aswell difficult not knowing where you are isn't it and having to keep contacting them to check for changes.

Yes it's so hard isn't it as you want to be excited for them and commit to make it easier but when it doesn't feel right in your gut it's hard.

Sounds a lot like my son and his experience seemed just overwhelemed at transition days but a sociable child with good friendships at his current nursery. And yes my son is the same very good memory and has a best friend who he has been close with for years who I think he will always miss whatever.

Yes I agree feel they would make friends but do feel like it makes the transition harder than if they did know some children. Like you unless he gets really settled and absolutely loves it if a place ever did come up we would pull him out. Thankyou and hope you hear your waitlist place soon and fingers crossed on some movement for you.

It's very common for children to start a new school.not knowing anyone else.
My GD started secondary school last year everyone she knew went to a different school she has settled in very happily and loves it and has made a lot of friends.
It's even more common for children to start reception without knowing anyone as children will be joining from a variety of nurseries.
Re being on the waiting list whether you get on depends on where he is on the waiting list have you checked. If he is in near the top it's possible but ifbe he is number 20 it's unlikely as 20 children would need to not take up their place for your child to be offered one.

If it’s a one or two form entry primary school I think your likelihood of getting in at positions 13 and 16 are slim to none. Random allocation is clearly unpredictable but I assume it’s an extremely popular school if that’s how places are allocated. I assume all 3 schools you’ve listed are very popular if they have that many on the waiting list.

I’d make peace with attending your local school. It was always going to be the most likely school for you anyway. ‘Choice’ is a bit of an illusion when it comes to school allocation. Don’t worry about the kids all knowing each other from nursery. Friendship groups fluctuated hugely over the first few years. None of my kids closest friends by the end of year 1 have been the same as the first day of reception.

No experience of the other factors but my LG didn’t go to the feeder nursery for her school and she has plenty friends now at age 11. Many kids won’t have went to the schools feeder nursery as most of them don’t have hours that suit working parents. It’s a real bugbear of mine that they are heavily biased against families where the parents work full time. 9-11:45, 1-4 or even 9-3 is no good and most are forced into private nursery.

It should be usual to go to nearest school to home

But you did get the school you wanted as far as the LEA is concerned. It was one of your choices. It amazes me that every year someone is complaining about getting allocated a school they put on the application.

I hope you get the school you really want for your child but I’m sure with your support they will do well wherever they go.

I understand your concerns but he will make friends, honestly.

Friendships are so interchangeable at this age. Most young children will happily play alongside or with anyone else engaged in the same activity. I teach Reception and we tend to take from one main pre-school, then lots of different private nurseries where often that child is the only one from that setting who is coming to us. We often have children who have never been to nursery before too (high EAL). Play is a universal language though. It's only usually noticeable for the first week or so which children didn't already know the rest from pre-school. Before long, everyone else is fully accepted as part of the class and by October half term most children won't remember who they already knew from pre-school and who they didn't.

Keep this summer super positive for your child, whenever you talk about school. Don't let him catch on to your own negative thoughts about not getting your first choice. Read lots of books about starting school and making new friends. Watch 'Time For School' on Cbeebies. Make starting school and making new friends feel like a big exciting adventure, rather than something to worry about.

My DS is in Reception and he didn’t know anyone in his class when he started in September. In fact from his nursery group of 11 who left they went to 10 different schools.

We don’t go to our local school as we managed to get into a much better village school a few minutes drive away.

He has had an absolutely fantastic first year so far and has made some really nice friends.

I really wouldn’t give it a second thought if your DC knows nobody in Reception. They’ll be OK.

Our primary has a nursery attached to it and most of the children from there stay at the school - it’s a really popular nursery as there is also wraparound from age 3 and so it can work for people who need it “all day”.

Theres about 60 children registered at the nursery at any one time (they have 2 groups of 20 kids) and as they can go from 3 some join at Feb half term, Easter etc so I they don’t all move up together.

Some other children who’ve maybe been with childminders or other nurseries, or families who have maybe moved to the area join and they’re always made to feel really welcome and the children always make friends.

Theyre so young they are very resilient and to be honest by the time they’re 6-7 they often change friendships a bit anyway.

I hope you win your appeal however if they’re all over-subscribed it’ll be difficult unless someone pulls out and changes their mind.

In our village, if someone is starting school and doesn't know anyone, the parent will often ask on the local Facebook page if anyone would like to meet up for a play date. It works really well and people always respond.

At our school the handful of parents who knew each other set up a WhatsApp group and passed the details to all the new parents when we had our taster sessions and school in June/July.

Every single parent signed up and we had a few group meetings over the summer which was good for not only the children but also the parents.

If you can get all the parents in a single WhatsApp group it makes life a lot easier for all sorts of things not only before they start school but also post Sept. Things such as party planning are a doddle if you are all in the same group.