Didn't get the primary school place we wanted

[K1621]

Hello,

For our sons school place we listed 4 preferences and only got the 4th choice due to others being oversubscribed and are now on the waitlist for the other 3. We only put the 4th choice down as a back up as it is our closest local school and if we didn't get any we wanted we didn't want to be given a school further afield we hadn't seen yet.

My son has been on some transition visits to the school but has struggled as there is a nursery attached to the school so the majority of the kids all know each other and have pre-established friendships. He has been quite sad about it asking why other friends from nursery are going to the same school together but nobody from nursery is going to his school so he will be on his own and why can't he go to the school of x friend.

I guess I just want to know:

-Do you have any success stories of getting in off a waitlist, what place were you and when did this happen?
-Anything else I should be doing to support getting a different school?
-Any sucess stories where your child didn't know anyone starting school with how this went

Thankyou

None of my 3 dc went to the attached school nursery as I need an all year round nursery and opted for one near work (so not even near the school nursery). All 3 settled well and friendships at that age change often after a week you wouldn't know it.
Dc2 and 3 i organised a couple of school holiday play dates which helped to see familiar faces at the start.

Children's friendships from nursery don't last, and children who were at a different nursery get absorbed anf accepted very quickly. On the transition visits the kids who knew each other were sticking together as they were nervous about the new environment and new teacher but they will open up to new friendships in September with no trouble.

Honestly you are way better off accepting the nearby school.

By far the strongest influence on primary outcomes is not the school but the parents - being engaged in education, ensuring as close to 100% attendance as possible, reading with your child every day. If you are doing these things then unless the school is so bad it is defined as failing and is condemned to closure,your child will be fine. Meanwhile there are huge benefits to loving close by to the school.

We didn't get our 1st choice school, but accepted the nearby school we were allocated, and it worked our real well.

Places do become available over the summer and into September, but of course you have no way of knowing if they will for your schools. One benefit of a place coming up late is more families will choose to stick with the school they have, so the place may go to someone lower on the waiting list.

Saying that, friendships are very fluid at that age and within a week or 2 many of them will have shifted around. I would focus on supporting him for now by reassuring him he will quickly get to know new friends. You could give him some practical plans e.g. he might make friends with the other children who also liked playing marble run like him or we could ask your teacher to help if needed.

In DD's year, the 60 kids went to something like 30 different settings. She was the only one who went to hers. Within a day or two, she had made a firm group of friends who are still her best friends in y1,and a wider group of friends outside of that core.

Others are right: friendships are easily formed at this age, and often don't last. The early years teachers know that there are situations like this and support them to settle. I know it's worrying, but the best thing you can do is be open and honest with the school about any concerns, and try to open lines of communication with other parents - our class WhatsApp group is helpful, and was set up before they started by 3 parents who already knew another to help others get to know each other.

There was quite a bit of
movement at our primary. A few
didnt start and a few joined the
froi closer to the start date

there was also a
lot of movement during year R and also year 1! Families moving away

Both of mine didn’t know anybody in their reception class before day1 of reception- we needed the flexibility of a childminder due to both of us working.
Not an issue at all.

There are huge benefits to picking the closest school. His friends will live near you which is helpful for friendships and play dates and means you can likely walk to school. I’m surprised you had it as your last choice.

Yes it can be tricky when lots of the kids already know each other and yours doesn’t but I know in my daughters friendship circle, they had nearly all been to the same preschool on site but other children from other places soon slotted in.

Quite often, the full class aren’t at transition sessions because it’s tricky for parents to get them there. Random days in the middle of June. If they are at a nursery elsewhere they might not be at transition.

You can’t think that if he goes to a school with a nursery he will never make friends. That’s not going to happen.

You just say ‘Hugo and Jim-Boy are going to Bash Street because that’s the scenario their houses and you are going to St Mary’s because that is near our house’.

DD didn't go to the attached nursery of her school (currently in reception). She knew two of the other kids from her nursery, but wasn't particularly friends with them. It took until partway through spring term to develop a strong friendship and now they're thick as thieves and so adorable together. She'd also developed some looser friendships by that point.

DD can struggle socially (and is on the autism waiting list) and was more interested in the adults a lot of the time, so I expect that most kids will get there faster than her. If he isn't developing those connections school will put a plan in place (ours did including supporting her to initiate play). You can definitely ask about it in your first parents evening. We did and I think her teacher loved that we were focused on her social and emotional development in reception rather than more academic things!

DS went to his primary school not knowing anyone. About 2/3 of the class went to the attached nursery. I raised it with the teachers beforehand and they said by Christmas, you wouldn’t be able to tell who had and hadn’t been to the nursery. Which turned out to be totally true. I can think of two boys who have been best friends from nursery and are still best friends but so many of the friendship groups have moved and changed. They’ve also had new people joining at various points and so things change again. One of the things that the head said to me before they joined was how important the nativity play was and they found that really broke down barriers and cemented new friendships. Again, I found that to be totally true.

DS went to a small village school. There were 17 children in his year, and 16 of them had gone to the village preschool (not attached to the school) so all knew each other really well. The 17th child moved into the village during the summer holidays so didn't know anyone.

Within days of starting she had made loads of friends - including my son - and you'd never have known she was a newbie.

Going to the nearest school has so many advantages.

I've been there! We were given our fourth choice of primary school. Despite not knowing anyone , our child did eventually settle but I just wasn't happy with the school at all. Your situation might differ but there was a reason we didn't choose the school and unfortunately our worst suspicions were confirmed when we started. We never moved to the top of our other choice schools. There was movement but it was up and down which was disheartening.

We ended up moving house halfway through year 1, again our child didn't know anyone but this time it went much better because the school itself was better. Our child is thriving now. So I'd say that not knowing anyone when they start school isn't a problem at all! It's the school itself that's important. If you're relatively happy with the school, the rest will fall into place.

If this is the only reason you didn’t want that school then I really wouldn’t worry about it. They will all mix once they’re in school together and it’s rare that nursery friends stick together long term. If there’s any meet ups for the class over summer go to them and get to know the other parents and children, and if there isn’t any see if you can arrange one yourself. Knowing the other parents is a very good way of your Dc getting to know the others and make friends as it’s the e parents who organise DCs social life at this age.

I have amazed at how much movement there has been in KS1 with both pupils coming and going from the school due to house moves etc. Things seem to be a lot more fluid these days than when my older DC were at primary (15-20 years ago). New children settle well generally and quickly make friends. I wouldn't worry and would stick to the local school unless it's terrible

DD went to private nursery so knew no one at primary on day 1, by the end of the day she had half a dozen new best friends and different ones the next day. They make friends fast and the friendships are flexible for a few years based mainly on who’s playing what game on what day.

if the school is otherwise good then give it a try, it being your closest is good because it gives better opportunities for play dates and in later years walking with friends to school.

Yes we also couldn't opt for a school nursery at the time for the same reasons as we needed a full time nursery. Thankyou good to hear all your 3 settled well and trying to organise some play dates is a great idea too thankyou

Yes that's a very good point guess they just stick to what they know on the transitions. So far all events have had parents there too so hoping when it's just kids on their own they will be able to mix more amongst themselves. Thankyou and yes I can see the benefits with him being near friends and walking to school etc which he will enjoy. And yes I do agree that with a supportive family I am hoping he will be okay wherever he is. Thankyou

Yes think that's what is hard with the not knowing. The waitlists in my area are open until 31st December this year so quite a long time of uncertainity. Yes I think we may feel more comfortable moving later on whereas others may decide not too. Our 1st preference their waitlist is random allocation, our 2nd we are 13th and our 3rd we are 16th.

Yes I am trying to put my own concerns aside to try and be positive about it for him still. Yes that's a good idea on the common interests with other kids thankyou

Wow it does seem like there is such a spread now with where people live and work. Our nursery does seem quite split to and some in same situation or just with 2 from the nursery going to the same school. That's really great to hear that she did make friends and has kept them into y1 too.

Yes I have mentioned it to one of the class teachers. She said at the stay and plays with just the kids they can see what kids he gravitates towards and place him in class based on this. Yes we don't have anything yet but think a class whatsapp would be great. Thankyou

Thankyou this is good to hear, I am still hopeful for some movement. A lot of our schools in the area now don't have full classes in current reception at y1 too for the same reasons with people moving etc. Thankyou

That's wonderful, nice to hear they both settled fine. I have a younger son who will join him at school wherever he is in 2 years time too. Thankyou

Yes I do think living near friends and walking to school will be nice. It was our last choice as the school itself isn't great and we knew it wasn't the best fit for him from the start and unfortunately visits since have only confirmed this more although I am trying to be open. We were also hoping to move back to the town where we used to live where are other 3 school choices are as we love the atea and it is where I work and where my younger son goes to nursery so makes sense for us.

Ah that's good to know that other kids slotted into their group thankyou I am hopeful this will happen for him too. Thankyou

Yes that was the case for us as they have an intake of 60 but only 30 kids at the transitions and they haven't actually det the classes yet.

Yes he is a social kid and been at nursery since 1 and done well so feel like he has all the skillset to make friends.

Yes I haven't explained we tried to get these other schools and didn't get them like you say have just said oh we got given this school as it's where we live and they live somewhere different. Thankyou

The friendship dynamics will change once school gets going. Dd was one of four joining from outside and it was quickly fine.

My DD went to a private nursery so did not know any kids when she started school, before that my DS moved school in year 1. Both managed just find, they found their place and friends with ease. What did help was it being the local school so friends were on our door step, the walk to and from school helped me establish mum friends to help with the out of school socialisation.