Regretting Y2 school move, DS happy but falling behind academically

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We recently moved DS1 to a new primary school for Y2. I'd been feeling uncomfortable about academic pressure at his current school as it's very high performing and he is summerborn so I was worried about the impact all the trophies for writing etc. would have on his confidence. I'd also heard that some of the teachers in later years were a bit shouty. We moved him to our local primary, very nurturing approach but much smaller (1 form entry).

However, as soon as he moved I instantly regretted it and he's gone backwards academically significantly (meeting expectations to now below). I think the lack of structured teaching there as it's much more independently led possibly doesn't suit his learning style. He struggles a bit with concentration but this was improving at the old school, again it has gone backwards at this new school. His class is around 70% boys and there are lots of kids with SEN so the teachers are stretched - the class is fun but not focused which will matter in KS2. His teacher puts on cartoons at the end of the day as she says it's the 'only way she can keep them all quiet'. He is happy there and has made plenty of friends.

I drop my daughter to the nursery at the old school and seeing all the happy, confident kids flowing in and out makes me realise I was worrying about nothing before. Kids can be challenged academically and still happy, it doesn't need to be all sunshine, rainbows and gardening clubs! I don't know what to do and am losing sleep and my sanity over it. The thought of sending my summerborn daughter there next year as well is freaking me out. They're both bright kids and I know that high performing schools have little to no summerborn gap by Y6. I'm really concerned they'll both be behind by Y6 and secondary will be harder. I should have just trusted they'd find their way. Do I move him back (there are plenty of spaces)? Or accept the mistake and try to move on?

Sorry, but I cannot imagine a teacher would say 'I put cartoons on at the end of the afternoon as it is the only way to keep them quiet.' Surely you visited the school and saw the class size and disruption before you moved him. Move him back if you are unhappy - its only year 2.

You have to stop this OP

You’ve already moved schools because of the fear that the school pushed too hard and the belief that teachers become ‘shouty’ in later years.

Now you are stating that the learning style of the new school doesn’t suit him either.

You are projecting your anxieties into this situation. It is you that’s causing stress. Talking about Y6 when they are only in Y2, seriously you need to take a step back. You are actively getting in the way of your son’s education. You cannot move him schools again because of fears in your head that have completely taken over.

You seem to be strongly regretting your mistake — move him back then (if possible). It’s better to correct the mistake as soon as possible than to bear its long-term consequences just because of embarrassment or pride about publicly admitting it. I hope the old school will understand if you are transparent with them about your reasons for coming back

To me….
You can be academically pushed, and happy.
However not all schools fit all children so you do have to watch. There was obviously a reason it wasn’t right in the first place, or you wouldn’t have moved him.
Id go back and have another look.
Id also look at other options. There may be somewhere you haven’t considered yet

I’d move him back asap

as PP said good you realised the mistake quickly , and if anything this made you realise what is best for you/DC so I wouldn’t regret it

<btw ofc kids are happy if they’re chilling and not stretched >

How recently did he move?
Was it from private to state, since you say the new school was local?

I empathise to an extent as I have tied myself in knots about school decisions for my two. I don’t know that we’ve made the “perfect” choice and I could easily waste time agonising over Ofsted reports and SATS and local hearsay - but, there is no perfect school and no amount of research and stats will control for everything.

You must have chosen to move for good reasons. I would be concerned that moving again might be harmful, unless there really are serious red flags at the new school. Lean into your choice, continue to back your kids, and support at home where necessary!

If your child was meeting expectations and is now below, it’s quite possible that the change in expectation and teaching style has affected his learning. I think that you could regard a child who is exceeding expectations as very able, but he may be affected by the competitive nature of the first school.

If he was happy there, move him back, but don’t doubt yourself again.

Was he actually unhappy at the old school?

No. He was having huge meltdowns after school (kicking, throwing things etc) and saying he hated learning but I now know that that was just him being 5. I totally misread the situation.

I know a family who have moved their two DC multiple times over the years. Don't become that family! If you do move him back you must be prepared to stick with it. Did the tantrums stop as soon as he moved school?

They did yes but I that was more to do with him turning 6 and also the school work being much easier - not necessarily a good thing. I'm certain he would have been fine.

This may not have been him just being 5. He may have found the structure of the old school too much.

I wholeheartedly agree with this. You sound very much like a friend of my who has moved her kids multiple times. She always moves them based on her perceptions or unfounded notions of what the school is or isn’t doing correctly. She is never happy and her kids, now older, are vocally fed up of it. I’m sorry, there is absolutely no way a teacher is putting on cartoons every afternoon for any reason and certainly not as a way of keeping kids happy. Just no way. Do you listen to a lot of gossip and hearsay? I only ask because you mention a shouty teacher in the old school - you haven’t experienced that, someone has told you that. It’s much better to ignore one sided gossip.

You really can’t read too much into teacher assessments and scoring at this age. They aren’t that accurate and children don’t all develop and learn at the same predefined rate. If he is happy leave him where he is.

I don’t get how a child goes from meeting expectations to below in 6 months? It’s quite rare to be below in yr2. Have you spoken to the teachers

Hmm i saw a kid at our school move to another local school then within a year he was back. He had behaviour issues mildly.

But i think its key to understand that probably in most cases its the child not the school. So a variety of issues can follow them. So even if its sen or not their fault the schools are doing ok for the average child.

School 2 sounds like high sen

Move him back - now. Be grateful that you have the luxury of your old school being not oversubscribed, and that the option is still open to you.

Maybe but you can't know. Be careful not to move at every tiny thing which doesn't fit you or you misread.

I'm wondering how you know he was above expectation in old school, and now below. Is that the old and new school telling you? Do you have a way of assessing this which is independent of the schools involved? If its just based on the school's say so, they may have been doing things at his old school just to keep you happy (especially if you were paying for it).

The way to gauge whether your child was unhappy at the first school or just being 5 is whether he was different in the holidays. I had a child like this - so relaxed in longer holidays, like a different child. He was extremely unhappy at school, and his self esteem was rock bottom by Y2. I underestimated the effects of long term stress and we are now dealing with a very unhappy young adult with significant mental health issues. I would ALWAYS prioritise happiness and self esteem over academic success. I know a couple of kids who got the highest possible grades in their GCSEs but both have attempted suicide. Sometimes you need to think further than grades.

OP, you need to be 100% certain that sending him back will be OK for him, that he will be able to be just as happy as he is now, that he will be able to be just as secure as he is now. Because it's much easier to blame your choices for a few lower grades than it is for mental health problems.

Teacher is definitely putting on cartoons, they were on when I picked him up and the teacher said that comment to me directly. This has happened almost every week and always on a Friday - have seen it on other days too.

I have spoken to the teachers and reviewed his work compared to Y1 - senco and class teacher were shocked at what he was previously capable of.

I totally agree with not being 'jumpy' that's why I'm agonising over this. I want this to be the last move he makes in primary. Added complication is that his bestie is leaving the old school at the end of this year, otherwise I would have moved him back in a heartbeat for summer term. Ideally I would have just done this straight away but was trying not to judge too quickly and give it time.

If he was behaving that way, it’s actually likely that the pressure was getting to him. If you move him back, you may find it kicks off again.

Having huge meltdowns is not just being 5.

it sounds like you do not have a particularly good handle on where he is both academically and emotionally.

it is very common for children who move setting to take a while to settle in. The fact that he was having meltdowns at the last school would tend to indicate there was an issue.

how is he at the new school? Has he made friends? What is his reading like - presumably you read with him a few times a week - is the scheme the same/is he struggling?

Ok, cartoons at the end of the day for the last 5 minutes in yr 2 is not a big deal! It’s a bit of a non-issue to get so het up about.
Getting 30 kids organised can be chaos.
And daily meltdowns after school are not the response of the majority of year 1/2 children. This would concern me greatly. Especially if he’s stopped doing this now he’s at the different school.
Is he happy there??

Early Years curriculum is very tough on kids, especially summer-born as often they are not emotionally ready for such amount of formal, difficult work at the desk. Mind that most of the world starts formal schooling only at 6-7.
We have similar problems with our summer-born boy. Apparently, he cries almost every day at the desk when there is work to do until TA comes and helps him. We found it so strange, because he is absolutely fine at home, doing homework, etc. They put him on SEN monitoring and suggested autism. But then a professional came to asses him and said it's anxiety-driven perfectionism. He has low self-esteem and needs more praise. It's depressing how the early academic pressure can destroy a child.
Know Y2 curriculum and buy practice books. Then try to do some tasks at home and see what he is capable of - then you will know the real picture.

So sorry to hear this, if I could have had my time again I definitely would have deferred him. I'm convinced my son is the same - he has low self esteem from being at an academically focused school since nursery, which is stopping him from wanting to attempt the work rather than fail. He just sits there until someone comes to make him do it. The old school was 3rd on our list as I was concerned about exactly this - but I also think the smaller classes and quiet, focused environment helped him learn. It's just so hard to watch them struggle with school. My hope was that being in a school that was more nurturing would improve his confidence but I think the large class size and high SEN has meant he doesn't get enough support and is distracted by the noise. He likes it as he finds it fun and his classmates funny so he's happy but he's not making the progress he should be. I also think that moving school and having to 'prove himself' again has knocked his confidence further as he's been put back into the phonics programme when he has finished it at the previous school. He also used to say he felt good at maths but he's now been put into a catch up class at the new school. I think at the old school he wouldn't have had the transition stress so would have picked up where he left off and not been so behind now. I'm not a high achiever mother by any means, I just don't want him to fall behind when he's already on the back foot being summerborn. He's really bright, just doesn't believe in himself and the old school were actually quite good at that even if the the work was hard. I think for him it's just 'school' in general is going to be tough until he catches up and starts to believe he can do it - then he'll fly. I know what he can do at home. As others have suggested, perhaps supplementing at home is the best approach. And I need to let go of the 'what if' he would have eventually thrived at the other school.