Regretting Y2 school move, DS happy but falling behind academically

[clipclopyoudontstop6]

We recently moved DS1 to a new primary school for Y2. I'd been feeling uncomfortable about academic pressure at his current school as it's very high performing and he is summerborn so I was worried about the impact all the trophies for writing etc. would have on his confidence. I'd also heard that some of the teachers in later years were a bit shouty. We moved him to our local primary, very nurturing approach but much smaller (1 form entry).

However, as soon as he moved I instantly regretted it and he's gone backwards academically significantly (meeting expectations to now below). I think the lack of structured teaching there as it's much more independently led possibly doesn't suit his learning style. He struggles a bit with concentration but this was improving at the old school, again it has gone backwards at this new school. His class is around 70% boys and there are lots of kids with SEN so the teachers are stretched - the class is fun but not focused which will matter in KS2. His teacher puts on cartoons at the end of the day as she says it's the 'only way she can keep them all quiet'. He is happy there and has made plenty of friends.

I drop my daughter to the nursery at the old school and seeing all the happy, confident kids flowing in and out makes me realise I was worrying about nothing before. Kids can be challenged academically and still happy, it doesn't need to be all sunshine, rainbows and gardening clubs! I don't know what to do and am losing sleep and my sanity over it. The thought of sending my summerborn daughter there next year as well is freaking me out. They're both bright kids and I know that high performing schools have little to no summerborn gap by Y6. I'm really concerned they'll both be behind by Y6 and secondary will be harder. I should have just trusted they'd find their way. Do I move him back (there are plenty of spaces)? Or accept the mistake and try to move on?

What measure are you using to define how bright he is?

Curious and engaged, asks really astute questions and likes to work out how things work. Was meeting expectations at old school in Y1 in maths and reading, despite being summerborn, just a bit behind in writing but could apply phonics and write multiple sentences with meaning. I guess I just have this niggling feeling that the old school did actually work well for him and in the long run it would be better for him to go back. He knows it well as he was there since nursery and I think they would catch him back up really quickly which would ultimately improve his confidence. The new school's approach is to go really gently on him, which I understand but I think is inadvertently making him think he's not good at it. The old school assumed competence - I know they also have decent SEN provision for dyslexia if it turns out he does actually have a learning difficulty but at the moment he's not showing signs of that.

@clipclopyoudontstop6 I won't weigh in on whether to move your son back or not, but in regards to your daughter - have you considered delaying her entry to reception until compulsory school age?

Our two local schools sound a bit like your choices: one very academic and pushy, the other very child centered/play based. We decided pretty early on that if we were to send our DC to the more pushy school then we would definitely delay entry until the next year, whereas if we'd have gone for the more play based school we'd probably have started DC at just turned 4.

Just something to consider...

It’s such a hard decision on what to do and we, mothers, often try to do the best we can but I also find ourselves create tales based on what we see/ hear rather than what’s really going on.

from a bystander, reading your comments, you had real concerns about how academic the other school was and also the after school behaviour your son displayed. So much as it prompted to move him to the new school. The new school seems to “resolved” your old concerns but then lacks the things you took for granted “academic capability” and now your regrets.

the loss is often felt very strongly, and in your case the academic push, which you took for granted. Now the school, I feel you also take for granted your son’s happiness and feeling of being relaxed.

I can’t say which school is better for your son, only you know. It’s also worth perhaps to talk with your son and see how he feels. Academic capability is very important but more often than not, it can be taught. Happiness on the other hand, cannot. If academic is reasonable in the new school, he’s very happy, I’d say consider leaving him as is. And pay for tuitions if he needs catch up. Primary education success is more about practice than how bright a kid really is. What the children learn are quite basic, as most adults would be able to do. It’s a matter of practice. However if you son wants to go back and you think he will be happier there, then do it sooner rather than later, but don’t do it because he has one friend, do it because it’s a right school for him. Friendship changes a lot in primary school. Another thing I’d say is spend some time to read school governors report and get a sense what schools direction, issues, general tone. Leadership is often more important than anything else, as the end of the day, that’s what the school culture and direction would be in the long run.

Thank you, I really appreciate your balanced message. DS is happy but seems more anxious. I started to notice it last term around Christmas and it's been getting progressively worse. I think removing him from his stable base has impacted him more than I anticipated, hence the decline academically in what should technically be a much easier and nurturing school. If it would restore his sense of safety, I think moving him back could make sense. I think kids are very near term focused though and as I say he finds it fun and has lots of friends so I'm not sure if he'll want to go back. I don't think he realises he's anxious. I won't move him back unless he's on board with it, will work out the best way to talk to him about it.

Was he like that about anything else before starting school?? It doesn't sound like " just him being 5" , it's not typical behavior. Sounds like he struggled all day if he was feeling that way by the end of the day.

There’s a big jump up from y1 to yr2 so you may just be seeing that effect, rather than his capabilities going backwards.

I think your reasons for moving him in the first places aren’t solid enough, but I can sympathise that it’s really horrid to worry about your child’s school.

I’m not a fan of moving schools too often for kids (my kids have moved twice and I would not advise it unless necessary), but since the old environment and people will already be distinctly familiar to him, I would consider moving him back.

70% boys and a large SEN cohort isn’t great.

You have to give him time to stabilise. He will find his place and friends if you give him a chance. You have to give him at least a year in one place before you start even thinking about changing it again. Moving schools directly impacts academic outcomes in the short term.
Leave him be. Re-evaluate at the end of this academic year. And even then I’d wait a bit longer myself.

Move him back and stop the obsession! Nothing is perfect! Has hIs behaviour improved? What does he want?