Splitting twins: reception or junior?

[ByGoldHare]

Hi, for those of you who have twins and have split yours, did you do it during reception or in junior school?

For those who are a twin yourself, have you got any lived experience to share re: being split? And the timing of it?

My identical twin girls will have the opportunity to split when they attend reception or in junior school (when they shuffle the classes) if we want to. I’ve heard people say that it’s easier for the kids to split early on, but also some said it was better to split in junior school as it’s better to have each other during the early years.

Any insight would be appreciated!

Split them from day one and then it doesn’t become a thing. Present it as though there would be no question of them being together and as completely normal that they will be in separate classes.

My friend kept her girls together as that’s what they chose and the girls wanted. They are now in secondary and in the same form (again their choice ) but in different lessons as chose different GCSE options

everyone is different tho but if you think they’d be better separate then I’d say reception so that there won’t be a huge upset in year 3.

Why are you splitting them? As a twin myself I don't see an advantage in primary school at all - let them have eachother. Twins being together is their default - why push against it at such a young age?? It is different to other siblings. You are separating a much deeper bond - I would prioritise maintaining that.

In secondary school I can see it as individuality can fluorish and would do just as @Besidemyselfwithworry did

My two were split in primary so they could find their own way. They are twins but they are also their own person. It worked well - separate class but same school so they had each other but were independent. They are now at different secondary schools - their own wish.

I’m an identical twin who was split during infants and juniors. People knew us as separate beings.

in senior school, was put in the same class. Big mistake. Friends and teachers couldn’t tell us apart. I think it harmed as socially. I’d recommend to split from day one, or at least after reception.

@SoOtterlyLovely It’s so helpful to hear your view as one who has been kept together. We found our friends and also their teachers tend to treat them as one unit, and that made us think really hard about splitting them. For instance, one time a teacher let twin 1 have a go at picking a treasure and then told twin 2, “Oh you’re together so you don’t need to pick.” And then she let other singletons have a go. Twin 2 was sad.

What was your experience like?

My twin and I split when we went into secondary school. I really missed being with her, and my confidence took a knock.

@Steelworks What was your experience in being split in reception? Part of me feel they are so young and would really find comfort in each other. But part of me worries that it might be impossible to split later on in junior if we wait until then.

My twins have never separated ever from the moment they were born. Definitely had strong bond and are very confident because they always have each other.

But I find people treat them as one unit (I don’t blame them because they are so identical!) which I don’t mind now in nursery, but just thinking about when they are older

I think my dsis and I were considered to be one unit by many. We went to separate universities which surprised many people, but we knew it was right.

@Dryshampoofordays I could only imagine how hard it was. My girls are so close and it breaks my heart to even think about separating them. But did you wish you were split earlier on? Or would you have wished to just stay together all the way?

Children are very perceptive and from.very early on in reception they begin to understand that there is a bit of differentiation - who does the harder maths sheets, who is on the higher book band etc. Would your dc be okay if one of them outshone the other? As it may be glaringly.obvious if they're in the same class which may cause some friction.

Obviously it was a long time ago, so I can’t really remember my feelings in infant school, but i don’t recall being unhappy. We still had a strong bond, despite being in different classes. In juniors, we developed our own friendships and our own lives. Life was probably richer for it.

Our senior school classes were semi-graded, so being similar academic ability, we were put in the same class. Obvious, my dsis was my best friend there, but I think it stifled us making wider friendships. Not so much immediate classmates, but others couldn’t tell us apart, and I know teachers lumped us together. Some teachers were lazy and didn’t bother learning who was who.no one likes being different at school, but I felt different as a result of being ‘one of the twins’ .

i do know of (non identical) twins who went to different senior schools also.

I do see that as a disadvantage but personally in primary school I would communicate to the school/teacher each year and make it clear they need to be individuals (not sat next to eachother, not referred to as 'the smith twins') I think that is manageable. Terrible form for the previous teacher to do that - I'd have complained

Secondary school gives the opportunity to then separate.

I had the above and yes it was frustrating to be seen as 'one of the twins' but I am now in my late 20s and the best gift is the bond I have with my twin. We have different careers and different friends, live in different parts of the country but she is another part of me. If I had twins I would prioritise that security at a young age BUT you know your children and of course they're all individuals!

@KnickerlessFlannelBut unless there has been some sort of birth trauma or other accident, which I think the OP would have mentioned, how could one outshine the other? They have the same parents in the same home and, most importantly, identical DNA. Identical twins reared apart can have differences in abilities and measured IQ, but those reared together are about as identical as any two people can be…

@hopsalong Very good point. Actually they are very, very similar in almost all areas and abilities. And they actually help each other learn fast. If one started climbing up a frame, the other one quickly follows. If one started drawing happy faces, the other catches up. It’s almost helpful for them to have each other.

But interestingly, the personalities are not the same. Although both extroverts, one tends to be a leader type and the other more gentle and empathetic.

@KnickerlessFlannel yes even if they are similar in abilities, it’s hard not to compare them as a parent, let alone their teacher. That was a big drive for us to consider splitting them up

They are not going to lose their bond by spending a few hours apart five days a week.
What they will gain is immeasurable knowledge that they are an individual in their own right with their own name, their own friends, their own problems and their own solutions. Just like all the other tiny children starting school.
And for goodness sake make sure they have different haircuts so it’s immediately obvious who is who.

My identical twin relatives were separated to start with and say it let them be their own people, make their own friendship groups etc., but they were still great friends with eachother.

You need to work on doing things separately with each of them then.

Do you know any identical twins? I know some young ones. They are both bright but have strengths in very different areas of the curriculum. At the moment one is streaks ahead in reading and the other just "inhales" facts about the world.
They are different in personalities too.
They have very engaged parents who have supported them equally but always seen them as individuals. I find it fascinating and can't really explain it other than maybe different conditions in the womb ( maybe one getting more nutrients than the other) switching on epigenetic differences.

My non identical twins were split after primary 3 when they changed schools and this was ideal. At reception they are dealing with being away from you for the first time so I don’t think you want to separate them from each other as well. Research says that identicals are better together for longer even than fraternal twins. I got a bit obsessed with the research when I was placing mine in school. The exception to leaving them together is if they have a dysfunctional relationship rather than a supportive one. it becomes quite obvious when they need their own space to blossom and I would be surprised if you were seeing it as early as reception.
too tip for school is pick a colour each and give them headbands or a unique hairstyle. Don’t make it hard for the teacher to tell them apart.

I knew of a set of identical twins, one of whom had a career in science, the other in the arts. Physically identical doesn't necessarily mean identical aptitudes and interests.

OP, can you start doing things with one of them at a time, even if it's just a quick trip to the shops at first? Even if you don't separate them at school, it's a good idea to get them accustomed to being apart. What if one has to go into hospital, for example?

Non-identical twin girls here. We put them in the same class in reception as they were v young for their year and I think they needed each other. Separated in year 3 when I think they were ready to be more independent and it went well. They both made different friends and seemed to enjoy that.

In secondary school they were in different classes but have the same big friend group which has been really lovely and they're (mostly!) good mates. One Dd is a lot more organised than the other though and she tends to make plans with friends and other Dd relies on her to do that which I think organised Dd finds annoying!

I have found some teachers have been fabulous at seeing them as individuals and others are a bit shit and lump them together. They don't even look alike!

Good luck with whatever you chose, it's not an easy decision. X

@ohnonotthisargumentagain Wow, that’s great to know. Were they happy when they got split? Or it just happened and they were ok?

@HelenaWilson Ah we actually did have hospital visits. But it was when they were 1 year old. Twin 1 wouldn’t go to bed until Twin 2 returns from hospital. We had to ask for permission to bring her in to see her sister.

My husband tries to have dates with each one of them individually but only successful a handful of times. Because one would get very upset and want to go out together. So they just end up both having dates with daddy. 😂

I will need to work on it!

@Twiceover Hearing your experience and @ohnonotthisargumentagain ‘s now makes me think maybe it’s ok to separate later on in junior school. I will keep that option on the table!