Twins in primary schools

[ByGoldHare]

Hi,

Would any of you mind sharing your experience of having either your own twins or teaching twins in primary school please?

I’m particularly interested in people experience of rural small village school (single or combined) vs town bigger school (multiple forms), in terms of friendship formations and development of twins individual identities.

I’m also interested in hearing your thoughts on splitting twins and the timing of it! I have identical twin girls who will be starting nursery school in September.

Thank you 🙂

Our school asks parents if they want twins to be kept together or separated.

A friend asked for her girls to be separated when they started school so they could establish themselves as separate children rather than "the twins"".

Mine went to a small village school so no separating classes. I encouraged the teacher to separate as much as possible and they did make different friendships but mostly overlapping. However as they were academically similar were taught in the same group for maths/English.
Year4 they moved schools and were split up this helped with their independence they still had overlapping friendships (even now in y12 they do).
If I had had a choice I'd have split them from reception. I found with mine they used each other's strengths to lean on each other eg dt1 is more organised and would make sure dt2 had coat, homework, book bag at home time. Dt2 is much more sociable and dt1 used that to get by. This masks issues they had and its harder to help them if you've got the other twin always being a crutch. I think this hindered them both in some respects but helped in others.
Secondary school they were separated more than normal due to covid and had one subject together for about 2 years. In sixth-form because its smaller theyve ended up in some classes together however because they've had that separation they are less dependent on each other (although both still use each other at times!)
I think it probably depends on the dt, the school and the school set up.

Split worked really well for my twins. Now they have their own friendship groups in addition to being best friends with each other out of school. When they first started reception they actually split them in the morning but gave them time together in the afternoon, which was a gentle adjustment.

My DD(6)’s best friends are twins. They are at a one form entry school so in the same class - their mum very much wanted and wants them not to be separated and I think most of the bigger schools would normally split twins into different classes.

I see the more outgoing/sporty/confident twin talking for her sister a lot. I think this makes it easier for the more shy twin at the moment, but I feel it probably won’t serve either of them so well as they get older and need to develop some independence and resilience. I think separating them later down the line, once they’ve got used to relying on each other, would be potentially quite unsettling.

I chose the (very small, friendly) school for my kids when my eldest was 3, because I felt it was the best (less intimidating) environment for my little helpless preschooler - but I think I would probably choose differently if I’d been considering the whole seven years of primary, as their needs are so different as a 7/8/9 year old to what they were when we were choosing the school. The small school feels like a bit of a limitation now (and that’s even without factoring in the presence of a twin!)

It's totally dependent on the twins in my experience (Reception teacher).

I've taught twins in a small village school (identical girls) who were absolutely fine being in the same class all throughout their primary school days. The small size of the school meant that siblings in consecutive year groups were also together every other year. Some siblings were fine with this. Other children probably would have been better off in a bigger school, where they could have been in a different class to their sibling.

I also taught boy/girl twins in the same small village school. They probably would have been better off apart, in hindsight, as she was often annoyed by her brother's presence and could have done with some space from time to time (and he probably would have benefitted from not having his every misdemeanor tattle-taled to mum by his sister at home time!). Mum didn't drive though, so sending them to a different school wasn't an option.

I've since worked in larger schools, where twins have always been separated into different classes. Personally I think it's good for children to have some space away from their twin, to develop their own friendships and grow as an individual. However, I know some parents are initially disappointed by this and ask for them to be kept together. Our reasons are always thoroughly explained and I think most parents would agree afterwards that it was probably the best thing for their twins.

At the end of the day, they're highly unlikely to work in the same work place as an adult, or live together forever. A twin bond is a very unique and special thing, but it's also important to allow them to be individuals too. Otherwise they'll spend their life being 'the twins' who are always lumped together, rather than seen as individuals in the eyes of their peers.

My advice would be to look around all your options. If you have the option to go to a 2 form entry, where they will be in separate classes, it could be a great opportunity for them. If you think a one form entry is the best school out of your options though, I'm sure it won't be a problem them growing up in the same class at primary school.

There were twin ladies in my small town who were living together and dressing the same into their 80s. I’d probably want to avoid that. My friend with twins chose a school with 2 classes per year. They are identical twins. They developed their own friendships and interests.

A lot of this is pretty patronising. It's very possible to be an individual despite having a twin in the same class, and the fact that twins won't work together as adults is totally irrelevant to what might work for them at 4 years old.

OP, the Twins Trust has great guidance on this and lots of information and research. They point out that it should never be a blanket policy, and parents should be able to decide based on their twins as individuals. I would be very put off my any school which 'always' separated twins or 'always' kept them together.

I chose a one form school in the end and they've really thrived, they have their own friends but, especially at the start, really benefited from the reassurance of having their twin around.

I'd also not choose a school where if twins are in the same class they'd just lump them together and not treat them as individuals. If that happens then it's very poor teaching.

I’m a primary teacher and would split twins if I had my own based on this. One twin will often talk for both of them, and pupils compare them openly if in the same class. Depending on their personalities, this can negatively impact their self esteem and wellbeing.

I certainly didn't intend to patronise, I'm sorry if you chose to interpret my post like that.

Regarding choice, we wouldn't let any other parent choose which class their child went into and who they were with. So my argument would be,why would it be any different with twins? Parents do have choice, in that they can choose which school to list as their first preference. If they have a strong preference for keeping their twins together, they can choose to list a one form entry as their first choice to ensure it happens. Beyond that, I personally don't believe it should be up to the parents. You are entitled to disagree with that, but I'm not sure that entitles you to accuse me of being patronising. I'm simply trying to help the OP make a decision, as are you.

As for twins being 'lumped together', that comment was in reference to how other children (and sometimes even other parents) can sometimes come to view twins in their class, that they always come as a pair (I've seen it happen). I didn't say a school would see them as that. I agree it would be very poor teaching if they did.

OP asked for opinions from both parents and teachers of twins. I guess they want different viewpoints. I don't have twins myself but I have taught many, and in my own personal experience I have seen how separating twins into different classes can allow them to blossom (especially if you have one who is naturally less confident or one who tends to speak for the other etc).

I did also say it depends on the twins, whether they'd be ok in the same class or not. I'm glad it worked out well for your children.

Nonidentical twin girls. All the local schools are single form entry, so in the same class. It was probably an advantage in early years, but by y3 I think would have been better apart as it can be a bit oppressive to be with the same person 24 hours a day.

my 2 are quite different personalities, and we make sure they pursue their own interests and have different extracurriculars for time apart. Teachers try to give them as much separation within class as possible as well (different tables, not facing each other). They have periods of playing quite well together and are generally supportive of each other, but also sometimes get really fed up with each other.

in y5/6 we will likely have the opportunity to split them up and I think that will be a good thing.

There are twins in my daughters year group (identical) and they were together in R and y1 but the school split them for y2. I know it was mums preference for them to be together initially and she wasn’t very happy about them being separated (as they were both close to one other girl, so one ended up without a close friend, rather than because she specifically wanted them together, if that makes sense), so schools don’t always take parents views in to consideration.

Another friend specifically chose a 2 FE school and definitely wants hers separated, she hates people viewing them as ‘the twins’ and wants them to have their own identities.

My own siblings are twins and went to a tiny village school with mixed age classes, where some y1s are with reception and some with y2 for example. Due to differing academic abilities they were sometimes together and sometimes apart. One twin struggled with separation, the other didn’t at all. At secondary they were separated and didn’t have any lessons together until y10. Interestingly they then ended up in the same friendship group by y11!

Hiya, we did the TAMBA (now Twins Trust) parenting course and whilst they did say it should be case by case, I think they generally tend towards treating twins as individuals.

Based on my experience, I would separate.

Our twins started in a small coastal Devon primary with one class per intake. First few months, it was great! They had a built in best friend.

But. As time went on, it became clear that Twin1 was much more academic. He sailed through school, always top of the "gold board" etc. Twin2 not so much. She started having some behavioural difficulties which I think were in part down to her acting out against the constant comparator.

Last year we moved and specifically went for a school with 3 classes per year. They are 8 now and I think that is much better for them.

It's worth thinking that what works at 4 may not at 11, and choosing a school with multiple classes gives you more flexibility over the years.

Dd had a close friend who was separated going into reception and it worked well. Two classes per year

Remember that twins are more common now than they used to be a few generations ago. This means that schools and teachers will have more experience in supporting twins, so I would listen to their advice ( but obviously then do what you think best for your own children).

My twin brother and I were in separate classes, at my mums request. It was one of the best things she’s done for us.

I think a lot depends on the twins, and the school.

mine were fine in the same class as they are very different - even from playgroup they had different friends and didn’t instantly gravitate toward each toward each other. They were split a couple of times when classes were changed and it really made no difference to them.

DD1’s best friends are twins and after Reception the school decided to split them as they definitely had one who lead and one who followed and they wanted to see how the follower did under her own steam.

My girls house shared at uni and people always assume they are together 24/7, but actually the only trait they share is cleanliness. So when they both got offers for unis (different uni, different course) in the same city they decided to house share for the 4 years for stability and cleanliness. They actually barely spent any time together 😂

Twins are separate people who have different experiences and who interact differently with their environments. I am an identical twin with identical twins. Unless there is a good educational reason to separate them, they should be in the same class if that is what they want. You can’t stop them being individuals and separating them will not make them individual, they already are. Having a twin sibling is the greatest gift any child can have, don’t bend over backwards to ruin that.

I’m an identical twin and a teacher of many years. I always recommend twins are split if at all possible. They need to develop their own stories and friends. If separate classes are not possible they need to be separate in class and treated firmly as individuals.

I agree. Having a twin is the best thing ever.

Our twins were in the same class
we didn’t ask
They are very different but with lots of extra curriculars they formed their own interests and personalities

They were best friends but formed their own friendship groups. One with the more sporty crowd and one with the drama crowd.

When they moved up the school 8/13 they were generally in different classes due to academic ability but still in the same form. All siblings had to be in the same form as they had to be in the same house ( private school)

Again from 13/18 in senior school same house so same form but they never shared the same class because of different ability and different subject choices.

As they moved schools for these senior years a lot of people didn’t even realise they were twins. Such was their individuality

My twins went to a small village school with single form entry, so no choice about splitting them up.
We felt it was important that their teachers and peers could easily differentiate between the two of them, so they wore different colour polo tops making it obvious at a glance who was who!

we wouldn’t have chosen to split them up at a young age, they’d been together all through nursery, doing most sessions together apart from one a week each when they attended on their own.

Thanks so much for sharing your experience! Would you mind if I ask whether you were split or together with your twin in primary school? And how was your experience with making friends and whether there was any issue with comparison by teacher/fellow students

they wore different colour polo tops making it obvious at a glance who was who!

Did they ever swap?

@hopspot Thank you for your insight. Were you separated with your twin in school?