Having to remove DD from local private school - what would you do?

[dontknowwhattodoforbest]

Won't go into too much detail on reasons as they don't matter but having to remove DD from her school - she loves it but we don't have any choice. She is in a class of 15 (currently in reception).

My options are limited as of today as it has been half term and have not been able to check if there are any places in local state schools.

Option 1 would be to send her to the local primary which is VERY large and she would be in a class of 30 (there are 6 reception classes), she already has two friends who attend this school but bit concerned she will be a duck out of water with it being so large. Very good school - probably one of the best in area.

Option 2 - have a look at the other local primaries but she will not know anyone there (I know she will make friends but was hoping to make the transition easier for her).

Option 3 - send her to wonderful school at the bottom of my mum's road which has a class size of 22 (23 should she enrol). Her best friend from Nursery attends and also the daughter of one of my friend's. It is a very similar environment to the school she is leaving (atmosphere and size). It has a very good Ofsted report BUT it is 8 miles away and is not local to us. My heart says this school but my head says to stick to our catchment.

Am in turmoil, would like some advice please!

I would stick to your catchment - it's so nice when they get a bit older and can go and play with their friend down the road. Particularly if it is a good school I really wouldn't hesitate. Would you really want 6.5 years of driving nearly 40 miles each day to go to school and back??
Many, many children attend large primary schools and cope just fine. Yes, it'll be a big class, but presumably they have a teaching assistant in there too.

First check all the schools on your list have spaces then work from there. It's no good setting your heart on a school to find out there isn't a place. Good Luck!!

also to add - having a large school can have its upsides. Mine attend a little village school and there is no extracurricular provision and no before or after school care. I am in awe of all the things offered by the large primaries in town - choir, orchestra, drama, sports, French club etc.

I agree with ggirl. I had a dilemna with ds1 about which primary to go to and opted for the nearest for the reasons ggirl gave. I'm really glad I did now. He's looking forward to walking to school by himself next year and both my ds's have friends nearby.

DH could drop DD off at school near my mums as he drives past on his way to work so I wouldn't be doing 40 miles a day but you are right regarding the large school having its upsides.

Really wish we could afford to keep her at her independent school but its just not possible. . This is the downside to sending private, it costs a LOT of money and if you aren't making money, they have to leave.

Yes, you are all right, the school she is in now is the nearest to us (0.5) mile. The one which is large is a 1.5 mile away and the children are from all over the area so she would make lots of friends. I hope they have a place. Will find out tomorrow. Am terribly worried.

The advantages of having local friends and a short journey are not to be underestimated.
But you definitely need to call the Council to see what school she's likely to be allocated-the application dates and even late application dates in our borough are all gone (I suspect that if it's that good people will have ranked it high and it may be full)

Is school 3 also private, or state? If state presumably class size will eventually increase, if private, no guarantee that fees won't increase significantly. 8 mile sis a long way, and what if your DH job changes, or on days when he's off/working elsewhere?

As for the big school size, kids are very adaptable, I'm sure that if you have a positive attitude and perhape enlist the support of the existing friends parents etc she will be fine. She may also have covered some of the Y1 curriculum already, lots of independent schools do in Reception.

Lastly is there any possibility that the current school has some form of scheme/Bursary/Charitable status fund that could at least fund or subsidise her next year, while you get a bit more time to chhose best option? Not trying top raise your hopes unrealistically, but possibly worth a try? I am sorry if I'm being intrusive, and my heart goes out to you. Am hoping not to be in that position myself, but having to take each year as it comes.Good luck.

It will work out - don't worry. Reception is a good time to move, they make friends easily at that age.

Please don't worry too much, you're clearly trying to do the best for your DD and that love and determination will win through.

Cooper/Cornsilk - thanks - appreciate your sound advice. No, the other schools are all state, the reason we are moving her is financial.

I think I will keep the school near my mum's as a last resort if she doesn't get into any of the local ones which I like. There is also another school which has outstanding Ofsted reports near me, I will contact them tomorrow.

I think what is clouding my judgment is that she has friend's at the two schools I am considering, should I forget this and just go for what is the right school for her? She will make new friends, she is 5, they are fickle at that age.

Also worried about speaking to the Head at her school, feel embarrassed. It would be marvelous if they could fund her for the year but I highly doubt it. Will speak to him tomorrow and see what he says.

Cooper - as she will be starting Year 1, I shouldn't have the problem with application dates - doesn't that only apply when you are enrolling them in to reception?

Yes, I think you are right, sorry. In fact around here if you defer to after term when 5 you have to apply all over again, and not through the Reception entry.

Friends of mine (some years ago, granted) got their kid into one of the most sought after schools in the area because it was not reception.

I too would feel embarrassed to see the Head, but would swallow my pride here for a chance to stay. (I would probably feel the same on having to say why I was withdrawing her). There appears to be an exit interiew scenario at our school, and parents who even register elsewhere (thus triggering a call from the Head) seem to get invited in to chat.

Perhaps post on whether anyone else has tried this and succeeded? Our school says to contact the Bursar in such cases. I imagine if you do get a discount you'll be asked to kep it quiet!

Lst post was nine, had changed name to add to another thread and defend my professionand forgot to revert (it was a pretty hostile thread!)

Cooper/messenger - thanks, great advice.

How do you recommend I broach the subject with the head? He is a very nice man, I am sure he will be understanding.

Will start thread and see if anyone has had any luck.

The husband of a friend of mine is a highly paid contractor in financial services in The City. Skills very much in demand and never out of work until he had an accident which left him unable to work for about a year. They had just moved house and only had enough savings to get them through first few months. School were very understanding and funded their son for about 7mths I think until husband got back to work. Their DS was y5 I think though so maybe that made a difference. I do remember her saying that she was asked not to mention it to any other parents at school.

This may be completely irrelevant to you and I'm sorry if it gives you false hope but I do believe that many independent schools have the facility to do this on a short term basis if needed. Good luck whatever.

How far away from home is your DD's independent school? If it's any significant distance, she might not have local catchment-area friends anyway, so that's not necessarily an issue.

Moreover, it's possible to be friends with local children through Brownies/tennis/whatever is local to you whilst attending a school eight miles away. From five, I went to an independent school five miles from where we lived, but managed to maintain very good friendships with all the children who lived within a mile or so of home (true, it was easier in those days - early 80s - we'd just all go off on bikes). My DS is at a prep school, but I'm hoping he'll remain friendly with the local children here through Beavers (and through me staying friendly with their mums, whom I've known since the DCs were born).

This is rather a waffly way to say: go for the school that you feel meets your DD's needs and personality best, and the local social stuff will follow. I'll still keep my fingers crossed, though, that your DD's school might be sympathetic. I live in constant fear of having to withdraw DS from his school because we can't afford it any longer - DD starts after Easter, which is a terrifying thought. As for secondary: well, we are hoping for scholarships!! (Along with everyone else...)

Good luck x

i was going to add that 30 in a class can have advantages eg more to choose from to make friends. Not always a terrible thing.

six reception classes sounds huge! do they share a playground? does that work out well?

having very local friends is great - good for mum too - people to share picking up if need to, tea after school etc - can make it easier to make friends at school if you see them walking to school etc

6 reception classes? I didn't pick up on that earlier. There can't be any whole school activities (assemblies, concerts, sports days etc) can there? I think that would put me off.

I really would not worry too much about moving her - my best friend moved her ds at the end of Reception and he settled in really well; she had to move him again 2 terms later as they moved house and again he is fine.

I agree that a close school is a good bet and I would go for a med sized school over a small one - my dcs were in a small school - 16 children per year - and had difficulties in finding like minded children to play with. We moved to a school twice as big (at Yr1 and Yr2) and they are thriving.

Try and find out which have places then go and look at see which you like best. I am sure it will be fine

dd1 moved schools in the first term of year 1. she didnt know anyone there. i moved her from a school of 2x reception classes (30 children) to a smaller school of 1 reception class with an intake of 30 per year group. she flourished there. she didnt know anyone at the school, neither did i. but it was the school that felt so right. we had to wait almost a year for her place so we could move her (we moved into this town after all places had been allocated).

i say go and look round the local schools and go with your gut instinct.

dd1 is very settled there and has loads of friends.

I'm really sorry you are having to take this step - no advice other than what has already been said - just posting to wish you luck and to tell you not to beat yourself up.

Thank you all for your support and kind words, it really has helped me feel better about the whole thing. Will update tomorrow and let you all know how I got on with school.

Is the local good state school an infant school up to year 2? If so it wouldn't matter to me so much if there were six classes in each year as the overal size of the school would still be ok. I wouldn't be happy with six classes of 30 each year till 11 in one school - that sounds too big for primary.

I think it would not be ideal to take your daughter 8 miles to a primary school. My daughter is at nursery at a private school 5 miles away and her friends live 5 miles or further in the other direction..so I find even 5 miles a long way in terms of meeting up with friends. If you were planning to work while your child is at school surely it would be difficult to fit this round the hours of the school 8 miles away? I think if you were to choose this school you would possibly end up wanting to move nearer, or would otherwise spend a lot of time and money driving your daughter to school and friends houses.

Maybe it would be worth looking into the other state schools nearby.

Whichever school you choose I'm sure your daughter would find it very easy to make new friends at reception age. If you have friends with children at the school you choose you will probably soon get to know other Mums. Although I have found that ones friends can suddenly emmigrate or move so that it is probably best to choose the school that suits you and your daughter best, and if you have friends there that would be a bonus.

Good luck in making your choice.

Update!

The school with 6 reception classes (was misinformed, it has 4 reception classes) hsa no places.

Second option school in the area has no places

Waiting to hear from third option school but I doubt I will send her there, I didn't like the feel of it when I viewed it last year. It was like a High School - not warm and comforting like a Infant school should be.

That leaves me with my last option - sending her to the school 8 miles away near my parents. I am going in to see it today at 1pm. My heart has always said to send her there and I think it is working out that there is where I will have to send her as there are no more choices in my area. I am quite pleased to be honest as it is the school where I think she will settle best.

Got to go and talk to the Head at her school at 3pm and tell him we can no longer afford to pay. I will either have to pull her out straight away or if they make me pay, I will leave her in until the end of term. I would rather her start new school asap though, get it over and done with.

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

Maybe you could put your daugther on the waiting list for the local school as if you stay at the private school until the end of term, a place may come up at the local school..it depends how long their waiting list is?