Year 6 child - do i remove him from this school?

[OutofIdeas86]

Our eldest in y6 at a small village (60 kids) school about 5 miles from where we live.
Over the years have felt a bit disillusioned with the school- they are very old fashioned, offer very limited wrap around care or extra curricular activities.

Our son is very sporty, confident, and bright but that just feels totally lost on his school. He has never had a certificate, a badge, or anything at all to recognise him. His results are always very 'average', but when he has had tutoring these seem to shoot up to a much higher level, but quickly drop again once the tutoring finishes.

The positives with his school is that it is such a lovely and remote location that generally catchment is very nice and he goes to school with lovely children. And I know secondary school is right around the corner.

We did start our youngest child there in Sept 2024, but made the decision to take him out of the school, and move him to the school where my husband works, as they were not managing what they described as his 'emotional outbursts' and we felt my husbands school could better support with the benefit of my husband being onsite.

The school also said that my youngest son behaviour was detrimentally impacting my eldest son - as he was upset by seeing his younger sibling unsettled at school, so I thought by changing our youngest we would allow my older child to be more focused.

Fast forwarding, i am now just questioning everything after a bad parents evening last night. Basically saying our eldest isn't focusing, seems dazed, not responsive or contributing in class. I don't understand how he is a totally different child at football, rugby, home then this child at school.

He recently passed an aptitude test for a selective secondary school - in an area which he has never received recognition for in current school. I am so worried I've effectively put him in the totally wrong environment. He should be thriving at school, and it feels like an emotional drain sending him there everyday.

I work full time but am seriously thinking about homeschooling him for last 2 terms. My husband is a head teacher and is quite anti-homeschooling, but I am at my wits end.

Is there room for him at your husband's school?

At his age I'd ask him what he wants. Although my child's primary wasn't perfect, I wouldn't of moved her in year 6. They were already looking forward to their trips, end of year and had started transition.

What does your son think? Does he have good friends in the school? Do they have a good end of year 6 offer (residential, other activities etc). Would he want to do these with his current friends? If so, I’d stick in out- my daughter was year 6 last year and after SATs it was just a load of fun.

Yes I would ask your DS if he’s happy at schools. Does he have good friends? Year 6 is all about having fun and looking forward to the school trip. Does your school offer this? I would let him stay and look forward to secondary, this would be a great transition. What would you do if he likes home schooling and decides that secondary isn’t for him?

Have you already made an application for secondary school?

Does passing the aptitude test change that?

It’s interesting that his scores and work improve with tutoring, but drop back afterwards. Is he retaining what he’s learned?

I wouldn’t change his schools since he’ll soon be off to secondary unless that’s what he really wants. But I would likely home ed for rest of school year in your position if that’s what he wants.
I think it’s quite shocking in a small school he has never had a certificate etc. One of the benefits of a small school is more recognition of child!

I wouldn't move him unless he specifically wanted to.

If you move him now, he's going to have to settle in a new school then leave that in a few months to then settle somewhere else. If he's generally happy where he is, I'd leave him. He still gets his fresh start in September anyway, does he need to be disrupted twice? If on the other hand, he's desperately unhappy, move him now.

Are you on the UK? Do you live very rurally?

Why aren’t why both attending your husband’s school?

Tricky. It does seem as if it's not quite the right fit. He sounds bored and overlooked. However, the end is in sight. I think I'd ask him what he wants tbh. It would be nice to finish the social stuff together with those he's always known. Is there a trip coming up?

Realistically if you've got his secondary school already sorted, he's got less than a year. Pulling him out at this stage could do more harm than good. He has friends there and homeschooling unless you are going to go whole hog for 8 months and join all the homeschool ed social sessions/classes is realistically going to be even more boring. Likewise making friends you're going to have to ditch again after 8 months is going to be a faff as other children are old enough to be aware that it's only temporary. As a teacher myself, year 6 is such a weird transitory year the kids are starting puberty. And smell. They have also outgrown primary and friendships are often strained and rearrange around secondary choices. If your husband space I would consider only if you've asked and he expresses a wish to move. Otherwise I would leave it alone.

I would move him to your husbands school if they have space for him or home school him with the support of tutors. Children adapt very well in an environment that they are valued and recognised. I home schooled my DS after covid because i saw they was no spark in my DS eyes. His school was big. Later he moved to high school and he loves his school.
Everyone in your 7 will be the new to the school. He will have an opportunity to make new friends.He can go to a new school and still experience trips in year 6. Listen to your gut feeling.

Sounds like he's bored.

Is your son happy in his school? If he isn’t particularly, and you think your husband’s school would be a better fit, I would do it.

We recently moved our year 6 child and it has been the making of him! Probably quite a similar situation to yours. He has fitted in seamlessly to his new school and is really enthusiastic each day! Lovely new friends too.

I worried so much about the decision but with hindsight I should have just trusted my gut and my son’s feedback about the school.

I wouldn't move him for just 2 terms. He will have enough upheaval going to whatever secondary school you both choose. Ask him whether he has been happy at his primary school. He might not be bothered about not getting certificates. Maybe he has a different view to you about their importance and who does / does not get them.
Maybe he is bored with the set up there?
Maybe his teacher is accurate about his attitude/ performance ?You won't know unless you discuss it with him.
Concentrate your efforts on finding out from him where he would like to go next. Emphasise this is a new begining and he will have the opportunity to make new friends and potentially " reinvent" himself if he feels he has got in a bit of a rut,

Unless he's struggling with bullying or something it would be rash to pull him out so close to the end? Forcing him to be the new kid at school for such a small time period as well isn't great. We moved area and I still drove my DD to her old (not great) school so she could graduate with her friends, as she'd been at that school for years.

I wouldn’t be moving a child in year 6 for these reasons, especially not to homeschool for the terms where all his friends will be doing the fun stuff and celebrating the end of primary school.

I'm not hearing anything from you about his friends and social life, most of which are formed at this age. That's far more important than anything else right now, his happiness, his connections. If he's clever enough for selective school then pop him in for the exam but don't move him unless there's a better reason

I'd wait now and see if he picks up in secondary. Having friends for the transition is so helpful for them. I'd be more worried about that.

You stated that “His results are always very 'average', but when he has had tutoring these seem to shoot up to a much higher level, but quickly drop again once the tutoring finishes.”

It seems like you answered you own question here (as far as his academic performance is concerned).

So, if he performs better with tutoring and worse without it, why did you stop his tutoring?

Get the tutor reappointed, get cramming for common entrance, don’t make the same mistake twice. Make sure you find a secondary school that suits.

Honestly I think you are missing the point.
If the event that has kicked this off is hearing that your kid is dazed, unfocused and not contributing in class THAT is what you need to be addressing.
He's in SATs year which is a huge amount of pressure - how is he feeling about it? Is he struggling because he's quietly having a panic attack and not telling anyone (my kid was!)
Younger brother has behaviour problems, is it ADHD or autism? If so have you considered your oldest may have a milder form, kids often cope up to a point then as pressure increases they start to need support. Has he got sensory needs (maybe a need to move if he's doing great in sports) that are making it hard for him to concentrate?
He improves with 1:1 tutoring then drops back, no school is going to give him 1:1, do you actually think the teaching at the current school is inadequate (apart from the lack of recognition/encouragement which does suck but isn't worth moving for at this late stage)
Talk to him and find out what's going on, and keep talking.

You don’t say anything about what your son wants or his role in this.
Don’t teach him to avoid hard work by opting out.
Have a discussion about trying harder at school - and how to show the teachers that he is working hard - this is 1000x better preparation for secondary school and life than two terms of being isolated from his friends and missing all the yr6 rites of passage.
Ask HIM why he isn’t focusing (or is giving that impression) and work to find a solution. Does he do any extra maths / English at home (eg cgp books) to boost his progress - a little bit extra at home can make a big difference.
It seems s very normal for kids to feel they’ve grown out of primary school by the end - in fact that’s really what we want them to feel- ready to move on.

I moved my year 6 to a different school after Christmas break, albeit for different reasons. She thrived, was all of a sudden exceptional rather than average and was receiving recognition that she was desperately needed. It's never a wrong time if for the right reasons.