Year 6 child - do i remove him from this school?

[OutofIdeas86]

Our eldest in y6 at a small village (60 kids) school about 5 miles from where we live.
Over the years have felt a bit disillusioned with the school- they are very old fashioned, offer very limited wrap around care or extra curricular activities.

Our son is very sporty, confident, and bright but that just feels totally lost on his school. He has never had a certificate, a badge, or anything at all to recognise him. His results are always very 'average', but when he has had tutoring these seem to shoot up to a much higher level, but quickly drop again once the tutoring finishes.

The positives with his school is that it is such a lovely and remote location that generally catchment is very nice and he goes to school with lovely children. And I know secondary school is right around the corner.

We did start our youngest child there in Sept 2024, but made the decision to take him out of the school, and move him to the school where my husband works, as they were not managing what they described as his 'emotional outbursts' and we felt my husbands school could better support with the benefit of my husband being onsite.

The school also said that my youngest son behaviour was detrimentally impacting my eldest son - as he was upset by seeing his younger sibling unsettled at school, so I thought by changing our youngest we would allow my older child to be more focused.

Fast forwarding, i am now just questioning everything after a bad parents evening last night. Basically saying our eldest isn't focusing, seems dazed, not responsive or contributing in class. I don't understand how he is a totally different child at football, rugby, home then this child at school.

He recently passed an aptitude test for a selective secondary school - in an area which he has never received recognition for in current school. I am so worried I've effectively put him in the totally wrong environment. He should be thriving at school, and it feels like an emotional drain sending him there everyday.

I work full time but am seriously thinking about homeschooling him for last 2 terms. My husband is a head teacher and is quite anti-homeschooling, but I am at my wits end.

I moved my year 6 because of bullying. They are a completely different child. Did it at the end of yr 5 because a place became available. Absolutely no regrets. The school was old fashioned, SLT stuck in old ways with no ability to flex. I felt like it was my child that was the problem. Thankfully they have settled well, new friends, enjoying school again. I wish I’d had the nerve to do it sooner.

I’d just ask the child what he wants to do. I wouldn’t want him to miss out on all the normal end of year 6 events but not sure if they would even have those at a very small school.

When my DD was getting to the end of both pre-school and primary school, the schools had changed in ways that were not good, but I left her there because she was almost done. But if she’d have had longer left then I’d have moved her. I wouldn’t have been happy to have had younger children coming along behind her - they definitely would have gone elsewhere.

Like everyone else asking, is your son enjoying being in that school, has good friends, etc? Have you had a discussion with him about why he's loosing concentration, is he bored?
I'm just thinking that it's nearly the end of primary for him, with Christmas, February, Easter and May holiday breaks coming, it's literally just months left of school year. Does the school have any end of year 6 activities like residential, last sports day in primary, end of year/ primary celebrations that he looks forward to spending with his friends?
Or is he unhappy and ready to move on to experience this in a new environment with new kids? I wouldn't worry too much about sats and his performance in this school anymore as long as he's happy going and enjoying his friends. He's got his secondary school choices already. This is the time to celebrate his primary years in this school and allow him to have fun.
Will he enjoy leaving all this behind for home schooling?

I wouldn’t move him if he’s happy.
i would, however, address the points you’ve raised in your post with the school. Lay it on the table. Why is he recognised as able elsewhere but not in the school. Why has he not received recognition for achievements over the years? Why is he able to achieve during tutoring but not seemingly retain what he has learned? Why do they think the reason is behind the behaviours they’re seeing? Is he just done with primary? Is it not interesting him- Y6 is about consolidation of learning. Very little new learning. Maybe he’s bored. Are they tentatively suggesting there might be another reason for lack of focus in low interest activities, where you see high levels on engagement in high interest activities (sports).
Have it out with them in a polite and enquiring manner in a way that will be supportive to his transition

I agree with @Gemst199
I also wondered if there were signs of undiagnosed ADHD with suggested inattentiveness and you also suggested emotional dysregulation in younger brother. Also sounds like he thrives in movement activities.

Personally I would try to avoid a move in Year 6. Year 6 focuses on transition and works at getting pupils ready for the move ahead. It’s also filled with lovely moments of reflection and celebration of all their little memories together. You mentioned he has great friends in school and that can’t be underestimated. My daughter transitioned to post primary this year and reflects often about all her lovely memories from year 6 and earlier.

Talk to your son and try and see if he will open up. Connection is important and year 6 is a big year so get time together if you can. Little walks, hot chocolate etc. Focus on the positives and highlight that for him. That he’s great at sport, smart etc. Let him know there’s no pressure to perform academically; just that he tries his best. Encourage him to share his feelings and let him know that all feelings are ok. And that sharing any problems means you can help him solve them too, if that’s possible.

Check nothing else has changed that could be impacting concentration eg. Diet, sleep, screen time.

Hopefully you and your son come to the best decision together. Remember year 6 can be an anxious time for children and parents with so much change in the horizon. Keep doing lots of what he loves which seems to be sport and don’t put too much pressure on him
or yourself ❤️

My DD has inattentive ADHD. Her school was fine with her working at average levels. As long as she made consistent progress - being consistently average - her school was happy. They did say she didn't pay much attention, but I don't think they'd have done anything about it as they were much more focused on the children not making the expected level. The ed psych we took her to concluded that she's bright and was bored. She had no problems paying attention to the assessment she did. Her report did make the school increase their expectations of her. She did eventually get the ADHD diagnosis too.

Homeschooling for the last 2 terms will make it harder when he goes to secondary school, maintaining his current friendships etc

I think a lot of kids do outgrow primary by year 6. I imagine that is just more pronounced with such a small school. I wouldn’t move at this point but just ride it out and focus on transition. However, I think you need to probe a little bit more to understand why he’s not focused so it doesn’t become an issue at secondary. With a school that size, class sizes must be small unless you’ve got a massive mix of years.

I don’t think I would home school him for two terms at this stage unless his mental health was really suffering - I think he’ll want to see his friends. But you could do things after school and weekends with him to boost his confidence in himself as a leaner

How did they word that in report out of interest

Is your child happy at school? What does He want to do? Every child is going to improve with tutoring, unless the tutor is very, very bad. I can't imagine a single child who wouldn't learn more one-to-one than in a class, whether they have multiple severe learning difficulties or are the brightest child around. I think you need to try and work out why he is so different at school and at home, as that will be the key to whether it is something about THIS school that would be fixed by moving school, or something that is more about him.

If he has passed for a selective secondary school then he must be doing ok academically? Could he go to husbands school? What about friends?

Which bit of it are you interested in? The report didn't pull any punches.

I agree with this.
I would only change him if he really wanted it.
Instead I would be focussing on next year and the opportunities secondary will offer.
It is really hard to move in year 6 as a lot of what happens in year 6 is actually about leaving, transition, moving on etc, which is best done alongside kids you know.
So, talk to him and see what he wants

You are on the home straight now. Just leave him where he is.

It’s only really one term of work and SATS, then a ‘leisure’ term with all the creative stuff they can’t fit in whilst cramming, isn’t it? Better to do the fun stuff with friends, I’d have thought.