Is 8am to 5pm too long for 4DS at school?!

[Natasha198]

I have just been offered a job which means I need to put DS in breakfast club 2 days a week, and one of those days will also include after-school club until 5pm. Friday will be until 4.30ish. I will be getting him the other days.

Other people must be doing this so please let me know if you think this is too long for that day, or if you do the same so I feel better about myself

Think it depends a lot on your child. Mine is already shattered so I wouldn't want to make the day even longer. A friend's child copes well.

And the day of the week. A long day on Friday would be better than a long day on Monday.

Of course it is fine.
Breakfast club isn't school. It is breakfast (or after school) club, which is completely different.
You are making it sound like you are making them have 3 or 4 hours of extra lessons.
Many, many dc go to wraparound care every day of the week.
It is perfectly normal.

I just turned down the perfect (for me) job because my DC started in reception and I would have had the same situation. I was gutted but I know it would have been too much for them. That's my kid though, and I don't know yours and he may be fine.

I'm worried he's going to be overwhelmed on that day. He is exhausted most days after school and it feels mean leaving him at school (especially when he's just started school). I get people do this every day, I have friends that do too, but just asking for opinions.

@RedTitBlueTitOldTitNewTit can I ask, was after-school going to be for 1 day or 2/all week?

You're going to have a lot of varying opinions here as people feel the need to justify their own decisions. After school club won't harm your child either way (and I say this as someone who works school hours and has a MIL who does pick up on the rare days I have to be in the office).

You need to think about what is right for you and your family - sometimes it is about being able to give some extra back to the family by taking a job, other times the time may be more valuable than the finances.

TBH, it is a lot less than many other kids go to ASC, and they may enjoy it (most kids I know do). You would be surprised how quickly they adapt, and how well a lot of ASC clubs deal.with it.

2 days is ok, I have to put them in 2 days, they’re really tired and a bit cranky afterwards and so easier when it’s a Wednesday and a Thursday or Friday- I feel guilty for a Monday but actually they enjoy it, as someone said it’s not extra classes. I wouldn’t do it more than 3 days a week though just because of tiredness

In that case I'd say if you really need to do it financially, then do it. But if not, I'd try really hard to avoid him needing to go.

Lots of children have to do this to accomodate their parents’ work, mine included. He’ll adapt.

Like everyone says, it depends on the child.

Mine does 8:15 to 16:35ish, and I think she would manage 8:00 to 17:00. I actually think the after school club let's her decompress a little, at least in certain ways. She did use to do longer than that at nursery, though. I've actually just switched jobs to have shorter hours!

Maybe you could see if there are any after school places available tomorrow to trial it? He could surprise you. It's almost certainly too late for breakfast club, but the after school club is likely to have places on a Friday afternoon. Monday would certainly be better, but I don't know when you need to give your answer?

Depends on child, I had one who napped after school and one who was the energiser bunny. They have completely switched around now, grown up

One or two days a week will be fine. He'll probably be tired and maybe it won't be his preference, but if you working is best for family finances/your wellbeing then he can be tired two afternoons a week.

The other option is to look for a childminder, which may be more of halfway house between home and school. Or you could look for a babysitter for those two afternoons. It'd suit a student or someone with their own child maybe.

He will quickly get used to it, it's only 2 days, try to create a streamlined routine so dinner bath and bed are automatic on those days so perhaps that looks like a freezer dinner he likes a lot, quick bath and lots of cuddles and only one story for bed.
Think long term, as a SAHM I think mothers should absolutely take opportunities when they pop up even if it's a bit disruptive, children adapt and it's not all about them, we sacrifice enough as it is.

I can’t see any issue; my 12 month old does 8-5 at nursery 3 days a week.

That's really not that much, mine does 3 days wraparound and I dont notice any chance in tiredness. But trickier fitting everything in and if I won the lottery I wouldn't do it, but its fine

It depends on your child and how much they like breakfast and after school club.

Mine was perfectly happy at ASC last year age 4. This year she hates it 🤷‍♀️

If you have to do it then you have to do it though... Tell him that you need to work so you can afford to buy him toys!

One of my grandchildren does this some days and seems fine. They love going to breakfast club and afterschool club and are very put out when I pick them up at 3.20 one day a week.

Can you trial him the club to see what he thinks? My dd loves the chance to use the playground equipment in a less crowded situation and run around with friends after school. She seems to do her decompression there so she seems less tired on those days somehow

Mine loves it - it's essentially playing with friends after school, she asks to go in on the days she goes home on time. But it does really depend on the club and who else is in there, which is hard to judge in advance.

I'll put my head above the parapet and say yes, it is too long a day. That's in some cases, longer than a grown adult's working day.

But then I do understand and sympathise with working parents, what exactly are you supposed to do.

He’ll be ok. Especially as he gets older and used to school. We’ve done for more than 2 days per week. We’ve had to go work. No family support etc. they loved being with friends and got fed too!

Is the job worth it/needed? If it’s a meh job then maybe wait a year until he’s more settled. But if you do really need to snap this up now and it will improve quality of life then go for it.

also check things like school holiday clubs near you.

My 4 year old goes 730-530 3 days a week. She loves it! Not really any other option working full time.

It would have been breakfast x 5 days and after school x 5 days (the day would have been 7.45 to 4.45). As I say, it was gutting because it was the job I'd been working for years to get, but I also knew that not only would it be exhausting for him, that exhaustion would have had a knock on effect on the whole household because we'd have all been dealing with a weepy 4 year old all week and into the weekend.

He will be absolutely fine. Go for it! Playing with new friends - what’s not to like?!

if you can get a place of course. IME if you don’t pre book in May then they are full by September. You may need to waitlist.

also consider if there is a local childminder with a space. This may be a better option - home from home and they often will feed your kid supper at a reasonable time so you can just get them home, do stories, bedtime etc.

If you stick with wraparound care school you will need to be organised to feed him proper food for breakfast and for supper. IME the food at wrap around care is at best just a snack.
instant pot or slow cooker will be your friend.

also will need to be organised to get any homework done at weekends, as weeknights will be tricky.

suggest you don’t organise too much else at weekends until you can gauge impact on yours and his energy levels.

mine has always done wrap around care long days. On at least 3, if not 4, days a week. No choice with 2 working parents even if we are wfh.

it does get easier!

you must check out holiday clubs and work out which ones will take him. Not all of them will take 4, or even 5yos.

however it is totally do’able if you want the job.

FWIW our kids also did full days at nursery. 8am-6pm (and when we lived overseas 630am - 430pm!).
yes they are tired but that’s ok. Builds resilience if you don’t over do it the rest of the time and they have plenty of down time.