School uniform tantrums

[YogiBearcub]

Hello!

I'm a bit afraid to post this in case I get the same response as my Mum gave me - "toughen up, slap him in the face & tell him to get on with it!" but we are having a terrible time getting DS to wear his school uniform. He started a new school this autumn and they're just switching to a winter uniform (5 days in) which he hates (polo shirt with 3 buttons and wool shorts with 4 buttons). Our son HATES buttons to the point I have stopped buying him clothes with them (maybe this was my fatal mistake). The buttons have now been cut out, but he still screams, cries, sobs and wails for 30mins every morning before DH & I have to literally shove him into the clothes & strap him to his car seat - with him sobbing all the way to the school. According to DS the shorts are itchy (being wool) and the polo shirt is hard (compared to the usual t-shirts and jumpers he wears without complaint). I can't get him to wear wool either anymore. When he was a baby/toddler (up to approx 2) he wore all these items without problems.

We bought the uniform the first day it was available in August (he's required to wear the exact clothes of the school with logos etc) and were showing him it regularly to get him used to the idea of wearing it but it has obviously not helped. We also have shown him how all the other children wear it as it was intended (with buttons) and have pointed out how some change to their civvies as soon as they leave the school (saying he can do the same). We've threatened to take him to the local public school which we did look at before deciding on an excellent and cheap (compared to the UK) private option nearby (DS is terrified of this as complained it's smelly - they were having a plumbing problem the day of our tour) but he still won't get dressed without a fight. I have to take my glasses and all jewelry off/tie back my hair to get him dressed as he will lash out and scratch/pull whatever he can get hold of while we attempt to dress him in this outfit. We are at our wits' end. He has never liked going to nursery or school but this is worse than ever before and causing me so much stress on a daily basis I don't know what to do apart from ask for some advice!!!

We live in Spain and although I know that in the UK if you can prove your kid has some sensory issues related to e.g. autism or ADHD you are legally allowed to ask for the kid not to wear a uniform, I am not keen to go down that route here. I believe he needs to wear the uniform as we don't want to raise him to think he can go through life wearing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt (his preferred outfit). Hence I'm exclusively looking for advice to get him wearing the uniform, not ways to make the school change their policy.

Please let me know if you have any ideas <3!! xx

I can guarantee he is not OK once in school. Everything in your OP screams additional needs of some kind. Quite honestly, I’d start the assessment ball rolling and work from there.

Can you or a local tailor line the shorts with a less itchy fabric - cotton or viscose maybe? I have sympathy for him, I have the same problem with wool. Regarding the polo shirt, repeated ironing and fabric conditioner as others have suggested (and also a vest underneath).

Boxers under the shorts and can you wash the polo shirt in something that makes it softer?

Could the itchy shorts have a nice soft lining put in?

WOOL shorts?! That sounds insane!
I actually can’t wear wool because it makes me itch and I do remember crying about wearing jumpers as a kid because they genuinely were so uncomfortable and itchy.
Can’t he have similar shorts in cotton, or can you line the wool shorts?
Or tbh this is something I would move schools over, if they are that inflexible about a uniform for a 5 year old it’s just not a school I’d want my child to be at.

My ds is similar op, he hates rigid school uniform but luckily his primary school let him wear cotton joggers and I have found softer polo shirts for him. I don't know what we will do next year at secondary when he'll need to wear proper trousers and shirt and tie! He says it makes him feel like his whole body is on fire.

He's the same with shoes, I just keep buying him the same shoes on repeat as he won't tolerate anything else.

He sounds autistic. It isn't his fault he finds them uncomfortable. He isn't doing it to be difficult.

Hi @YogiBearcubjust in case you come back to this thread...you could try football skins under his uniform. We used short sleeved skins and the cycling shorts for both our dc under their uniforms. It helped that both out dc like football so were able to sell it to them that the top footballers often were an extra layer under their kit. Perhaps more so in the colder UK weather than Spain though.

Oh and none of us ever wear wool without some sort of lining. I can’t even wear wool gloves as the thought makes me itch.

Your son sounds under a lot of pressure and he needs you to try to understand his needs more accurately. He is four, and had a traumatic incident previously, when he was away from the safety of his parents. He attends a school without yet being able to understand what his teachers and classmates are saying.
He is displaying clear signs of distress. As his parents, who are struggling with this situation, you have to look beyond how difficult it is for you to get him dressed in the morning.
You may be exhausted by his behaviour, but I suggest that he firstly needs to feel more secure both at home and at school.

Thank you @CagneyNYPD1 ! This is another great suggestion! It does get cold where we are in Spain too, just not yet! Today he told me the reason he doesn't like the shorts is that they are too warm (definitely was the case last week) so I guess once we have more observations to work on (4th time wearing the uniform today) we can get to the bottom of why he doesn't like the shorts. Really appreciate you taking the time to comment!

Gosh, that sounds so hard! I was hoping it is a phase at 4 (maybe after summer holidays) that he will grow out of! Good luck with the secondary school next year! Is your son autistic or have any other SEND that you've had diagnosed? It seems many here think that because he complains about the uniform he must have a condition - I wasn't aware of this!

Could he wear cotton cycling shorts under them so the fabric isn’t against his skin?

Thank you! I think I need to try a few more days of this uniform to get to the bottom of this problem. Today he complained they are too hot so lining them currently would not seem to be the answer. But Tuesday he complained they are too colourful. Thursday last week they were itchy and the first day (Tuesday last week) they had buttons. I am really not yet sure what the problem is. The polo shirt goes from being too hard to too white to having a terrible logo stitched on... This morning was the best it's been (4th day he wore this outfit) after I used as many of the tips on here as I could (and I made a point of explaining to him everything I was doing/had done to make the uniform more bearable). He even had me sew the internal buttons back into the short (the ones that make them smaller) because he prefers buttons to having to keep hoisting up the shorts all the time. That to my mind is HUGE!

So let's give it a few more days. He is only 4, he has worn the uniform 4 times, and we are coming out of a period where he wore sweat shorts and a t-shirt every day for the last 6 months. The weather is changing so he may be glad later to get the shorts lined and that they are 45% wool - I simply don't know yet!!! THanks for taking time to comment!

Hi! I have not actually raised it with the school yet and he's only 4. He'd only worn it 3 times when I originally posted. The shorts are not actually that itchy (45% wool only) and he complains about a different thing each day - they are too colourful (checkered red and blue), too warm, too many buttons (today I had to put the buttons back on because they had been too loose Tuesday) - the story changes every day. Anyway, I have got so many helpful ideas on here it has been well worth it and many things to check out later in case nothing helps!!

exactly what I did today! + A vest top under the polo shirt. It was much improved! Thanks for commenting :-)

I don't think there is enough info in my post to say this. Having read through autism symptoms many times before and checking them again just now he certainly does not have it. The only thing he has is problems with speaking in school which I think we know the reason for (he speaks to the same kids outside of school) and then of course the sensitivity to wearing this uniform (or indeed at the moment - anything that's not a stretchy sweatshirt material). I think we have to try a few more days of wearing the uniform to see if it gets better when using all the good tips I've received here.

Oh, OP, I feel for you! Ds aged 10 once refused to put it on and hid on the top bunk. I was reduced to tears (didn't want to be late for work or him to school, had no idea what to do).

In the end DD talked him into it.

It did get better.

We do think he has a touch of social anxiety. The prior SEND-focused school where we accidentally & very unfortunately sent him last year (the one good thing they did have was experts in this field) said that he may have this when we questioned why he wasn't talking at school. However they said that he is absolutely fine playing with other kids non-verbally & interacting with teachers non-verbally, while academically doing everything that's expected at his age. Our psychologist we used for about 4 months thought he is 100% fine and just needs more playdates to get over the scare he had at his first school in Spain.

At his new school his teacher has said he has started to say isolated words to her one-on-one even in Spanish (or English) and he plays nicely with the other kids non-verbally but laughs out loud or squeals if something funny happens. This is of course HUGE progress and the main reason we are keen to keep him where he is at all costs rather than uproot him again when he takes a long time to feel secure in new settings. Hopefully this adds more context!

For what it's worth, he was exactly the same at nursery in London - it was the best place ever but every time I dropped him off he was clinging to me like a koala and crying when I gave him to the teacher. But then we'd be told he settled into the nursery routine within 5mins, turned into a chatterbox, and we received lots of pictures of him throughout the day clearly having fun. As we have the psychologist at school who says he is totally fine & we are seeing good progress already I think we just need to give it more time. We asked if she thinks we need to start any psychologist sessions but she said not needed at this stage, she thinks he is OK.

Thank you for sharing - it is good to know we are not alone!!! :-)

It's a great idea to try once the weather gets colder if he goes back to complaining that they are itchy (today they were "too warm")! I am going crazy with this guessing game, can only hope it gets better with time. Today (day 4 of new uniform) was already a lot easier, glasses and jewelry didn't need to come off and we only had a few tears when he was put into the car seat.

He does not have a diagnosis, but does have some traits. We've mostly been able to support him and understand him, he does well socially and academically so with current waiting lists for diagnosis we're not sure if it is worth the battle. School don't see any issues at all, although we see it at home.

He is stubborn as hell, with very rigid thinking and ideas, he won't do something if he doesn't want to - bribery doesn't work with this kid! His diet is limited and we have the sensory issues with clothes. But he's bright and articulate and funny and popular. Even if your ds does have a neuro diversion it doesn't change who he is.

Can he wear some
lycra shorts under the wool shorts to stop the itching?