Lateness at primary school - what can they actually DO to the parent?

[charliecat]

My friends school are hounding her for being late.
They have said the EWO officer will be involved next time.
So if she pretends they are sick for the WHOLE DAY nothing happens and they miss a day at school.
But if they are 5 mins late shes hit on like a ton of bricks...anyway, what can they do about lateness?

"she is worried because they have said One More Time and...I cant remember exactly what was said, but from her words the kids CANNOT be late one more time."

Do you think its possible that the school were offering support, but your friend, being depressed, got in a state about it and only heard part of what was being said? I think that the problem does need to be solved - it is not 'normal' to sleep through 2 alarm clocks. (couldn't think of a better word than normal - sorry). I hope your friend gets better. She is very lucky to have support from somebody like you Charliecat.

Hopefully she'll end up in parenting classes/magistrates court. A disrupted education, coupled with a parent who's basically saying to her kids "I don't think school is important" will have a devastating affect on their futures, including their own ability to prioritise, organise and later, hold down a career.
Why on earth people can't get their kids to school on time astounds me. If she's getting up at 8am that's the problem!! We are all up at 7am and dressed and ready by 8am which gives us half an hour before leaving the house with which to find the missing recorder, pe kit whatever last minute thing that crops up. We hit the playground at 8:45 and the bell goes at 8:50. Setting an alarm clock (and a good example to her children) is not rocket science or something she needs help and advice with. When it rings, she has to get her butt out of bed. She either cares enough to get her kids to school or she doesn't and clearly... she doesn't.

KaSo, this woman is depressed. If she was healthy, then getting up in the morning wouldn't seem like an unsurmountable problem.

Of course we can't understand how things look to her if we are not in her position.

So shall we carry on? Let's go to the mental health section and tell any anorectic women we find there that we can't see what their problem is: stuffing food in your mouth isn't rocket science.
Then to the Special Needs section, can't see what they're whittering on about: our children can all dress themselves and interact with other people.
Then onto Relationships: I can't see why people should have to get divorced, I've never wanted to.

Or perhaps we could just accept that different people struggle with different problems and that some people need help with situations that others don't even notice.

Disrupted sleep and consequent tiredness/sleeping in the wrong place is a typical sympton of depression. As is inability to get moving.

Sorry if I sound harsh but I have struggled for the last 4 years to get a child with panic attacks into school and am very well aware that the only reason that this works (more or less) is that it's not me having the panic attacks.

I understand she had depression and I am sure it is dehilibating but - and I do mean this but - she needs to get some different medication and put her children first - it's all very well doing this in reception and year 1 but higher up in the school the children will be bullied for always being late and will probably miss out on education yes only 5 minute chunks but add them all up.

This will sound harsh but it sounds like she needs to see someone before this gets even worse.

erm dynamic nanny it is not okay to do this even in reception and year 1!

Just because they dont do SATS in these years it doesnt mean they shouldn't be in school in time. They miss valuable parts of the daily routine, at my school 15 mins late and they would miss things like handwriting practice, speaking and listening, guided reading, mental maths (these things dont get repeated for latecomers), and if they are 5 mins late then the entire class or at least a group would end up missing part of one of those things while the teacher deals with the latecomer, making sure they have been put in the register at the office, that they have ordered the lunch if they need one, do they need their book changing etc etc - it is unfair on the child concerned, the rest of the class , the office staff and the teacher if it is done continually no matter what year the child is in.

i have every sympathy with your friend charlie cat and the above is not aimed at her (just makes me really angry when people think what happens in reception and year one doesnt matter), i have been fighting depression for the last 2.5 years, 2 of which i have had to get dd to nursery at 7.30 3 mornings and then drive 15 miles to work - it can be done and at times it is like hell and i arrive at work in tears but it sounds like your friend is really intent on making this situation better for herself and the children and that she needs help, so if the EWO is a good one then then getting involved wont neccesarily be a bad thing.

In my situation i know that somtimes the only thing that works for me is having no choice at all about somthing (eg for me, i have to be at work by 8am, latest) so someone official getting involved may be the kick start she needs (as long as they come with some helpfull advice of course)

i know i would second the idea of a very loud alarm clock set at least 30 mins before you have to get up, and also getting everything ready the night before too.

you dont say how old the children are but maybe they can have alarm clocks too (if they are school age then i'm sure they could work them) and if they are old enough to make themselves a bowl of cereal or even eat a cereal bar if its easier, then also get them selves dressed - use a star chart or treats to make sure they actually want to do it, then your friend only hads to get out of bed put on her clohtes and walk out the door.

or how early does her partner leave the house, can he supervise them getting up and dressed and sit them in front of c beebies with their breakfast to help) my dh leaves a bit before me but he has done this for me a few times when i've had a really bad night

i am a teacher and i know EWO can be informed about any kind of lateness if it happens very often (enough for school to be concerned) this includes being late before the register returns to office (as this is marked too) being late after it has gone to office and also parents turning up late to collect. It is done for the childrens best interests, if any of these things happen on a regular basis it can really affect the child, honestly.

Sending postive thoughts to your friend, hope she finds somthign to help her get this one sorted

I agree Gingernut - they shouldn't miss any education = didn't phrase it very well 0 just meant it may seem ok to let them have this time occassionally, ,but know how awful it is to be trying to do something when a latecomer arrives or having to hold out because jimmy hasn't turned up etc

Here's a practical suggestion - can she move all the clocks / watches etc forward 10 or 15 minutes. That way, she'll get everywhere, including school, 15 mins earlier.

There but for the grace of God go YOU. The way you are all condemning this poor woman is astonishing! Let he(she) who is without sin cast the first stone.
I too have a debilitating disease and have had depression more times than I care to admit. I often can't raise my head from my pillow regardless of the amount of sleep I get. My Ds has been late for school too - many times, but we are trying - so too is this poor suffering woman.

How can anyone on here spit such venom on someone who is ill and suffering? How many people on this site scream for help with their depression and so many of you jump up to support them...I'm sorry, but words fail me for your inability to show some compassion. Unbelievable
Cory, that was very well put.
Charliecat, I hope your friend gets well soon and thank goodness she has you.

erm, i did not condemn this lady, i have the utmost sympathy for her, all i said was that is can be done and hopefully she can find a way to get them to school on time and also get herself better, it IS a debilitating illness that in my experience very few people seem to understand.

"The way you are all condemning this poor woman is astonishing!", no not ALL.

positive thoughts to your frined charliecat i really hope you can poass on some of these ideas to your friend and ignore those who do condemn her behaviour.

just to second the idea about the clocks, that is a really good idea to set them fast, somthing my nan did years a go and she is never ever late to anywhere, but to be honest if your friend is that bad with the depression i think its that which needs sorting out, does she see the GP at all, councelling etc etc?

erm, i did not condemn this lady, i have the utmost sympathy for her, all i said was that is can be done and hopefully she can find a way to get them to school on time and also get herself better, it IS a debilitating illness that in my experience very few people seem to understand.

"The way you are all condemning this poor woman is astonishing!", no not ALL.

positive thoughts to your frined charliecat i really hope you can poass on some of these ideas to your friend and ignore those who do condemn her behaviour.

just to second the idea about the clocks, that is a really good idea to set them fast, somthing my nan did years a go and she is never ever late to anywhere, but to be honest if your friend is that bad with the depression i think its that which needs sorting out, does she see the GP at all, councelling etc etc?

GNL, if it obviously didn't apply to you, why take it that I was addressing you?
There are very few of us on this thread that have any sympathy or even empathy for this poor lady. I wonder if she'd posted for herself whether she'd have got the same overwhelmingly negative response?

Wow this thread has grown
My friend has managed to get her kids to school on time every day so far you will be pleased to know. Even if they are the ones running at high speed to get in the door just befoe it bangs shut..so the threat, has indeed worked, so far.
I however woke up at 9.15 this morning
She went to the docs about feeling low and weepy and teary etc and the doctor told her to come back in a month She never did.
I asked her if the kids woke her up, and she said they do I said do you whinge at them for disturbing you, she said she tells them she will be up in a minute, falls back asleep and repeat...

Whatever she's doing see if she can do it half an hour earlier??
Get clothes out and lunch made the night before, get dressed before they get downstairs and even have breakfast bowls ready and cereal.

That's disgusting behaviour from the GP. That makes me so mad!

shit, I was late today

just missed the bell and went in through office, feel awful now

Can she set herself a rigid routine and stick by it absolutely?

I suffer from depression and anxiety and I find that if I tell myself that I must do something at X time because it is part of "The Routine" then I can get myself through whole chunks of the day without thinking at all. "The Routine" becomes what compels you to act - and I mean a routine down to the minute - up at 5.06, downstairs by 5.21 out door at 5.27 etc. I find if I focus on the time and the need to get tasks done by a specific time I stop feeling overwhelmed and unable to do anything.