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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Son in reception only started and as he’s not eating lunch have told me to collect him at 12

40 replies

Bella39x · 29/09/2025 13:57

My son has just started reception at his school. He has a packed lunch and they eat it in the hall with two other years. There’s also hot food but I pack a lunch. The teacher said he won’t eat anything in his lunch box and as he’s not I need to to collect him at 12 when lunch time starts. I worried that he’s missing out on playing and making new friends. And don’t want him to miss out on the lessons in the afternoon as he comes home and just watches tv. Not sure on what I should do or if should email the school as I’m not happy with it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Princesspollyyy · 29/09/2025 13:58

Is he not meant to be there all day?

Just tell them you are at work and there is nobody home to collect him, and he will be collected at the end of the school day.

Keroppi · 29/09/2025 14:00

Yes speak to the head and make a plan. Whether that's eating at a different table or time or speaking to the senco or some alternative arrangements surely can be made.
Why isn't he eating his packed lunch, have the teacher or your son said? Does he eat fine at home? You could drop him back after?
What if you were at work

Glitterballofdreams · 29/09/2025 14:02

My son has also just started school, and finds lunchtime overwhelming. He started off with school dinners but is now packed lunch as he wasn’t eating either.
i think the school needs to try harder, you collecting your son won’t help in the long term. Maybe ask to speak with the teacher/head and see what they can do to support your son during this transition. Could a staff member he is comfortable with sit with him at lunch to chat and gently encourage eating? Could they ensure he is sat with other children he is comfortable with, or around the kids who always finish their lunch. Is it too noisy in the hall? If your son is sensitive to sound could they provide a smaller area to eat with a couple of other kids until he gets used to his new surroundings? Does your son help to pack his lunch? I’ve involved mine with the prep and he likes to look at his lunch before he goes to school so he knows exactly what he is having.
All the best x

CatsorDogsrule · 29/09/2025 14:05

Are they perhaps asking you to take him home for lunch, then return for the afternoon?

What is in his lunch, can you try something else that he is more likely to eat? I used to be a lunch supervisor and there was such variety in the packed lunches.

Simpler lunch main items like sandwiches or pasta in a flask often went down better than yesterday's leftover dinner, for example.

Not too much food either, as it can be overwhelming. Things they can open themselves are best too. Peeling oranges, for example, was very time consuming for us when lots of children needed help.

sittingonabeach · 29/09/2025 14:06

Surely you take him back after lunch or is this more about other things than just lunch? Schools can’t normally tell you to take your child home as that could be regarded as illegal exclusion, part-time timetables have to be agreed and usually for as short a period as possible. Are they doing staggered starts, or is it only your child that is missing afternoon?

pizzaHeart · 29/09/2025 14:06

I think it’s common. I would pack less and only things he would definitely eat.
Has he had the opportunity to eat a packed lunch before? Especially without you.
added: when I put that it’s common I meant him not eating not school asking to collect - that is not common practice at all.

Bitzee · 29/09/2025 14:08

Ask for a meeting with the school to discuss. Do you have idea why he’s not eating? What does your son say about it? Does he like his lunch, is it easy to eat and can he open containers/packets himself? Do you think he’s overwhelmed by the noise and would the offer of a quiet space and/or ear defenders help? Would he prefer to have the school hot lunch with friends? Obviously you do need him to eat something but what if you were working FT, and even if you weren’t working wouldn’t the suggestion be he goes home for lunch break then comes back to school for afternoon lessons.

LIZS · 29/09/2025 14:08

Can he try hot lunches, is he usually picky or just wanting to go out to play?

purplecorkheart · 29/09/2025 14:11

Do you know why he is not eating his lunch. Is he struggling to open his lunch box? Is there food that he is not used to? Does he eat his lunch when he comes home?

I don't think that the school should be sending him home for not eating.

LIZS · 29/09/2025 14:20

Could you return him for the afternoon, otherwise you can argue sending him hime at 12 is an illegal exclusion.

IneedtheeohIneedtheeeveryhourIneedthee · 29/09/2025 14:23

Ridiculous answer from the school. Washing their hands of him rather than helping to solve the problem.
You have a job to do and he is entitled to be in FT school as he is Reception age.

He needs to eat his lunch - get to the bottom of why he won't. Don't put a lot in his lunch box and involve him in the packing process. Seeing a lot of food can be overwhelming for a small child.

Is the hall noisy? Could he be say at a quiet corner with a couple of friends?

sittingonabeach · 29/09/2025 14:24

Can you do something else with him in the afternoon other than watching tv?

BiffandChip2 · 29/09/2025 14:28

As a teacher though how would you feel teaching them knowing they've eaten nothing? We also ask for them to be collected at 12 if they aren't eating as it's not OK to be in school when they haven't eaten a thing.

Surprised he isn't eating his packed lunch though if you're providing - usually with ours it's the school dinners that cause it. Any SEN?

Thickasabrick89 · 29/09/2025 14:31

sittingonabeach · 29/09/2025 14:24

Can you do something else with him in the afternoon other than watching tv?

Like what?? Locking him in his bedroom for a few hours?

I assume he watches TV because the parent needs to work during the day.

Treeleaf11 · 29/09/2025 14:32

Are you around during the day to collect him? School should be trying harder but as a temporary thing could you collect him and go to a bench/park/sit in the car while he eats then take him back in.

labourthenewrightwingparty · 29/09/2025 14:33

Has your son said why he isn’t eating?
Why packed lunches?
Was he familiar with the lunch box and the lunch?
What alternatives have the school tried? Eg ear defenders, earlier lunch with TA or eating in a quiet room?
Did you tell school you can bring him back for the afternoon?
Why is he spending all afternoon watching TV?

MeridaBrave · 29/09/2025 14:34

My son is in year 11 and has never eaten a thing a school.

sittingonabeach · 29/09/2025 14:44

If OP is working she shouldn't have agreed with school to pick him up? Part-time timetables have to be agreed, school can't just tell her to pick him up and miss the afternoon everyday

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 29/09/2025 14:52

Will he graze on snacks?

My DS won't eat lunch at lunchtime. He has no concept of lunchtime and it's too overwhelming for him. They will let him eat his snacks in the classroom though as and when he needs them. It's a small adjustment and the other children aren't missing out because they have their meals at meal times.

Funnywonder · 29/09/2025 14:55

I have never heard anything so ridiculous. Obviously everyone would prefer that children eat their lunch, but why on earth would they be sent home for not doing so? My youngest spent all of P7 (Year 6 equivalent) eating nothing more than a Curlywurly for lunch because he has OCD and was anxious about germs. Sometimes he didn’t even eat it because he thought someone had breathed near it. The teacher had a chat with me and I assured her that he ate porridge before school and then had something filling when he got home. No question of sending him home. I think it’s good for the teacher to be concerned, but that’s where it should end.

FlockofSquirrels · 29/09/2025 20:32

For a reception-aged child, not eating anything at lunch, especially if he's also not eating snacks at school, is a genuine problem. Older children are different and can choose to go longer (still not ideal obviously), but a 4 or 5 year-old is unlikely to benefit from afternoon lessons if they aren't eating lunch and going that long without food may contribute to bigger behavioral issues.

But you picking him up at lunch is a fairly absurd place to start with addressing this issue. Have they really not asked to try other things first? Changes to his packed lunch, eating hot lunch, ear defenders, moving his seat, and a bigger morning and afternoon snack if he'll eat something then are all far better starting places.

mathanxiety · 29/09/2025 20:49

BiffandChip2 · 29/09/2025 14:28

Surprised he isn't eating his packed lunch though if you're providing - usually with ours it's the school dinners that cause it. Any SEN?

You expect parents to leave work and take a child home because they haven't eaten their lunch?

Blimey.

lljkk · 29/09/2025 21:16

Why don't you take him back after he has lunch at home?

I was a dinner lady with reception kids... I couldn't believe how slowly some of them ate. By yr5 they are wolfing down their food in micro-seconds, but the little ones really struggle to focus, some of them.

ForLoveNotMoney · 29/09/2025 21:22

Would he drink a peadisure type drink as a compromise?

Littletreefrog · 29/09/2025 21:23

What have they actually said? Have they said pick him up at 12 and don't bring him back? Have they said take him home to eat lunch then bring him back to school?

Why has DS said be isn't eating his lunch? Can you suggest you pack a small amount of food he really likes and slowly build up to a larger amount. He won't starve and as he settles he will probably eat more. Or would be rather try eating school dinners which are free for his age?

There must be better ideas to solve this than taking him home.

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