Son in reception only started and as he’s not eating lunch have told me to collect him at 12

[Bella39x]

My son has just started reception at his school. He has a packed lunch and they eat it in the hall with two other years. There’s also hot food but I pack a lunch. The teacher said he won’t eat anything in his lunch box and as he’s not I need to to collect him at 12 when lunch time starts. I worried that he’s missing out on playing and making new friends. And don’t want him to miss out on the lessons in the afternoon as he comes home and just watches tv. Not sure on what I should do or if should email the school as I’m not happy with it.

Why’s he not doing hot lunches - is he picky? Just wondered if the other kids eating the same thing might encourage him

You can't exclude children for not eating their lunch!

Of course it's ok for them to be at school - they're not going to die between breakfast and snack time.

That’s quite sad you didn’t find a way to help them, they could have eaten in a separate room away from contaminants. Schools are legally required to make reasonable adjustments for children with SEN which covers OCD. Children don’t have the capacity to advocate or think of solutions for themselves, that’s what parents/teachers should be doing.

madness. Never heard of a school sending home for lunch as not eating

Yeah, thanks for that. I didn’t bother my arse trying anything. You haven’t a clue.

DS refuses to eat at school. Has done since reception. He can't stand the smell of the dining hall. He's got a point over 'lunch box' smell. It's a sensory thing. School has been useless over it and just this week I've had his teacher asking about it.

"Yes he's refused to eat in school since reception, thanks for helping with that. It's great you know about this now; it's only yr6 and it took three years for you to actually put his allergy on his file properly despite me telling you on three separate occasions he'd had a problem and that might be part of the problem...".

It's one battle I ultimately have got over because he so worked up and sensitive about it now. It's not ideal but there's no way he's going to shift from refusing to eat in school. He's not died of starvation.

He's ironically looking forward to high school food - the menu is better and most of the kids ditch the lunchbox.

He eats well at home and will eat more stuff and is more adventurous on food than any of his friends - and refuses to eat things like chicken nuggets.

If they had tried to send him home at lunch, I'd have kicked off at their failure to deal with it at school.

I would practise eating his packed lunch at home. Is he able to open everything ok?
You could even pack a lunch for yourself and model how to take each thing out and eat it. Ask him what he would fancy eating first etc. He just needs to get used to having a packed lunch.

Do you check each morning when they come in, that they've eaten breakfast, and turn them away again if they haven't? Do they still get sent away at lunchtime if they've eaten a morning snack?

Give your child a breakfast they like and is filling. Have a snack ready at afternoon pick up time. Many children in Reception eat very little and sometimes nothing. They survive the afternoon and I would never ask for a child to be picked up at 12.

Do you know why he isn’t eating lunch? Can he articulate?

I agree with others - try to come up with a new plan with school staff. But if nothing works I’d explain that you will ensure he has a big breakfast and eats as soon as you collect him from school but you won’t be able to continually collect him at 12pm because you also have to work/other commitments and don’t want him to miss his education!

Tell them no, you won’t be able to collect him.

Yeah, I was wondering this. I’m in Scotland but it would be an unlawful exclusion here, didn’t know about the rest of the UK.

I would be worried he learns this as a tactic to be rewarded (tv at home with mum). Not in a manipulative way as he is very little.

If you can, get him to eat lunch in the most boring, non exciting way and then pop him back into school.

My da never eats lunch at school, he has arfid and other sensory issues with food and people eating around him. I feed him a huge breakfast, send him with a few healthy bites that he might try, sliced chicken, a banana and carrot sticks, and then he has a big snack when he gets home followed by dinner.

They're only at school 8.30-3 ish - they can survive without eating if they're not hungry! Unless there are other factors I would not be entertaining collecting him at 12, that is ridiculous.

Firstly, which has been brought up a lot - WHY is he not eating? you need to find that out if you can.

My DS would be a pretty good eater normally and he barely ate anything his first year at school. Essentially they didn’t get much time (was covid times and so they had some staggered lunch system) and he was too busy talking and desperate to get outside in the playground.

I simplified his lunch right down. Sandwich with a single slice of bread, a few cheese cracker things, or a small amount of pasta, and pretty much nothing else - essentially nothing that took a long time to eat and nothing that was anything other than boring and safe. I felt bad his lunch was tiny, not particularly nutritious and very dull, but at least he was mostly eating it.

But he was getting a decent breakfast, a snack at break (had to be fruit or veg, but he did seem to eat it) and then a snack after school. He was fine.

Hopefully you can get to the bottom of why he’s not eating because I doubt taking him home is going to help much!