Which primary school would you choose?

[AsanteSanaSquashBanana]

I'm really torn between 2 schools for my DS due to start in September ...

School 1: The obvious choice, short walk away, good reputation, all his friends and neighbours will go there, 2 form entry, rated Good. Did the school tour and just felt a bit "meh", we weren't made to feel very welcome and nothing about it really drew me in. Very shabby building, a bit dark and gloomy, wasn't keen on the head teacher (but he looked about retirement age so not sure how he would be there).

School 2: Outstanding school 2 miles away (10 minute drive with no traffic). More affluent area, amazing results, great facilities, 3 form entry with 600+ students in the school, but it didn't feel overcrowded. I was absolutely blown away by the head teacher's presentation and school tour and came away thinking that was 100% our first choice.

However I've been thinking about it more and I don't know if moving him away from his friends and having to drive everyday is a good idea. Parking by school 2 is meant to be a nightmare.

We are lucky that we live in an area with a declining birthrate, so we are likely to be able to get into the school of our choosing (2nd option was always oversubscribed but has had a some places available the last few years, 1st option has quite a few empty spaces in each class).

Which would you go for?

I would pick 2.
a little inconvenience for me travel time is worth it for better school

I would pick 2.
a little inconvenience for me travel time is worth it for better school

Option 2! More likely to have committed parents and better environment in the school.

Having been in a similar situation I went for school 2 - took the longer drive for a school that in my gut felt like the better choice for my children. Mine go to breakfast/afterschool care though so I’m not affected by the busy drop off nightmare and I beat the traffic so I’ve always been happy.
i personally put very little stock on the friendships made in nursery, they are so little that they adapt far quicker than we give them credit for. But if your wee one is particularly shy that maybe is something you want to prioritise.
I do sometimes get the pang that we can’t walk to school, but it would have been a rare treat anyway and my kids love(d) their primary school (one has now moved on to secondary) and I know I made the right choice for them. Better feel and resources outweighs a quick commute for me.

If school 1 didn’t feel right, then don’t go for it. Trust your instincts.

Schools are very undersubscribed this year for reception. In my local area, even the massively oversubscribed ones weren’t full.

I went to look round the primary school where it’s always oversubscribed. It was our nearest and a church school. We don’t go to church and I wouldn’t do it just to get a place. I wasn’t that impressed. Went to the local LA school that everyone loved. Still didn’t like it. Went to a slightly smaller school a bit further away and loved it from the moment I walked in. Didn’t regret our choice once.

I would go with school 1. Do not underestimate the joy of having friends close by.
Also schools can change their vibe very quickly, so what was once seen as a wow school becomes seen as a rubbish/meh school within a matter of months. And vice versa.

Until you do the school run for a few years you can't imagine how much easier your lives become if you can walk rather than drive.

I also wouldn't be swayed by promotional guff, there's a school near me like that but the education is no better.

I would go for school 2. We had a similar situation with our child. There was a school very close but we just didn't like it, didn't like the exact area of the school and felt much more drawn to the school which is a drive away but not that far. For us it's just the other side of town. I've never regretted the decision, the school feels like a good fit for us. Yes we don't walk to school but to be honest with work etc I would have probably been driving even to the local one as would have needed to go straight on from there. See if you can join any FB groups and see where people live that are at the school you might find others locally who also travel to that school. We have and actually have kids a short walk from our house that also travel to the same school so it's never been an issue not having friends close by

It's primary not university. Take the 1st option, childhood friends who live near enough to play with stay for life and far more important than what the school feels like. Same for being able to walk to school by yourself at the appropriate age.

I’m not sure that’s always the case. I don’t know anyone in my friendship circle who is still in contact with people they went to primary school with.

Nor do I. Well, my DH has his best friend from primary school on Facebook but I can't recall them meeting up in the 35 years I have known DH so I'm not sure it really counts as a friendship for life! I'd struggle to even name most of the kids who were in my primary school class and I couldn't tell you where a single one of them is now.
In my experience, most primary school friendships don't last through year 7 never mind for life. I mean my kids didn't fall out with their primary school friends or anything and they'll still have a chat if they bump into them, but they soon made new ones at secondary. In fact the only school friends- primary or secondary- that have lasted at all are those who have more in common with them than the fact that they were in the same school year group, such as those who did the same hobbies out of school.
There are of course advantages to having a school near home but the likelihood or otherwise of making lifelong friends wouldn't be high on my list of priorities.

Agree with the notion of childhood friendship being fickle and not long lived. The village I now live in, childhood friendship does seem to be a thing. But only because people have stayed and not left. Which I guess can be normal for many. But you are also only down the road from option 2. So not missing out on those chances at all really.

I was in your situation 17 years ago. I opted for school 2 and it didn’t disappoint. I went on to have 4 children, so all in all did the journey for 17 years. I utilised breakfast and after school clubs where needed and had a great mum In law who helped me out.

children made lots of friends, the only hang up was that their friends weren’t local.

We got the results we wanted with all children securing places at our local grammar.

I don’t regret our decision at all!

Are we looking at the same schools?! 😂 Your school 2 sounds exactly like one of our top preferences.

If it helps, one of the things we’re considering is whether the more affluent cohort is a good thing. It might not be, especially if you think your DS won’t quite fit in terms of socioeconomics. Also, we’re concerned about which schools DDs cohort are likely to progress onto. Even though we’re (just) within catchment, there’s a strong chance she won’t end up with any children from her cohort at secondary. That worries me somewhat and for these reasons we probably won’t be listing the school as our no.1 preference. Our situation is different as oversubscription is a big issue. Just thought it might be helpful to consider for your DS.

All things considered though, I wouldn’t let a reasonable journey like a 10-min drive, dictate my first choice school. Is it walkable? Could you get a bus that uses a bus lane so less time in traffic? Will DS be able to walk it or get a bus alone when he’s old enough to save you the time?

I was in a similar position and chose school 2 - ours was a great school with great facilities but not the best catchment. We’ve driven there everyday for 6 years and park a 5 minute walk from the school as parking is also a nightmare - the distance has never been an issue.

I now work at our school 1 and it’s now also a great school; achieving better results than school 2 year on year. I don’t regret my choice but, if I could convince my children to move for convenience, I would.

My new issue is that our closest secondary school is not the closest to their primary school. My son is lucky as most of his friends are going to our local one but I know my daughter will be split from all of hers.

As someone who chose school 2 in a similar scenario I stand by my decision.

Also think about which high schools are linked, feeder school etc though? Our primary choice led to a secondary that we wouldn’t have got in without the primary school being a feeder.

I'd go for school 2 (but I chose to send my sons to private school instead of the village primary). Friendships are a non issue as they're so young it will change in an instant. It's a bit less convenient, but I'd value my child's education more than convenience. Or can you move closer to scjool 2 if it matters that much to you?

There’s a huge assumption that all the children nearby will go to the local school. In my village that’s not the case. I can think of 8 primary/prep schools, both independent and state, used by people where I live. Not that many went to the catchment one. It’s not in the village but is not far and would guarantee local friends. It’s also a bigger infants school but people do like smaller schools and will travel to them. My DDs had no dc going with them to the catchment school at all in their year groups!

I would go with option 1. Your DS will be able to walk with his friends in a few years time which will be good for their independence. Schools can change very quickly. We have 2 schools in our catchment. The closest school was terrible when my DS started school so we went with the one that was slightly further away. The school we chose is absolutely awful now after having a new head when my DS was in reception. The other school has also had a new head who's completely turned the school around and is a fantastic school now! My DS is in year 6 now, wish I'd moved him in year 3 but he didn't want to leave his friends and he does like the school! It's just the parents who don't 🤣

School number 2! Trust your gut.

I'd go with your gut, option 2 felt better to you.

One thing to consider though is secondaries, will you be in the same catchment for secondaries as any of the other kids at school 2? I'd imagine the transition to secondary is likely to be hard if they know no one going to the same school.

DC are often not with friends at secondary. They make new friends - it’s a new beginning.

Definitely not a problem. DS went to a different secondary school to all his mates. There were two girls who went to the same school but it wasn’t the same. He made new friends at secondary and at air cadets which he joined at 13. Incidentally, he reconnected with a few friends from primary when he started sixth form college and has remained friendly with them since.

DD went to the same school but two of her friends also got places. However, the school didn’t place them in the same form and they did not have the same classes. It’s common for schools not to group children from the same primary school together. They usually make new friends if they’re all in the same boat.

School 2. I was in the same situation. Local village school versus far better (in my opinion) school in the next town which is a 13-14 minute drive. I haven't regretted it 3 years later. My DD has play dates and goes to Rainbows with her school friends. She also does swimming with different children and does things in the village with different children. It is possible for children to have friends from different places! I actually like the fact we're slightly removed from all the school dramas.

But there's no secondary school in my village so the commuting situation was going to happen at some point anyway. Her school is actually part of the better, closer, smaller secondary school so that was a big factor. All the children from the village school have to go to the larger, rubbish secondary school which is actually in a whole other town and further away. So, in the long-term, I've made the commute easier. I don't know the situation for secondary schools for you but it is a factor to consider.

Yes, it's a new start and you make new friends, it's rare that primary friendships last through secondary. But, as someone who went to a huge secondary where only i knew one person, it was pretty daunting. I walked in with him and his older sister on our first day which helped but I would have far preferred to have had a few more faces that I knew around the place while I settled in. It wasn't a catchment based school and I imagine it would have felt even more daunting if everyone else had seemed to know loads of people.

School 2 does sound the better option, but it's all stuff to consider alongside the knowledge of the child it affects.