Just been offered first choice primary school but torn what to do!

[Jellybabiex]

Hi all, looking for a bit of advice!

Thursday I had an email from admissions saying there's a place available for my DD to start reception class at our first preference school. I never thought it would happen, we went from 10th place to 4th place but it has always been an oversubscribed school and I heard last year only one place became available. So now my DD is super excited for our second preference school and her best friend plus a few other children from her forest school nursery are going there too. She's done all the stay and play sessions so started to get familiar with everything, whereas she has missed all those events at the 1st preference school and won't know anyone starting there. I have briefly brought it up to my DD but she starts to get upset that she won't be with her best friend (mum guilt is hitting hard!)

I have nothing against our 2nd preference school, they do a day in the woods a week, lovely teachers and also didn't fill up their PAN this year, I think it's around 24/25 a class. I've always had my heart set on the 1st school as it's had outstanding Ofsted reports, much more modern, slightly bigger and feel there is more choice for extra curricular activities there. I also went there as a kid!

I've only got a week to decide and I am terrible at making decisions!!

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

My only advice is that YOU (and DD dad if he is involved) make this decision. Your DD might be a bit upset now because of the change of plan, but that will all blow over in a few days of the new school. You could get her best friend over for a play date to look a uniforms/bags etc and show each other - make it exciting that they’re going somewhere different and can share stories outside of school.

If you let a 4 year old make this decision then you’ll always wonder what if. If all goes well at the 2nd choice school then that might be fine, but if you struggle with pick ups because of fewer clubs, or DD is unhappy or DD doesn’t do very well academically, or DD falls out with the best friend dramatically in year 5 or or or or …. you’ll always k ow that your gut was with the 1st choice school.

I haven’t been in this situation, but my daughter requested that I take her off the waiting list for our first choice secondary school after a while, as she wanted to get used to the idea of going to the one she was allocated without feeling in limbo.

in your situation, if you’re happy enough with the school your daughter is already excited about going to, then I would leave it as it is. If there’s not some massive reason why you prefer the other school, that is. If my daughter has been allocated our catchment primary I would have jumped at the chance of moving her even if she had done all the settling sessions, for example, as I really really didn’t want her to go there.

I’d choose the second choice as a teacher based on the class size alone. The experience is vastly different at 25 than with 30, particularly towards the bottom of the school!

I think you are have a bit of FOMO over first choice. You've listed nothing but positives for the 2nd choice school, but rather flimsy reasons for the 1st choice.

Tough one. If you really weren't keen on the school you'd been allocated it would be a no brainer. As you're happy with it and your daughter is excited about starting, having attended the settling in sessions, it makes it a harder choice. Those settling in sessions are so important in terms of helping the child to picture school in their head. The classroom, their teacher, the other children etc. It's a real shame the place has only become available now, rather than in July when you could have taken her for a visit.

Ultimately you need to be the ones to decide, and your DD will be absolutely fine and adapt quickly if you do decide to switch. Which one is closer to you? What is the wraparound care like at both (if you require that?). How easily does your DD make friends? All things go consider.

I wouldn't let an Ofsted judgement sway you though as they look for different things to parents (and it can change throughout their 7 years at primary school). The fact the place has come up at all suggestions perhaps several people who were ahead of you on the waiting list have weighed up their options and turned it down. Once allocated a place parents and child are both happy with, it's not unusual for people to decide to stick with what they've got.

The only thing I would consider is whether either primary school feeds into a secondary. Other than that toss a coin, you’ll get your gut reaction when you see whether it lands on hands or tails.

From what you’ve said the 2nd choice sounds better for your daughter!

If your first choice school is the better option then I wouldn’t hesitate to accept the offer.

The idea that a 4 year olds friendship group dictates their schooling career is ridiculous.

I agree with this, you haven't really sold the first choice school in your post. If anything on paper your second choice sounds like a better option. Outstanding vs Good Ofsted isn't particularly significant (assuming 2nd choice is Good). Overall size difference doesn't sound like a significant factor; smaller class size is a plus for 2nd choice. Extra curriculars is the only factor I'd give weight to but you don't sound that sure and i wouldn't put this factor above class size and lovely teachers anyway. A day in the woods sounds great!

Do you know anyone already at either school, have you got any experiences to go on?

If your heart is still with the first school then take the place. We got our fifth choice on allocation day. We accepted, did the stay and plays, met some friendly people and came around to it. Then three days into starting Reception, DD was offered her first choice. We took it. Some initial disruption was followed by seven years of an amazing school experience and we’ve never regretted it. Go with your gut.

The right primary is worth a bit of upfront disruption. That said, I’d go for smaller classes every time as that makes a difference to my dc. Agree, you and your dh have to choose and then communicate it positively

Ignore the friends, this can change a lot in the next few years and isn’t a basis to choose a school.
Don’t talk to your daughter about it until you decide. It’s not fair to involve her in this decision.

I'd say a bigger year is better. Our school is one form entry and it's cliquey and friendships are an issue as kids move up the school.
Also a small class size can increase if one or two people move into area. PAN is PAN for a reason.
Also it's hard to get Ofsted outstanding so if it's Outstanding in the last 18 months, I'd pick that. Our school had an intermediate inspection and got Good then Outstanding next time about two years later and it was noticeable.

Not being at PAN would concern me as a primary school teacher. Budgets for all schools are a struggle. GAG funding for schools is per pupil and 5 fewer children can be a difference of at least -25k. This will affect staffing and resources (as there is nothing left to cut in most schools!).
it would concern me that if a couple of children left, there would be no children on a waiting list to fill those places and so create an even bigger funding issue.

the Ofsted reports of either school would be neither here nor there to me. If you like both schools equally, I would go for the school that’s full with a waiting list simply due to funding.

https://www.nfer.ac.uk/blogs/fewer-pupils-more-unfilled-places-increasing-deficits-what-can-be-done/

Tough one. If you really weren't keen on the school you'd been allocated it would be a no brainer. As you're happy with it and your daughter is excited about starting, having attended the settling in sessions, it makes it a harder choice. Those settling in sessions are so important in terms of helping the child to picture school in their head. The classroom, their teacher, the other children etc. It's a real shame the place has only become available now, rather than in July when you could have taken her for a visit.

Agree this is a tough decision but I wouldn’t place too much weight on having done the settling in sessions. My oldest started school in the middle of COVID and therefore had no settling in sessions, stay and plays, teacher home visits or anything - he had never set foot inside the school. He also only knew two children in his class, neither of whom were there on his first day due to staggered starts. He was absolutely fine starting - the teacher said after his first day “it’s like he’s been here for weeks already”.

I wouldn’t base your decision on a four year old’s friendships or the fact that she has done settling in sessions at the second choice school. The smaller classes sound great but in reality the second school will have less funding than the first and therefore potentially fewer opportunities.

The exact thing happened to us in the last week of term. Again, we were initially 6th, went to 1st and stayed there for a month so decided to crack on with our second choice school, did the stay and plays, bought the uniform, sorted after school care.

I must admit when the email came in I was initially upset about it as we had come round to the idea of the 2nd choice school and my daughter had a lot of nursery friends going there whereas she only knew 1 person at the 1st choice school. Ultimately, we went for the 1st choice school, it was our first choice for a reason and we felt that her being a little upset at the beginning (which most children will feel in a new environment anyway) couldn’t overshadow ultimately 7 years in the school. It was a pain, changing uniform (had to go to different suppliers in different towns!), we don’t currently have after school care now either but we are overall very happy we made the decision. It just took some time to readjust.

we told our daughter about it before we made the decision and she seemed ok with it. I’m sure there will be a few tears in the first few days when she realises her nursery friends are no longer there (we obviously have told her this several times but I’m not 100% sure it’s fully sunk in) but kids make friends incredibly easily and we just couldn’t turn down the opportunity for 7yrs of education at our first choice school over some nursery friends and convenience of already having uniform etc. My daughter is now incredibly excited about joining the first choice school and making new friends.

That's a great idea for her to hang out with her friend. She's also got her birthday in September so she'd be invited to that too.

Yeah the 'what ifs' are the hardest part about this. I also forgot to mention that first choice school is near my parents house which would help with pick ups!

Got until Thursday to decide, clock is ticking!

You obviously work in a very different area to me. Hardly anywhere here is at PAN for Reception this coming year and it's been that way for years now so we're well use to the funding crisis now. It is a concern, of course it is, but not a concern about that particular school. It's the general picture now, locally.

It's a totally different story in KS2, where many children struggle to find school places if their family move. For Reception though, families can take their pick around here now. There are plenty of good schools with spaces.

It totally depends on the child. Some children are fine with no transition but, as a Reception teacher, I see first-hand the huge benefit it has on most to be able to attend settling in sessions (we wouldn't run them if they weren't of any benefit). So many who can't attend them, for whatever reason, struggle to settle initially (compared to their peers).

Obviously I don't know OP's child and how they would be, which is why I asked how easily they tend to make friends. Some children cope brilliantly, despite knowing no other children at the school, but many really benefit from some familiar faces to ease them in initially.

Personally, I don't think not attending the settling in sessions would be enough to put me off if I greatly preferred the first choice school. If there really isn't much between them though, I think it is something to consider that the child is already settling in at the allocated school.

@BoleynMemories13 completely agree that the extent of the benefit of settling sessions depends on the child (and I appreciate that they do benefit virtually all children, even the ones who would have been ok without them); I was just trying to reassure OP that in 2020 a whole cohort of children started school without any kind of transition and they managed fine, so she shouldn’t let the lack of settling sessions decide where her child goes to school for seven years.

Yes, I agree which is why I said I wouldn't let it be a deciding factor if the school they're being offered was a firm favourite. At the end of the day, their child will likely be absolutely fine without any settling in sessions. When there's practically nothing in it between the two schools though, I think it should be taken into consideration that the child has started to settle into the allocated school and it could be confusing/unsettling to change now.

From what the OP has said, there really doesn't sound anything in it to me. Personally, I think I'd lean towards keeping her where she has been allocated (ie the place their daughter has started to picture in her mind when she thinks about school), rather than change it just because the other school is rated Outstanding. Obviously only the OP can decide though.

I also forgot to mention that first choice school is near my parents house which would help with pick ups!

Are both schools near where you live? Like PPs I wouldn't make a decision based on specific, existing friendships at that age because your child will make friends at either school and those friends will change over the years. But I would consider how far away those new friends are likely to live. It's not a deal breaker, but there's value to having most school friends be a walkable/bikeable distance or at least a short drive away, and this is especially true if most children at a school will live in the same neighborhood and yours won't.

@BoleynMemories13 Yes I'm gutted we missed out on the settles for this school. I hope she would adapt quickly but she can be quite shy to start with. Both schools are a short drive away but the allocated school is actually slightly closer, you could walk there at a push.
There is wraparound care at both schools. I only work two days and would only need after school club at the allocated school if my partner can't get her. First choice school my parents could pick her up as it's just up the road.

@HuskyNew I do think that short term the current school would be better for her with the forest school element and her friends from nursery. But I obviously put the other school as our first choice for a reason. I think she will do better there academically and there will be more opportunities for her there.

@Honon The teachers are lovely at the first choice school as well and I feel she would thrive there academically. The allocated school would suit her short term but there could be more opportunities for her at the 1st choice. I know children that are at both schools and hear great things about them both! Plus I've got my own memories of 1st choice school.

@Jumpingthroughhulas That sounds promising! How did your little one adapt when she first switched to the other school? I think the main thing stopping me from accepting is the friends. When I originally found out we didn't get the school I was so upset!

@Fentyfan there seems to be conflicting views on here as to whether the smaller classes are better or not...

@metellaestinatrio Thanks for your response. That's great to hear they settled so easily, it must have been particularly tough during COVID. Yeah there definitely seems to be more funding in the first choice school.

@Roseallday15 Oh wow we are pretty much in the same boat. I'm so glad to hear she is excited about starting somewhere else. Have the new school done anything to help her out getting familiar with it? I'm guessing you've missed any settles/stay and plays there? Have you done anything to help preserve friendships with nursery friends?

@FlockofSquirrels yeah both schools are a short drive from us. We live on the outskirts of the town they are both in.

yes, it really depends on your child - small classes helped mine a lot. But others feel small classes meant a smaller friend pool for theirs. Both things can be true there’s always luck and making it work involved in any choice.

That sounds promising! How did your little one adapt when she first switched to the other school? I think the main thing stopping me from accepting is the friends. When I originally found out we didn't get the school I was so upset!

It was a few years ago now but from memory she adapted pretty quickly and made friends easily. Her friendships have also changed throughout her time at school. I know the decision must feel agonising for you but they both sound like great schools and wherever she goes, I’m sure she’ll settle in, so just go with your gut feeling and don’t look back. It’s a very distant memory for us now and DD doesn’t remember it at all!