Just been offered first choice primary school but torn what to do!

[Jellybabiex]

Hi all, looking for a bit of advice!

Thursday I had an email from admissions saying there's a place available for my DD to start reception class at our first preference school. I never thought it would happen, we went from 10th place to 4th place but it has always been an oversubscribed school and I heard last year only one place became available. So now my DD is super excited for our second preference school and her best friend plus a few other children from her forest school nursery are going there too. She's done all the stay and play sessions so started to get familiar with everything, whereas she has missed all those events at the 1st preference school and won't know anyone starting there. I have briefly brought it up to my DD but she starts to get upset that she won't be with her best friend (mum guilt is hitting hard!)

I have nothing against our 2nd preference school, they do a day in the woods a week, lovely teachers and also didn't fill up their PAN this year, I think it's around 24/25 a class. I've always had my heart set on the 1st school as it's had outstanding Ofsted reports, much more modern, slightly bigger and feel there is more choice for extra curricular activities there. I also went there as a kid!

I've only got a week to decide and I am terrible at making decisions!!

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

Is there time to sort play dates or find others going to the 1st option as cool so she can go knowing a few people?

@Jellybabiex the school closed for the summer holidays the week we go the offer so we weren’t able to arrange anything so missed all the settles etc. the school has the teacher come to the house to meet pupils so my daughter will get to meet her teacher the day before she starts but that’s it.

I explained the situation to the nursery mums, I’m fairly luckily that most of them have also gone on to have second children who are still at the nursery with my other daughter so I think it will be easier to maintain the relationship, at least for a while. It’s my daughter’s birthday in September and given we couldn’t invite anyone from school I have just invited her nursery friends and all of the other other nursery parents have done the same. We have 6 nursery friend parties in September alone!

I would say don't move her. None of your reasons sound like they really will make her educational experience better in the first choice school!

• more choice of extra curricular activities - well how much choice does she really need? If she does want different activities from what they offer, you can send her to clubs that aren't affiliated to a school.
• more modern says nothing about curriculum, teaching styles or pastoral care, and doesn't really matter.
• you went there - well unless you had your kid at 14 and only left a couple of years ago, the school could have totally changed by now.

A school your child is looking forward to going to seems to mean more than any of this.

How recent was the outstanding inspection? If it wasn’t recent this would actually put me off. So many schools seem to get reinspected years later and then have fallen a couple of grades.

I agree with the points made by @stichguru.

My DC were in classes of 20. The pan increased to 30 straight after so whilst they weren’t under pan in reception they were subsequently. I think they overall benefited from this as a lower pupil to teacher ratio. They had less issues in the class. It did limit the number of children to be friends with but this wasn’t a huge issue.

Being closer to your parents would be helpful though so I can see it’s a tricky decision.

It sounds like you are lucky to have two great options. Personally, I wouldn't underestimate the importance of being near your parents and them being able to help out if needed. Plus it was your first choice for a reason, I'd take the place.

I’d select your original first choice school.

Nursery friends and having done the settling in sessions aren’t factors I’d give weight to, for reception entry.

I would give weight to things like SATs results, Ofsted reports (if recent), physical space and budgets - the larger school will likely have better resources.

Proximity to grandparents is also a big plus.

Why is the 2nd choice school undersubscribed?

People are talking about more scope for friendships at the first choice school but, unless I've missed it, I can't see where OP says what their PAN is, just that we know they are full as there's a waiting list. What is the actual PAN for each, OP? If their PAN is the same, one school being full and the other having a few spaces will make absolutely no difference in terms of friendship scope and I'd lean towards the one with space as a class of 25 is preferable to a class of 30. This will change over the years though as pupils come and go.

PAN indicates how many classes there are per year group. That's more important when deciding scope for friendships. A PAN of 60 or 90 would be 2 or 3 classes, which is great as (depending on the school) it means they can mix the classes each year and there's more scope for different friendships. Some people hate this idea though and prefer their children to be in a settled class who move up together throughout the school, despite the kids often being sick of each other come Year 6. I think this stems from people liking what they know. If they themselves went to a school which never swapped the classes around it can perhaps feel like an intimidating idea, whereas for those who went through it at their own school it just feels normal.

A PAN of 30 is one class per year group, less would mean mixed classes (which is quite common in village schools). PAN would only make one option preferable if one was bigger than the other. I wouldn't read anything into one not being full in the current climate as that is sadly very normal these days. If both schools have a PAN of 60, one having 60 on their books and one having 50 won't make that much difference in terms of friendship, or even one being full at 30 and the other having 25. If the full first choice school has 30 and the one with spaces has 50 on their books due to being 2 form entry though, it would actually be the one with spaces which offers more scope for friendships long term.

Personally I wouldn't give any weight at all to an Ofsted grade unless you have read both reports thoroughly. Sometimes you can read a report from an Outstanding graded school and a Good graded school and they read practically the same, except for the odd tweaking of words (and you need to consider the fact Ofsted only see that school for two days, so the validity of words such as 'always' and 'usually' is debatable). Also, what makes one school outstanding in the eyes of Ofsted might not be what a parent is looking for. The 'good' school may actually do something better, which that parent considers more important for them and their child(ren).

Ofsted would be way down my consideration list, but sadly so many parents still see an outstanding graded school as the better option. I'd hazard a guess that that is the only reason why, locally to OP, this school is oversubscribed and the other one has spaces. So many parents automatically assume "that one must be the best".

@Jumpingthroughhulas it really is agonising. I've got until the end of the day to decide basically. My gut is now telling me to stick with the allocated school. I get the vibe it's more play based learning than the 1st choice. She will still learn but maybe not at the same pace as the first choice school and she would be with everyone she knows.

I wouldn't underestimate the benefits of learning through play. Long term, it's far more beneficial to children rather than cramming things in formally.

I think it's natural for you to have misty-eyed memories of your old primary school but schools change so much in 20 odd years. You have to treat it as it's own entity, rather than the school you remember, as it won't be the same place now (for better or worse, depending on the school). None of our children would have the same primary school experience as us now even if we were all to send them to our own primary school. This is time for her to forge her own unique primary school experience, wherever that may be.

If you took the other school and it really doesn’t work out after a term could she go back to the one you have now as they are not at pan?

@Lotsalotsagiggles I've posted on a local FB group to find other parents of children starting there and not had much of a response. Only other thing I can think of is trying to get in touch with the parents of the girl from her nursery!

I’d stick with the school she’s been allocated, has friends at, has done the settling sessions and thinks she is going to.

I sent my kids to my second choice of school on paper (I put her on the waiting list for it having been offered choice 1), because I felt it had a nicer feel and more play-based approach while still getting decent SATS results. They have had the best time without too much pressure. Also, friends are important.

Ask yourself why u applied to ur first choice school ? Why was it your first choice. ? Unless the situation has changed since then it is still your first choice. Missing a taster day isn’t going to make any difference. It is over subscribed for a reason. I would be accepting the place

What a tricky one! Your daughter sounds happy where she is going? Play based learning is actually seen as a better start for children than academic straight away so I would definitely think of that! We have two schools nearby in similar circumstances and I would pick our "good" school over the "outstanding" school any day - the staff, the atmosphere, their vision and values are much more aligned to ours as a family. Have you considered if the outstanding school is as good as you think? For a school to be full and then be able to give a place to a child 14th on the waiting list is a huge amount of people saying no to the opportunity?!

I would go with the first choice school, will be lovely for your parents to pick her up after school. Also absolutely fine for her to keep seeing her nursery friend outside/after school on play dates, keeps them as a special friend.

I would go for your first choice school because it as your first choice for a reason.
I found all the settling in sessions were quite unsettling as it was too far ahead of the start of school and too many children had changed in the meantime. I saw it as a bit of a stay and play, rather than a deciding factor.
My DC went to a one form entry school and although lovely and kind by the upper juniors all the children had had enough of each other!

If the second school is undersubscribed, can't you choose first choice school accept it and give it a go for a year. If DC doesn't like it, apply for second choice school and move her? Its undersubscribed as you say, so will accept you.

If there is a big difference in the quality of the 2 schools I would say swap to your first preference regardless of friendships. At this stage kids change so quickly anyway, chances are they'll all have different friends by half term. That happens when 11year olds start secondary, never mind 4 year olds joining Reception. I know there'll always be someone who is still best friends with the group they went to nursery with but in reality that's fairly rare and most children adapt well and make new friends in new settings anyway.
But if you've done the settling in sessions, bought uniform, everyone is prepared for your second choice and there's not actually a massive difference in how good the schools are I'd probably stay put. It is a difficult choice but in a way it is also an easy one as they both sound like great options. You probably can't* *actually make a bad choice. Go with your gut, put the other one out of your mind and focus on enjoying this new phase of life.

Out of interest, whereabouts are you - any chance people on here might have experience of the schools?

Oh really! I have tried to contact the school but they are closed for the holidays. Our allocated school have already done their home visit and I have no idea if they offer that at this first school or whether we've missed it.

That's good, at least you will still have that connection. My younger daughter will still be going to the same nursery so my older daughter will still bump into familiar faces when we pick her up after school. Both my girls are also September children, it's a super popular birth month 🤣 at least if I do chose 1st school she can have all her nursery friends at her birthday celebrations.

I believe the outstanding Ofsted was 2017 then they've had an ungraded inspection in 2023 so assuming nothings changed. Other school have had an inspection in 2024.

Interesting about the PAN as I do think it would be a benefit but also makes me wonder why the spaces didn't get filled.

It is super tricky!

I'm finding it so hard to take the nursery friends out of the equation but know I need to!

Yes the 1st choice have better sats results. Lots of people on here saying not too worry about the Ofsted results too much. The 1st choice school is definitely bigger but don't have the woodlands on their grounds like the allocated school has, but this school does seem slightly outdated.

This has been playing on my mind a bit. I don't know why they were under subscribed! The 1st choice school is more central in the town whereas allocated is slightly on the outskirts so wondering if that plays a part. But 1st choice is always over subscribed.

Sorry I should of mentioned before. So the PAN for both schools is 60. Two classes of 30. Allocated school had 46 applicants so 23 per class but not sure if this has gone up or down since. They got us to write down children who they know going to same school and have put them in the same classes which I thought was sweet. I do wonder why they were undersubscribed though.

Why why why do parents pander to their kids? Dear god YOU are the parent so bloody parent!

This country is so screwed in 30 odd years time with the entitled kids who can’t cope having not been parented properly with boundaries and being told No!

fortunately I will be dead and gone by then.